Path of Grace

God, Faith, and Bunnies

2011-11-29T09:28:00.000-06:00

It's never a bad thing when circumstances or events cause us to think less of ourselves. Even better if we come out thinking more of God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of the difficult parts of my job as a rabbit breeder is the humane euthanasia of certain animals. It is necessary and unavoidable. The rest of that discussion is for another time and place.

In the rabbit show world (aaand we'll pause to let you wrap your head around that concept), breeders are working toward a standard of perfection (SOP) in their animals for the betterment of the breed. That, too, is necessary...and to be discussed elsewhere.

Where the two above statements collide is when a rabbit does not live up to the SOP in matters of aesthetics like nail color, and coat pattern. Those "faults" are removed from the herd so that the culprit genes are not passed down and perpetuated in future generations. Also necessary. There are different methods of culling an undesirable animal. Some are sold as pets. Some are euthanized.
Do you see where this is going?

A week ago, I was seconds away from disposing of an animal who has too many faults against him to be used as breeding stock. I didn't think his temperament would make him a good pet, so he was going. We won't talk about how close it was.
This, in spite of an ingrained belief that every life has value.
Let's pretend that I will never get over the guilt of what I almost did.

"Almost" is the key word, though. I couldn't do it. Because I believe in a God who operates by a different set of rules, and expects his followers to do the same, regardless of what the accepted practice is in the prevailing culture of the day.

I spent a good deal of time that day studying the story of Gideon, decided against the whole fleece idea (yet another discussion for another day), and instead chose to make a promise in faith.

I will not ever destroy an animal for aesthetic reasons. That I even considered it once makes me ill. I cannot avoid the necessity in cases of injury, illness, or on rare occasions, violent temperaments; but my responsibility as a steward of God's creation calls me to a different Standard of Perfection, even if that means feeding an animal that is just "taking up space".

Will God make me successful because I promised to do things His way? I don't know. I didn't ask him to. No fleece, remember? But I did receive confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. Last night, that rabbit with all the faults went home to a little girl who is thrilled with him.

I don't know why God puts up with me, but I am humbled and grateful for his care and attention.

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."~ Matthew 6:26-34

Jar of Change

2010-12-19T22:04:00.003-06:00

As followers of Christ, we are supposed to hold to a different set of values than that of the world.What is important to us often seems foolish to them, and what they hold in high regard is not necessarily the same for us. At least, that is what we hear often enough from our spiritual leaders. Scripture backs them up as well.

I find it rather paradoxical then that professional sports works it's way into such a large percentage of our worship services. For something that matters so very little in this world, and even less in the one to come, it gets an awful lot of air time. And please, don't cite the example of the Apostle Paul's brief mention of sports as a precedent. I'm not talking about the occasional illustration.

Just to make sure that I am not being a grumpy, non-sports fan, stick-in-the-mud, I'm going to propose an experiment. I intend to designate a jar for this purpose, and fill it with 52 little footballs, basketballs, baseballs, and hockey pucks. What form they'll be in, I'm not sure yet. Each piece will represent a predetermined monetary amount--because I want this experiment to carry some weight. On the first Sunday of January, I'll begin. One piece will be removed on each Sunday in which professional sports is mentioned during the worship service. At the end of the year, whatever amount is left in the jar (by its representational pieces) will be given to our church.
Some stipulations:

If I miss a Sunday, and don't listen to the recorded message, a piece will not be removed, even if sports was mentioned (because I won't know about it, will I?)
Relevant illustrations relating to the sermons don't count. Heavy emphasis on relevancy.
References during announcements should count, but I'll be lenient and let them slide.
Outside guests speakers get a pass too.
This is the only time, and only place that I intend to discuss this experiment until it's over. I don't want to skew the results. (I'm pretty sure that my Pastor is not one of the three people who read this blog. If he is, I'm not sorry.)

This feels a little one-sided, and judgmental, which is not my intention. I'm merely trying to see how pervasive sports is in our culture and how much it effects the Church. If would be more informative if I could find people from other churches to keep a tally of the same kind of information (even if it didn't involve money for them). I seriously doubt that my church is the only place this happens.
To level the playing field (sorry), I'm going to think of a task for me to work on as well.

I'll revisit this topic with the results at the end of next year. Let's hope the jar is still really full.

**Nevermind. After thinking this through some more, I have decided not to do it. It puts me in the wrong frame of mind from the start and sets me up for having a resentful attitude. I also puts me in a position of judgement. None of which is what I want. It is enough that the people who care about me know that it is a distraction from worship for me. I can leave it at that.

Rhetorical Answer

2010-06-08T12:42:00.000-05:00

Rhetorical questions are dangerous. The person asking might not be expecting an answer, but that doesn't mean that my brain isn't going to devote hours to thinking about them anyway. Recently, a dear friend posed just such a question. And while I believe that she understands the depths this question plumbs, I don't know if she is expecting a response. This is for her.

The question is, can you miss someone you've never met?

My DH has several relatives that meant a great deal to his whole family, but they passed away before I met him. I wish I could have gotten to know them. So, in a sense, their absence creates a hole that cannot be filed. Does that longing mean that I miss them? I have friends across the globe that I know only through means of electronic communication. Can their distance cause pain? Do I have a right to grieve when they are gone?
Can you miss something that you never had in the first place? I dare you to ask that of any mother who has lost a child in the womb.
By extension, can you be homesick for a place you've never even seen?

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God....These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city." Heb 11:8-10, 13-16

The writer of Hebrews also tells us that "Faith is the assurance (substance) of things hoped for, the conviction (evidence) of things not seen." There is no need for faith where there is not a desire for things not realized yet. Look at that another way and you could go so far as to say that deep longing for what we have not experienced yet is the essence of faith. And that longing is centered around the person of Christ.

I Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
I John 3:2 Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. (Hallelujah!)

There is no doubt that there is a precedent for this idea. I know that not a day goes by when something does not remind me that this is not my true home and that my family is not complete here.
Our relationship with the Divine informs our human, earthly experience (or it should). Which brings us back to our original question.
Can you miss someone you've never met?

With every beat of my heart.

Christmas Anonymous

2009-12-28T09:19:00.002-06:00

Christmas Anonymous 12 Step Recovery Program *

We admitted we were powerless over Christmas—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. To that end we reread the Nativity story in Matthew, Luke, and John.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. (Romans 6:17, 18; Ephesians 2:13)
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves; then did the same for the pile of newly accumulated gifts, culling and assimilating as required.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. We then worked out on the treadmill and had a low fat, low sugar, low sodium, high fiber, but delicious none the less meal.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Replacing the offending gift given to Aunt Hattie and setting up a fundraiser through our favorite charity tops the list.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Christmasoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

*I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has taken part in any of the 12 step recovery programs, or to the organizations that provide such needed assistance.
Our modern day practices at Christmas, sacred and secular alike, seem to have drifted so far from the original intent as to appear in many ways strikingly similar to those of one suffering from an addiction. Weight loss or weight gain, changes in mood, behavior or sleep patterns, financial difficulties caused by the addiction, inability to fulfill ones obligations...those symptoms could just as easily be applied to someone suffering from a misuse of the holidays.
My revisions of these 12 steps is merely my attempt at tilting at windmills.

Heaven on Earth

2009-12-21T16:43:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning our pastor began his message with an illustration about what Heaven on Earth is like for him. If you want, you can listen to the message. While there were several things that I really needed to hear, it got me thinking. What would Heaven on Earth be for me? That is a much more difficult question than I had imagined.
It has been suggested that, for me, it would be no more doctor's visits, lots of hiking and plenty of Jelly Bellies. To that list I would also add dark chocolate and snuggling in front of the fire with my family while we read a good book together. However, when I examined that list more closely, I came to a painful realization. All of those things are an escape.
In fact almost all of things that I enjoy doing are a means of escape in some way. Sure, they serve other purposes as well; but carving, working on embroidery, or reading all require a level of concentration that shuts out reality for a time. Even chocolate creates a temporary retreat where for a brief moment you are entirely focused on savoring the silky sweetness. All else slips away, however fleetingly.
Not that my reality is all that bad, mind you; especially compared to some. So I'm not sure what it is that I'm escaping from. Laundry. Boredom. Nagging questions and bills. Watching my DH suffer. Bad weather. Sickness and death touching friends and family. Brokeness.

The point is that I do not want my thoughts of Heaven to be only that of escaping from the unpleasant things this world throws at me. There is a preciousness in learning to value the suffering in this life in order to collapse on His grace and treasure the rest that is promised. Do I only long for Heaven because it will "get me out of here"? Some days the answer is Yes. But what about the rest of the time? More than thinking about what I'm running away from, I want to be focused on what I am running toward; which is an eternity of communion with my Savior not hindered by my sin.
That leaves my original question still unanswered, but it can't be helped. My idea of Heaven is not just experiencing a moment that is the way it would be in a perfect world, but rather a restoration of the perfect fellowship between man and his Creator. And that can't be reproduced here on earth; not with all the Ghirardelli's in the world.

Christmas Contemplation

2009-12-20T16:40:00.002-06:00

Perhaps you've seen the discussions and polls on the social bulletin board sites about whether our president should continue to call it the national "Christmas" tree or change the name to "Holiday" tree instead. While I haven't participated in those polls, I have done a great deal of thinking about this subject. Here are some of my conclusions*:

I don't give a hoot what the president does. His life and actions as well as the actions of a large percentage of our nation do not revolve around bringing honor and glory to God. What he chooses to call the tree won't change that.
The argument that calling it a holiday tree is just taking one more thing away from the Christians is only valid if the government is the source of the Christians' faith. If recognition or approval from the government is necessary to authenticate one's beliefs, then I would encourage a reexamination of those beliefs. Following God has never been the popular thing to do and Christians are never promised support from the leadership of our world. In fact, the opposite is true. (Ps. 20:7, 8; Gal. 1:10; Acts 4:26; I Pt. 3:14-16)
Christians belong to a kingdom other than those represented on our globe. We are strangers and pilgrims here. Temporary exiles. If we get too comfortable with secular contemporary customs and society and we risk being like Lot's wife.
I call into question the possibility of the Gospel being spread merely through the name of an object. The heavens declare the glory of God, but I don't think that includes an electrified evergreen on the White House lawn.
Religious freedom...oh, I am not even going to open that can of worms.

*These comments are not aimed at any specific person or persons, et cetera. And by all means, feel free to disagree with me.

Missing Person

2009-12-09T18:44:00.003-06:00

This last Sunday, DH and J stayed home sick from Church. Not a big deal, but it gave M and I a chance to have a really good conversation in the car on the way home. Pastor David's message had been about the different people in Matthew's narrative of the Birth of Christ. The one that stood out to my 7 yo was King Herod. He is such a key figure in the story, but he is often overlooked. And yet, his presence does need to be keenly felt. King Herod brought about a terrible tragedy for the nation of Israel of that day (Matt 2:18). He represents everything that Christ came to defeat with his birth, perfect life and sacrificial death. And he brought about the fulfillment of prophecy.
However, it's uncomfortable to talk about the role he played and so we tend to skip over him. After all, he butchered babies in a jealous rage. Who wants that in a play set? Come to think of it, have you ever seen him portrayed in any Nativity scene?

Oh, wait. There he is...over there on the right side. Take a closer look...

In the car M decided that we needed a figure of King Herod for their Nativity set. So with a little Model Magic, Marvy markers, paint, embossing powder and a sword that I just happened to have lying around (!!?!), we are now the proud owners of what may be the very first King Herod action figure in history. At least, I'd like to think so.

But, of course, he dies in the story, and so we had to make him reversible. On the front side he wears an evil scowl and on the back...well...he's dead.

See, that's the great thing about having a conniving, wicked liar as part of your Nativity set. He gets defeated. Our Savior, through His Father's almighty power, escapes Herod's murderous hand and grows up to fulfill God's perfect plan for our salvation.
It's not a carefully edited touchy, feely Baby story on the Discovery channel. It's a true story about a universal power struggle and the ultimate victory over Sin and Death by Christ on our behalf. How can you adequately tell that story if the antagonist isn't even represented?

Giving Up

2009-12-02T13:05:00.003-06:00

The Vally of Vision

LORD, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

LORD, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty
thy glory in my valley.

(this is the title prayer in Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)

With a mere 50 acres of corn left in the field, the combine harvester blew out it's engine on Monday. This is a catastrophic failure that will cost my FiL a ridiculous amount of money to fix.
In the context of a much larger, not-looking-so-grand-anymore scheme of things, however, it is merely one event among many that is out of our control.
You've probably noticed that there doesn't seem to be much left that is under our control. Truth is, there never has been. It has just become much more obvious lately. Everywhere you look there is pain and disease and broken relationships. No one seems immune.
In an ever increasing way I am becoming more aware of my own emptiness. I am powerless to alleviate the pain of others in spite of how deeply I care for them. I can't fix machinery that is beyond repair no matter how desperately it is needed. I cannot heal hearts and souls regardless of how much I long to do so.
There is nothing left to do but give up.

Not quit. Give up.
Give up trying to be the hero when that was never what God intended for me in the first place. Give up striving and straining and stretching and reaching.
Give up thinking that I have something to offer in and of myself.
I need to just put it all down and come to my Savior with my empty hands extended and ask him to fill me.
Fill me with forgiveness for denying the grace that was always mine if I would just admit I needed it.
Fill me with trust that His plan is perfect even if I can't imagine how it will all work out in the end.
Fill me with a rest that is not dependent on sleep. A rest that can look past the howling winter wind and feel the warmth of the sun. A rest that can take a nap in a storm tossed boat.
A rest that believes Romans chapter 8.

Thankful...

2009-11-26T08:21:00.002-06:00

...that this is not all there is. Isaiah 65:17-25
...for trials that keep me dependent upon the LORD. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
...for a Savior who searches and knows me for what I really am...and loves me anyway. Psalm 139:23; Romans 5:8
...that He is slow to anger. Psalm 103:8
...that He is beyond my highest thought. Job 37:5
...that He gave up everything, so that I could have eternity with Him. Philippians 2:6-8; John 3:16
...that He does not need anything from me, and even my service (pathetic as it may be) is a grace from Him. Acts 17:24, 25; John1:16

Communion Confession

2009-11-23T07:55:00.003-06:00

Like I have nearly a dozen times before, I sit here struggling with the dilemma of whether to write this post or not. It relates to a thought that even I find offensive, and I'm the one thinking it. Which means that others will certainly view it that way as well. I'm going to write it anyway.
From the time I was nine years old I have been participating in the Lord's Supper with other followers of Christ. For better, or worse, I have always attended a Baptist church. I tell you this not because I think that Baptists are more "right" or better than other Protestant religions, but because it colors my understanding of Communion in a certain way.
While some churches celebrate the Lord's Supper on the first Sunday of each month (or some other variation), the congregation that I am part of now makes it part of the worship service each week; a practice which, incidentally, I enjoy.
Except that this continual practice keeps this uncomfortable thought in my mind almost constantly. However, it was only recently that I came to realize that, unpleasant as it may be, it is true.

Each time we take the bread, or the cup and read the words "This is my body" or "This is my blood" and are commanded to eat or drink, I cannot help but think that it smacks of cannibalism.
Did I say that out loud? I warned you that it was offensive. But please don't stop reading now. If you do, you'll leave with the same terrible thought on your mind that I had for years.

When any human being consumes another human being, there is nothing else to call it but cannibalism. But there is more than one reason for such a practice. The one that jumps to the forefront is the cultural participation of a spiritistic or animistic society. Cannibalism as part of a pagan religion is horrifying. Mental or social deviancy would be another, equally repulsive reason.
The third reason for such an act is absolute desperation. Impending death can make even the mildest person do unbelievable things. The rugby team on flight 571 back in the early 70's comes to mind. Faced with such a dire circumstance, we look on them not in disgust but with pity.

And is that not the exact situation we find ourselves in? We are all dying in trespasses and sin (Eph. 2:1) with no hope of saving ourselves. Actually, according to the verse, we are already dead; not just dying. A dead man can do nothing for himself. The blood of Christ, shed in our place, is our only hope of rescue. Faced with impending eternal death, we come in absolute desperation and accept what he freely offers. There is no way around it.
The Communion table itself is not what saves. It is merely the reminder of what has already taken place. We come each week and remember how utterly without hope we were and fling ourselves anew on the grace of the Cross. We relish the memory of Christ's sacrifice because it means life for us.
Being humbled in such a way is offensive to our human pride. It is insulting to think that we could not have come up with a better way to secure our salvation. Romans 9:33 describes Christ as " a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense" but goes on to say "and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame." Partaking of the new covenant in his blood will not be what condemns us. It is what saves us. Even if that is a tough bit to swallow.

Head Slap

2009-11-08T20:59:00.003-06:00

There is a new movie set to be released on Friday. Maybe you've heard of it. 2012.
I have just one thing to say about this film. It's Fiction, Folks. Some of you are getting way to worked up about this.

Seriously, we're supposed to believe that the Mayans foretold of some global disaster in our time, but couldn't predict the obliteration of their own culture?

And for those of you who are trying to cram this Mayan prophecy into the book of Revelations, shame on you. When has the Sovereign Creator ever been bound by something that ancient pagans scratched into a rock?

So by all means, go and enjoy the movie. Get chills at the special effects. Eat your popcorn and come home and sleep soundly. But don't make me come slap you.

Thirteen Years

2009-11-02T07:17:00.004-06:00

Over the last thirteen years of marriage, we have experienced a little of everything represented in our wedding vows: better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness (lots of sickness) and health. Of course everyone enjoys the pleasurable seasons of life, but I can honestly say that it is because of the hard times that I feel secure in my relationship with my husband. If he can love me when the money isn't there, or we are separated for months by an agonizing hospital vigil, or when both of us are snarky because of never ending pain, then I'm pretty sure that he will love me when life is comfortable.
That is only possible because of the Grace of our loving Savior. I married a sinner. And let me tell you, Chad married a willful, stubborn, prideful (ad infinitum) creature. We have been redeemed by grace. We live together by grace. And we look forward to the hope of perfect fellowship through our LORD...by grace.

Listen to Our Song.

Through the Bible

2009-09-01T07:57:00.003-05:00

Many people strive to read through the Bible every year and there are many different tools available to help with doing just that. I'd like to share a few of my own favorite resources here.

An eon ago (okay, 1991), when I spent the summer on a short term mission trip in Venezuela I came across this chart for reading the Bible through. I fell in love with it and have used it ever since. It was designed by Dr. Bill Smallman of Baptist Mid-Missions and he has graciously given me permission to distribute it. I have a PDF version available, which I would be happy to email to you if you want it. I love this chart because you can read the chapters in any order that you wish and can complete your reading in your own timing. I particularly like to finish in about 34 weeks (5 chapters per day), leaving the rest of the year for a more concentrated study.

I also love the ESV on CDs. The Bible, especially the Old Testament, was intended to be heard. Listening to scripture adds a whole new dimension to our understanding of God's Word. For my girls, looking at the entire Bible and trying to imagine reading the whole thing is a daunting task. But it is easy to put a disk in while we are in the car and listen to several chapters together. They don't have to struggle with pronunciations and their comprehension is much better.

More recently, I have found some books that are opening up my understanding of the "big picture" of scripture.

God's Big Picture: Tracing the Storyline of the Bible, Vaughn Roberts

According to Plan: The Unfolding Revelation of God in the Bible, Graeme Goldsworthy

The Goldsworthy Trilogy: Gospel and Kingdom, Gospel and Wisdom, and The Gospel in Revelation, Graeme Goldsworthy

About every three years in my Sunday School class we like to take a week off from the curriculum and do a "walk through the Bible" lesson. It is great fun to tell the kids that "Next week I'm going to teach you the whole Bible!" I don't remember the details, but I got this lesson in one of my college classes from a favorite professor. Disclaimer: I cannot draw my way out of a paper bag. Please don't make fun of my stick figures.

Starting at the bottom of the page (I like to use an overhead during class), work your way up through the illustrations and explanations, elaborating as time allows.

Creation
Day 1-light/dark; Day 2-firmament; Day 3-land, seas, grass, trees; Day 4-sun, moon, stars; Day 5-fish, birds; Day 6-Animals, Man; Day 7-Rest~this section also includes Noah and the Tower of Babel.

Clan
Abraham ((Lot/Sodom), Isaac, Jacob (Israel), Joseph

Confinement
Slavery in Egypt for generations; Moses and the Plagues (river to blood, frogs, lice, flies, cattle die, boils, hail, locust, darkness, death of firstborn); Escape

Commandments
The Law is given to Israel. 1. No other Gods; 2. No idols; 3. No swearing; 4. Remember Sabbath; 5. Honor parents; 6. No murder; 7. No adultery; 8. No stealing; 9. No false witness; 10. No coveting.

Conquest
The judges leading Israel in battle against enemies and deciding matters of the Law. Jericho/Joshua, Ehud, Deborah, Gideon, Samson, Samuel.

Confusion
Israel wants a King over them (Saul). Then divided into two kingdoms of Judah and Israel. David, Solomon.

Captivity
God allows enemies to rule them because of their sin. Fall of Jerusalem, Daniel, ends with fall of Babylon (Belshazar, writing on wall, Medes & Persians).

Construction
Rebuilding the nation~between testaments, remnant of 50,000 return to rebuild Temple, Esther.

Cross
Jesus Christ comes as the long awaited Messiah and is crucified to pay the price of our sins. The problem of Israel's failure to fulfill the Law is solved by Christ fulfilling it for them (Gentiles too). Our Redemption is "vouchsafed".

Church
The time of the first Christians (followers of Christ), missionaries, martyrs, and the beginning of the Church.

Completion
A new heaven and new earth after the rapture and tribulation period, millenium and then eternity in the presence of God.

Obviously, this is just the bare bones of the lesson. The use of Scripture verses to flesh out the points is expected. After all, this is a walk through the Bible, not the teacher's memory. I have not included any verses here, however, to allow you to study on your own and to adapt the lesson for your needs and those of your target audience.

And so it begins

2009-07-03T13:13:00.004-05:00

Our youngest turned Seven last Saturday. She is really growing up fast it seems.
On Tuesday of this week I picked her up from VBS at the church down the street and as we crossed the parking lot, she pointed out a good looking young man with spiky blonde hair. With gushing admiration, she told me, "Mom! He's in the Band!"
Then it hit me...
She's a groupie.

The Art of Illustration

2009-06-30T07:06:00.004-05:00

Human communication is a fascinating thing. People employ methods using flags, lights, dots and dashes, music, alphabets, and a multitude of different types of sound. Some people are much better at it than others. Language is such a flexible, intangible medium. A person's skill at transferring an idea to another becomes readily apparent in many different ways, but two specifically come to mind; those of Instruction and Illustration. If you'd like to try a fun exercise testing your ability to Instruct, do the following:

Get together a small group of middle school children.
Give each of them a large blank sheet of paper and a pencil.
With your back to them so that you cannot see what they are drawing, give them step by step instructions for drawing a tulip. You may have one drawn up first to use as reference, but do not allow them to see your picture.
You may not use any identifying words like: flower, tulip, leaves, stems, petals, etc. You may use line and basic shape terms like: diagonal, curved, oval, short, etc.
When you are finished, compare their drawings with your own. How close did you get?

The pictures the children drew are a fun gauge of your communication skills and the results are quite obvious. It is much more difficult to determine the effectiveness of Verbal Illustration. Any time you draw comparisons you are making a verbal illustration. Public speakers, teachers, pastors, and parents use illustration often to clarify a point or give added insight. We're going to focus on pastors and Bible teachers, but not because I'm picking on them. Anyone who is trying to communicate the concepts of Scripture uses illustration to bring understanding to absolute Truth, which makes their skills all the more important.

When a Bible teacher uses an example from sports, home life or the working world to bring clarity to a text, you are going to understand that illustration because it comes from your life or something that is real to you. That is the nature of the illustration. Whether you will be able to accurately transfer the meaning of the illustration to the truths of God's Word is an entirely different matter.
For example, Holy Scripture itself speaks of God as a Father and Christ as a Son. All humans beings should understand the concept of Father and Son, so that illustration is natural and makes sense. However, each of our own personal experiences is going to color that understanding. Is your father angry, or absent, or abusive? How will that effect your view of God? You will know that a pastor or teacher effectively communicates the idea when you come away with the knowledge that we should not compare God with earthly fathers, but rather hold the Heavenly Father up as the standard to which all earthly fathers should be compared.

Because it relies on human understanding and human terms, all illustration is going to break down at some point. In the above example, the breakdown is obvious: not everyone's father is a blue ribbon Dad. In other illustrations the flaw may not be so apparent. Imagine the tragedy if the truths about Redemption, or Faith, or Grace were unknowingly communicated incorrectly.

Those of us in teaching positions need to be vigilant in our use of illustration. Are we illuminating truth, or obscuring it? Scripture often clarifies itself without the need for outside examples. It is far safer to rely on other passages to bring light to the subject than to risk introducing elements that will only confuse. On the occasions when it is necessary to expand the available information, we should be careful in our choices and make sure that our examples are understood as we intend them. That means not assuming that your audience knows what your are thinking.

Trying to communicate truth and realizing my own shortcomings (an immediate effect, I might add) gives me a great appreciation for those who do so effectively on a regular basis. Illustration is an Art. And just like drawing or painting with watercolors, it is much harder than it looks.

The Art of Silence

2009-06-26T10:34:00.002-05:00

Somewhere out there someone knows how many personal electronic devices there are in existence. I don't really care about the particulars. For a long time, I resisted being assimilated, but now, like many others, I own an iPod. And I love it. It has given me the capacity to listen to music, Scripture, and sermons countless hours on end on the mower and treadmill, and for that grace, I am thankful.

I don't want this to become a rant against technology, but I do have one caution regarding such tools.
Without quiet, Thought becomes difficult. In the chaos of sound, the voice of the Holy Spirit can be drowned out. Creativity is distracted and meditation is impossible when it is noisy. And noisy doesn't just mean loud. Personal, human relationships are stunted when technology moves from being a tool that is skillfully wielded to a drug or a crutch that cannot be lived without. Silence is a necessity. In order to hear the "still, small voice" the whirlwind must cease.
I have not done any studies to back this up (although I'm sure someone has), but I'm guessing that our brains and bodies need quiet in order to be healthy and function in an optimum way.
Our society promotes the idea of a "green hour", or a time when you and your household stops the consumption of energy in order to help the environment. (resisting the urge to jump on that soapbox...) Imagine what might happen if you instituted a "quiet hour". How would that effect the environment in your home?
Make it a point to weave some silence into your life and the lives of your children. Unplug. Walk in the woods. Swing on the porch. Use the opportunity to preach grace and repentance to your soul. Tune in to the subtle noises in your surroundings. Have you ever been amazed by something a child hears long before it comes to your attention? You would be astounded at the cacophony of sound present in silence.
By all means, use the available tools when they can be an asset. Just be cautious that they are not interfering with relationships or hindering your thought life. Set up some guidelines and stick to them. And make sure to turn it off every now and then. I dare you.

Power Struggles without the Struggle

2009-03-24T10:39:00.002-05:00

Life seems to be full of paradoxes for me lately, and my latest "discovery" about discipline is no exception.

If you have children, then you have engaged in a power struggle. Whether it is an infant who doesn't want his diaper changed or a teenager that wants to wear something you don't approve of, being in control seems to be a mandate for all human beings.

A couple of months ago, I wanted the girls to do something new as part of their schoolwork. They made it immediately clear that what I asked wasn't something they were willing to do. But I was tired and didn't feel like arguing and I dreaded the escalation of wills that seemed inevitable and the consequences that I would be forced to implement. So I just walked away. I told them what I expected of them, that I didn't care how it happened but that it was going to happen. And then I simply left the room. And after about 5 minutes of palpable silence in the other room, I heard them acquiesce and do what I had asked, as I had asked them. No defiance. No raised voices. No "because I said so" or "Do it or else".

I have tried this tactic multiple times since then, and rather than being a one time success it has worked the same way every time. I clearly state my expectations and then leave. Sometimes there is some quiet internal struggle, but my request is always fulfilled eventually. I'm not sure why it works. Perhaps not having someone to argue with diffuses the situation before it can even start. Perhaps walking away allows them to respond in a way that they feel is more on their own terms; allowing them a measure of control. Perhaps staying in the room gives the impression that the request is optional, or a point to be negotiated and leaving removes compromise from the table. Maybe it is simply a matter of putting the responsibility squarely on their shoulders.

Whatever the reason, I am extremely grateful for the grace that God has given my girls to make choices that glorify Him more often than not. I pray that He will give Chad and I the wisdom to raise them in a way that will encourage a zeal for His Truth.

An Unconventional Tithe

2009-03-23T20:20:00.002-05:00

Cassette tapes are quickly going the way of the Dodo and the 8 track, but there is a beloved favorite in the van that will be mourned after it plays for the last time. One of the songs talks of

"All the Sundays the offering plate's gone by,
And as I gave my hard earned dollars,
I felt free to keep my life."

Another favorite tape holds a sermon that I heard during the first week of my college career in which Dr Fred Mortz preached from Isaiah 44:14-17.

He cuts down cedars, or he chooses a cypress tree or an oak and lets it grow strong among the trees of the forest. He plants a cedar and the rain nourishes it.
Then it becomes fuel for a man. He takes a part of it and warms himself; he kindles a fire and bakes bread. Also he makes a god and worships it; he makes it an idol and falls down before it.
Half of it he burns in the fire. Over the half he eats meat; he roasts it and is satisfied. Also he warms himself and says, "Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire!"
And the rest of it he makes into a god, his idol, and falls down to it and worships it. He prays to it and says, "Deliver me, for you are my god!"

The short version is that this man takes a tree and uses it to build a fire for heat and for food and then with the garbage left over, he makes an idol to worship. The question asked of us by Dr. Mortz was "Are you giving God the garbage?"

These two tapes have been used in my life by God as tools for conviction on numerous occasions. Couple that with the realization of the magnificent amount of time that I have wasted on the computer lately and you have the makings for some radical life changes. Starting today, I am going to attempt to tithe my time. A traditional 10% tithe of a 24 hour day is just under 2 1/2 hours. That seems a bit intimidating to start out with, so I'm going to take my SiL's suggestion and try tithing my waking hours in the beginning, or 1 hours, 36 minutes...give or take a few.

DH and I have set a time for evaluation after a one month trial period. How I continue will be determined by how my family feels about it and how my house looks. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I started this practice today and still had time for school, finishing the taxes, washing windows and (don't tell) folding all the laundry. More importantly, I wonder what my life will look like?

More on this in days to come, I suspect!

A Challenge for Pastors

2009-03-01T17:57:00.002-06:00

I Timothy 4:13
"Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching."

There is nothing that makes my spirit sink more than hearing from the pulpit, "...but we're not going to take the time for that now." This usually happens after the speaker has just referenced a longer passage of Scripture.
Forgoing the reading of these passages implies several interconnected things.

It implies time constraints on the Holy Spirit. Sure, the Holy Spirit is allowed to work in the pastor's heart or the hearts of the people in the congregation, but he only has until straight up noon or until time for kick off.
It implies that everyone in the church has ADHD and can't possibly tolerate listening to longer portions of God's Word. (There are any number of times in the Old Testament that we are told that the nation of Israel listened to the reading of Scriptures for hours at a time, all while standing.)
It also implies that the speaker cuts the reading short in order to use the time for his own words. Which, in turn, implies that his words are more important than God's.

So what exactly is the challenge for pastors? Don't short sheet the Bible reading! Take the time!!

The parallel challenge for the laity? Don't short sheet your pastor's Bible reading! God's purpose for us is to be conformed to the image of his son and not conformed to this world (Romans 8:29, Romans 12:2). This world is concerned with time and fleshly pursuits (like football and whether the roast is burning). The pastor's job is to shepherd the flock in spiritual concerns. He should not feel pressured to cut out portions of scripture just to get us out "on time". Leave your watches at home. And take down the one in the sanctuary!!

There are also applications of this in our private lives as well. Do you spend more time reading what man has written about the Bible or reading Scripture itself?

**note** This has nothing whatsoever to do with anything that has happened in my church and is not directed at anyone in particular.

Heritage Lost

2008-11-28T16:05:00.002-06:00

A terrible truth came to light last Sunday night. The great hymns of the Christian faith are being lost. Maybe I have known this for some time, but been in denial. Sitting in front of the youth group during a hymn sing last week brought this reality home.
Now, I do have to say that I was impressed with some of our young people. On the songs that they did know, they sang. But how sad to hear one of them admit that they had never even heard "Wonderful Grace of Jesus"!

I blame this on the church at large. So many worship services are completely neglecting the rich songs of our heritage in favor of the quick choruses. It's just too much work to read and understand the old hymns, and there's way too many verses, and, well, they're just Old. That mentality makes me want to cry. The hymns have been a great source of encouragement as well as conviction in my life. I can't imagine worshipping without them. The old hymns hold a great deal of doctrine and deeper meaning than many of the more shallow choruses. Many of the choruses are also centered around man and not God.

I am not opposed to new songs. There are quite a few of the newer songs that are rich in doctrine and a joy to sing. The Bible itself tells us to "sing a new song". I believe that is not only speaking of singing a song that is different than the world, but also singing new, fresh music. But not at the expense of losing a part of the tradition of the church that has been with us for a very long time.

So I have a two-fold challenge to the youth groups in our churches today:

Learn the old hymns. Not all of them, but some of them. If you determined to learn one song each week, it would only be a couple of years before you knew 100 hymns!
Write new songs. Do it alone, or together. We don't have to depend solely on the music companies for the music that we sing in church and in our private worship. You don't even have to have a degree in music to write music.

We have already started to do this in our family. I am going to compile a list of "The Top 100 Hymns of the Christian Faith" and we will teach them to our girls. I will also post them here. What hymn do you think should be on the list?

God is Good All the Time

2008-08-01T10:50:00.002-05:00

Remember the post about obeying God even when we don't understand why? Well, I got to see my Bro, SiL and nephew this week! Of course they were here because our Grandmother was having open heart surgery, but it was still great to spend time with them!

G'ma is doing well. There are some minor bumps, but for the most part she is making a speedy recovery.
The morning of the surgery was a truly incredible time. I have experienced it before, but those times of praise and worship in the face of difficulty are always particularly precious. We had family in from all over the country, and even the ones who live close don't always get to see each other as often as we'd like. But gathering around G'ma Monday morning and singing and praying with them blessed me in a way I can't describe. To hear the faith of a loved one expressed to God in song or word, without pretense, is a more binding experience than hundreds of birthday parties and holiday celebrations.

As wonderful as that was, I can't begin to imagine what it will be like to glorify our Father before his throne in heaven--without the pain and trials that distract us here. And I can't wait!

The Prodigal Returns

2008-07-12T15:09:00.002-05:00

Oh, I have so much catching up to do! So much has happened in the last month that I don't know where to begin. DH and I have been to Minnesota twice and are planning a third trip. I have opened shop on Etsy to sell my rubber stamps and Hardanger. Yes, I still remember how to do it even though it's been ages. And I bought a treadmill today!! So no more excuses for not exercising. Monday morning will be start of something new for me. I am really excited about this, if you can't tell. After blowing out my knee a couple of months ago, I got really discouraged because I had just begun my getting fit endevours. Now that it gets so hot so early and with needing to walk when someone can be home to watch the girls...I just felt like it was an uphill battle to even begin. But God always provides when we ask, doesn't he? The opportunity came up to purchase a really snazzy treadmill for next to nothing and I snatched it up right quick.

So you know those little tickers at the bottom of my blog? You can expect both of them to finally start moving in the right direction!!

I promise to try to get a few other things caught up here over the next week. I have so much to tell you about!!!

Desert Island Library

2008-06-01T18:13:00.002-05:00

"If you were stuck on a desert island, what book would you want to have with you?"
Now before you spend much thought on this hypothetical question, know that I ask it tongue in cheek.

Not that the question bothers me. I know that these theoretically impossible questions are good conversation starters. The usual answer is what gives me pause. It often goes, "Well, other than the Bible, I would want such and such a book with me." Granted, the books that people suggest are often great, but this answer implies two things.
First it implies that the person answering knows that the respectable and expected answer, especially among professing Christians, is that they would want the Bible with them. So with very little thought other than saving face, they throw the Holy Scriptures into their book bag.
Yet how many of us, myself included, act on a day to day basis like we cannot live without God's Word? Is that what it would take for us to fall in love with the Bible? Being stuck on a desert island with absolutely nothing else to do?

The second implication is that the Bible wouldn't be enough. One would have to have something else to keep occupied. As if in some way the Bible isn't sufficient for us!!

Most of the time people's answers reflect (or attempt to reflect) a love of literature, philosophy or the intellectual. But given the circumstances, I would trade all the Tolstoy, Neitzsche, and Lewis for a good Boy Scout survival manual. Other than the Bible, of course.

Because I Said So!

2008-05-30T15:58:00.003-05:00

They make T-shirts now that say "Because I Said So!" in big, bold letters across the front. And for some parents that might seem like the easy way to get out of explaining themselves every time they speak. Whether by habit, innocent curiousity, or intentional peevish annoyance children have a knack for making us crazy with their persistent question "Why?".

Long before they could even speak I purposed in my heart to attempt to answer all of the girls questions with a reasonable answer. How could I have possibly foreseen what that would mean or known that my head would not always be up to the task? That is when I find myself replying "Because I said so", or "Because if you don't you will be disobeying and you will be in trouble!" There are some times when unquestioned obedience is not only desirable, but urgently necessary.

This weekend my parents, both of my brothers, and their families~including two new nephews~ will be gathering in Ohio. And I'm not going. The reservations have been cancelled and the suitcase remains empty.
I'm not going because I'm not supposed to go. Because God said so. I don't have any reason beyond that. But I am going to obey. Even though it's hard and I'd like to sulk off to my room and pout. I love my family dearly, make no mistake, but in the light of an eternity in the presence of my Savior my relationship to them is a fleeting thing, like the steam rising from a tea kettle. We imagine a day in Heaven when we will be reunited with loved ones that we have lost and no longer be separated from the people we care about. But I wonder if we will even give them a second thought once we see Christ in his full glory and join in perfect fellowship with him. (Dear family, if any of you happen to see this, I hope that you will read nothing more into it than a deep longing to be truly home.) So if He asks this of me, I willingly obey if only for the sake of being made more into the image of His Son. (If only!)

One of the prayers in The Valley of Vision asks:
"Let us be at thy disposal for the duties and events of life,
submit our preferences to they wisdom and will,
resign our enjoyments if thou shouldest require it as our absolute Proprietor and best Friend."

The task at hand is to submit, resign, and place myself at my dearest and chiefest Friend's disposal. He is always generous, forgiving, and completely sufficient. He will never ask anything of me that is not in my best interest. He is never sadistic, spiteful, or cruel. He does sometimes ask us to do difficult things as his followers. But the beauty of following is that you are never alone. Christ is always with you. In fact, He is right in front. He will never leave us or forsake us. Because He said so!

Someone's at the Door!

2008-05-22T11:56:00.002-05:00

Once again Grace comes knocking. We have been given the opportunity to rely on that deeper measure of Christ's all-sufficient, sustaining Grace in our lives.

I don't remember if I have ever written about DH's Pudendal Neuralgia before, so I'll sum it up quick. During the move into our new house four years ago, a latent condition that my husband had was stirred into conscious awareness. Since then it has become a living, breathing member of our family with a life of it's own~or it seems that way, at least. Pudendal Neuralgia, or Pudendal Nerve Entrapment (henceforth referred to as PN, or PNE) is a malady in which the Pudendal Nerve that runs through both sides of the pelvis is restricted or trapped, causing pain and a whole host of other problems. Think of it as Carpal Tunnel in your butt (Did I just say that out loud?). Any task like sitting, walking, bending, lifting or anything that requires you to use that muscle group causes damage to the nerve and subsequent pain. About 2 years ago, after an extremely frustrating time of wrong diagnosis and medical insanity, we found a doctor who not only knew what he was talking about, but is one of the world's foremost authorities on PN. DH went through a series of steroid injections, to no avail, and finally surgery for the PNE, also with negligible results.
Flash forward to this last weekend, which found us making the 400 mile trek up to the Twin Cities for the first in another series of the injections. The hope is that since the doctor is the one who arranged the nerve and surrounding anatomy in it's present position, the steroid and Heparin shots will be more effective this time.

I am reminded often of Paul's "thorn in the flesh", and this certainly qualifies. The physical pain is not my own, true. But how many times can a loving wife say "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you. You just have to trust that God knows what he is doing and will give you the grace to get through this." before it starts to sound like a trite cliche? Before "Just trust God" becomes reminiscent of "Just suck it up, man!"?

And yet, truth is never trite or a cliche. If Christ could suffer the unspeakable agony of the cross for "the joy that was set before him", surely He is able to carry us through the worst that this fallen world has to offer. We are promised as much in 2 Corinthians 4:14-18 "knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.
For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

What lies beyond it, rather than the pain, is the source of joy. Because the pain is temporary, even when it seems interminable, we can focus our attention on the face of the one we will be with for eternity. Again, in Isaiah 65:17 we are promised that in heaven the cares of this world will be obliterated from our minds. Those are the promises that we cling to because without them, we would have no hope. And Hope is a pretty powerful pain killer.

Reformation

2008-05-01T10:28:00.000-05:00

As a self proclaimed slacker extraordinaire, I find myself in the unusual position of feeling the need to own up to my responsibilities. It's not a good feeling either.

I got a good look at the wreck that is our house this morning. Sure, I keep the areas where we live and breathe at a tolerable level. Dishes get washed. Garbage gets taken out. Laundry gets washed, if not folded. Bedsheets get changed and the bathrooms are wiped down regularly. If I find out that company is coming, in a matter of about an hour, I can have the visible part of the house looking pretty good.
But a sequence got started this morning and I have no idea where it will end. It began when I needed to go in the bonus room (an unfinished room above the garage) for some fabric to use in a flowerbed. That led to the discovery that something has taken up residence there. *cue ominous music and a feeling of sinking dread* Which means I'll need to move the things that are stored there to the basement. But first, a space in the basement has to be cleared out. Which also caused the discovery that the girls have not been cleaning the playroom like I was being led to believe. Some of the stuff in the basement needs to go out to the garage, which barely has room for the cars in it.
While I was in the basement, I saw the enourmous pile of games and projects that I should be spending time doing with the girls too. So not only do I have the guilt of not managing my household as well as I had deceived myself into believing that I was doing, but I also have the guilt of not spending as much time with my kids as I need to be.

Obviously some changes need to be made and I don't even have a solid game plan at this point. I have already packed away all of the stamp carving and artist trading card supplies. I have also set up Atlas Quest to send mail to my email account. Until some of these other things are under control, I am going to have to swear off letterboxing. And that is going to be one of the hardest things of all.
And I probably won't be blogging too much in the next couple of weeks. But hopefully when I return, I'll have pictures of a sparkly new house, happy children, beautiful flowerbeds, and maybe a dead varmint or two. OK, so maybe no pictures of the varmints.

Wish me luck.

Every Walking Thought

2008-04-20T14:57:00.000-05:00

It is exactly a 3.13 mile round trip from my backdoor, east at the end of the driveway to the corner, and then back west all the way to the cemetery, around the corner headed north to Hughes road and then all the way back home. My max speed today was 4.3 mph, with a moving average of 3.0 and and overall average of 2.9. The 2.9 probably comes from when I stopped at the end of our driveway before heading west to make sure the girls went and told Papa they were home. They walked the first half mile with me, but they way they walk~back and forth, weaving all over~it was probably closer to a mile for them!

It takes less willpower to walk outside than it does to walk on a treadmill, for several reasons. Walking outside is prettier and more entertaining by far. But you also only have to have the willpower to go halfway. Once you get a mile and a half from home, you have no choice but to complete the trip and come back, especially if you leave the cel phone home on purpose. On a treadmill, you can bail out at anytime.

It is astounding what you can hear when you also leave the ipod or headphones at home. Did you know that a beetle actually makes a noise when it walks on pavement? The sound of the breeze in the grass, far away traffic, jets ever farther away, the metronome beat of my shoes on the road, the thrum of a ladybug's wings, and the waterfall of burbling, twittering, chirping bird song were only a few of the sounds I noticed today.

I probably should have worn sunscreen, but I've waited so long for the sunshine that it will be worth it if I'm a bit toasted later. And why do my fingers feel puffy when I walk? It goes away almost as soon as I get home. Hmmm.

The picture above is a trading card made with two stamps that I carved. It is one of my favorite quotes.

Power Trip

2008-04-16T09:09:00.000-05:00

Frequently my mind makes comparisons with the society and lifestyle that we live with today and what it must have been like at different times in history. What impact would something that we take for granted have on someone from a distant time period? For instance, how would Mary Todd Lincoln, an adventurous sort, react if she were sitting next to me in the car on the interstate headed into Chicago? Or what would Laura Ingalls Wilder have to say about the clothing choices offered to young girls at the typical shop in the mall?

Sometimes I imagine the situation reversed. How would my life have been different if I had been born in another time period? Could I have kept my mouth shut in a time before women could vote or have any political influence? Could I have worn a corset or a bustle? Could I have dealt with housework before the convenience of electricity? I complain enough as it is.

For no apparent reason, the power went off at about 2:30 this morning and we were transported into the past several hundred years. Again. In fact, this happens so often out where we live that even in our sleep, we automatically switch into survival mode and hurry to complete the few tasks that must be done before it is too late. We run clean water into several pitchers and then put as much water into the bathtub as we can before the tank off the well loses pressure. We light candles in strategic places (all ready and waiting) to keep us from tripping in the dark. And I take a meal out of the freezer that can be heated on the gas stovetop. Eventually when it starts to get stuffy, or the sound of the dog's panting is keeping us awake, Hubby will stumble down to the basement, throw a couple of switches and then fire up the generator in the garage. We have to avoid using electronic equipment and its not enough to run the central air though. We have it so rough.

I wonder what the Proverbs 31 woman would think.

*originally posted 8/12/07

Lessons at Shedd Aquarium

2008-04-16T08:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we (a friend with three girls and me with my two) took a much needed break and went to the Aquarium in Chicago for the day. Now I need a break from the break, but we did learn some valuable things:

Do not attempt a field trip into Chicago during The Taste.
The Taste of Chicago continues even when the fourth of July is over.
It is not in any way easier, cheaper or more fun to take the train into Chicago.
A single adult's definition of "not far" is not the same as that of an adult with small children in tow.
By all means, pay the extra money for the ticket that gets you in to see everything, but be prepared for the child with Asperger's to be more enthralled with the fake trees and rocks than what you actually paid to see.
Why do they always have to play the "Jaws" music in the shark exhibit and creep the little kids out?
It is not wise to put an unsecured fruit cup in the backpack to save for later.
Make sure you prepare the four-year-old for the fact that the dolphin show in Chicago is not in any way similar to the Shamu show in Orlando.

On a more positive note:

We saw "Granddad", a lung fish that has been at the Shedd since it opened in 1933.

The seahorses and frogs were really neat.
We found almost all of the characters from "Nemo".
The lizard and Kimodo Dragon exhibit was cool and M made a new friend. This little bearded lizard followed her back and forth around the cage and had her laughing quite hard.

"Sting"rays look like pancakes when they are sleeping.

The morray eel was bigger than me!

There are 36 species of dolphin and J wants to learn about them all.

We got to touch live sea stars and anemones!

Two four-year-olds and a plastic shark with a squeaker in it can entertain a whole train car of people with no effort whatsoever.

Planning next trip for after school starts!

Note: I refrained from posting alot of pictures here. I'm fairly certain that just about everyone has an album somewhere filled with the same blurry images from trying to take photos of cool things in fish tanks.

*originally posted July 7, 2006

The Non-confrontational Approach

2008-04-16T08:31:00.000-05:00

I had the privilege of attending the ICHE homeschool convention this year, and now that my brain has had a week and a half to process the flood of information, I think I’m ready to share some of what I learned.

Some of the best sessions were with Dr. Jeff Myers from the Myers Institute for Communication & Leadership (http://www.myersinstitute.com/). He is a very engaging speaker and I think it would be well worth purchasing the recordings of his workshops. I believe that they can still be ordered from HERE. I particularly enjoyed his lecture on Discernment: Raising a “Thought-full” Child. Dr. Myers spoke about training your children to think with a Biblical worldview and gave several good tools to help develop and defend that perspective. The easiest tool with the most immediate results is a series of questions that you can use when discussing an idea in our culture that clashes with Scripture. Dr. Myers laughingly pointed out that we seldom need to arm our children with more questions.

“What do you mean by that?” Just because a person uses the same terminology that Christians use does not mean that their definitions are the same. Be sure to clarify. This also gives you a chance to voice your Biblical understanding of a word for their clarification.
“How do you know that is true?” This is the point that worldly ideas begin to fall apart at the seams.
“Where do you get your information?”
“What happens if you are wrong?” Dr. Myers stated that this is the question that keeps on asking even when the conversation is over.

These questions can be asked more than once and not necessarily in this order, but the key is to ask them in a non-confrontational manner. II Timothy 2:25, 26 tells us “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel. Rather, he should be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

Obviously, this is a two minute summary of an almost hour-long talk. There is really no way that I can effectively duplicate everything that Dr. Myers had to say. Nor should I. I would really encourage you to consider purchasing the session for yourself. No matter your style of homeschooling or the state you live in, you could benefit from it. And no, I’m not getting paid to say that!

*originally posted 5/30/06

Protecting what he provides

2008-04-16T08:12:00.000-05:00

A while ago, I heard a speaker at a woman's conference (but I can't remember who!) say that my husband's job is to provide for the family and my job is to protect what he provides! That has been my mission ever since.
That is the main reason why I started using Mvelopes Personal (see the link on the left) and making my own laundry soap and the like. With all of the medical bills that we are acquiring this year (!), I didn't start any too early!
But I am so excited about today! Last week when we had a couple of early warm days, I realized that J had no hot weather clothes. Not one stitch. So today we went shopping at a local thrift store! We prayed before we left and came home with 32 items of clothing (13 shorts, 13 shirts, 2 skorts, 1 jumper and 3 dresses for my niece who now lives next door and I couldn't resist!) and only paid $37.89! Hooray and Thank You, Lord!

Another part of this protecting what he provides will arrive in August-we have ordered a corn furnace! It should more than pay for itself in less than five years. As the price of propane continues to climb, it will be so nice to cut that bill down to size!

Update--I originally posted the above on April 17, 2006. Now, almost exactly two years later, we are still going to the thrift stores and I am always amazed at the wonderful things we come home with. Just last week we went for the girls' summer wardrobes and found more than enough and paid next to nothing. The corn furnace was installed last December and we fired it up the week before Christmas. I am happy to report that our house has stayed toasty warm all winter and the Service Gas man has not gotten to fill our tank even once! We just stand at the window and wave as he checks the gauge and drives away. We have used only about 15% of the tank in the last four months. Normally it would have been filled at least three times by now! Since we farm, the corn we are burning is free! I think I actually giggled out loud when Chad told me to "Turn the heat up, it's just corn!"
Praise the Lord for His provision!

High Tech Yard Walking

2008-04-05T11:46:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my trusty Garmin e-trex GPS, I have determined that walking around the perimeter of our yard 7 times is 2.06 miles. My max speed today was 4 mph, and average speed was 3 mph.

This might not sound like a big deal, but it is a breakthrough discovery for me. I have been desparate for a way to get regular exercise into my schedule. Because of a knee injury, most of the aerobic things that you can do in your living room are out of the question. My doctor wants me to walk. I like to walk, but I have two younger children who can't seem to take more than a dozen steps before reaching complete exhaustion--at least when it isn't their idea. We live on a wonderfully quiet country road where I know everyone. Just walking down to the corner and back is a convenient 2 miles. But Hubby is in the middle of the spring field work and I can't expect him to hang around the house with the girls while I walk. The nearest gym or Y is almost 15 miles away. Plus it's expensive!

But now I have figured out how I can do all the walking that I want without ever leaving home! The girls can play in the yard or inside and still have full access to me if they need something. I can do the walking in several sections if I have to, or even do it several times a day. I can do it whenever I please, instead of having to wait for someone to watch the girls. And it's free!

Walking in our yard is a little harder than on a treadmill (which I don't have anyway) or the road. Our lawn is lumpy and rough and you have to watch out for all the ground squirrel holes. I have been wearing my hiking boots, which are heavier, but give better support. All in all, it's probably a better workout and may even help strengthen my knee over time.

Skinny jeans, here I come!

I wonder if I can figure out how many miles of grass I mow every week with my GPS? Hee Hee.

Flipping the Easter Bunny

2008-03-18T16:06:00.000-05:00

Here is a fun and simple thing to do to help teach the true meaning of Easter. First, you talk about the Easter Bunny and the colored eggs and all of the things that the world associates with Easter while you draw this on a piece of paper or posterboard:

Then you flip the bunny on his side and add the crosses and the open door (these can be made ahead and attached with tape) and talk about what Jesus did for us on the cross and why!

I remember when my Dad taught this in the 3&4 year old SS class over 20 years ago (I was probably about 12)! It is amazing how a simple visual can stick with you for such a long time. It is for certain that I have never looked at the Easter Bunny the same way!

I pray for all of you and your families during this Resurrection celebration: that your holiday and traditions will be truly God-honoring and blameless before Him. May ours be the same.

*originally posted 4/9/06

An offering for Good Friday

2008-03-18T15:56:00.000-05:00

This coming Friday is the day that many Christians worldwide will ponder the death of our Savior and look to Easter when we will celebrate His resurrection. I have no great words to commemorate this occasion. But I can point to the words of others that have both inspired me and left me dumbstruck.

The Passion of Jesus Christ, by John Piper-50 reasons why Christ died. I will never look at Calvary the same.
On the Physical Death of Jesus Christ-this is an article published in the March 21, 1986 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA-vol. 255, no.11) that gives a very descriptive account of the physical aspect of crucifixion. Not for the faint of heart. (I had to go to the university and get a copy from the microfiche, but it was worth it. It is long or I would post it here. If you want a copy, email me your address and I will send you a .pdf file.)
Lots of hymns-"'Man of Sorrows,' What a Name!", "What Wondrous Love Is This?" (all the verses), "O Sacred Head, Now Wounded", "Why?" and others.
The Dream of the Rood-medieval English poem
Our daughter J, who periodically asks, "Why does God love us?". It is such a simple question, and there are answers that can be given, but the truth is that there is no reason why He should and yet He does.
Finally, here is an entry from the Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions:

The Grace Of The Cross
O My Saviour,
I thank thee from the depths of my being
for thy wondrous grace and love
in bearing my sin in thine own body on the tree.
May they cross be to me
as the tree that sweetens my bitter Marahs,
as the rod that blossoms with life and beauty,
as the brazen serpent that calls forth
the look of faith.
By thy cross crucify my every sin;
Use it to increase my intimacy with thyself;
Make it the ground of all my comfort,
the liveliness of all my duties,
the sum of all thy gospel promises,
the comfort of all my afflictions,
the vigour of my love, thankfulness, graces,
the very essence of my religion;
And by it give me that rest without rest,
the rest of ceaseless praise.

O My Lord and Saviour,
Thou hast also appointed a cross for me
to take up and carry,
a cross before thou givest me a crown.
Thou hast appointed it to be my portion,
but self-love hates it,
carnal reason is unreconciled to it;
without the grace of patience I cannot bear it,
walk with it, profit by it.
O blessed cross, what mercies dost thou bring
with thee!
Thou art only esteemed hateful by my rebel will,
heavy because I shirk thy load.
Teach me, gracious Lord and Saviour,
that with my cross thou sendest promised grace
so that I may bear it patiently,
that my cross is thy yoke which is easy,
and thy burden which is light.

*originally posted 4/14/06

My Contribution for St. Pat's Day

2008-03-17T15:30:00.000-05:00

My children are still at the Shamrock and Leprechan stage for St. Patrick's Day, but I do plan on sharing some of the history (I have a unit from SchoolExpress.com) and the following poetry, which I love, next week. We'll probably watch Darby O'Gill and the Little People too :).

A Gaelic Blessing
(Adapted from an old Gaelic rune)

Deep peace of the running wave to you,
Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you,
Deep peace of the shining stars to you,
Deep peace of the gentle night to you,
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you,
Deep peace of Christ the light of the world to you.

A Prayer of Saint Patrick
(From Saint Patrick's Breastplate, 5th cent., tr. Mrs. C.F. Alexander)

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ above me, Christ beneath me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I have both of these in music form composed by John Rutter (on his album Gloria, available from Collegium Records), and sung by the Cambridge Singers. This was my first and still is my favorite CD! I copied the text from inside the CD insert.

*originally posted 3/7/06

A Tribute to the Demise of Winter

2008-03-04T13:24:00.000-06:00

All that is left of our beautiful snowman is a very soggy purple scarf, orange hat, and red mittens,a muddy clump of buttons and stump of carrot. J sighed wistfully looking at it and stated that she wished we could have our snowman forever. Since I almost pulled my arms out hefting his sizeable midsection, I sort of wished he had lasted longer too.
Then Roger McGough's poem came to mind and I had to smile.

The Snowman
Mother, while you were at the shops
And I was snoozing in my chair,
I heard a tap at the window
It was a snowman standing there.

He looked so cold and miserable
I almost could have cried.
So I put the kettle on
And invited him inside.

I made him a cup of cocoa
To warm the cockles of his nose.
Then he snuggled in front of the fire
For a cozy little doze.

He lay there warm and smiling,
Softly counting sheep.
I eavesdropped for a little while
Then I too fell asleep.

It seems he awoke and tiptoed out
Exactly when I'm not too sure.
It's a wonder you didn't see him
As you came in through the door.

Oh, by the way,
The kittens made a puddle on the floor.

We have the poem on the King's Singers album, Kid's Stuff, and it is narrated by Judi Dench. The whole album is thoroughly wonderful for young and old alike.

I'm sure that I don't have the lines and punctuation correct on the poem. I'll correct it when I can find it in print (possibly in the book The Kingfisher Book of Funny Poems?)

*originally posted 3 13/06

Bad Kitty!

2008-03-04T13:18:00.000-06:00

It was as beautiful as the day I brought it home five months ago and I was going to plant it out in my yard in a couple of weeks. Not anymore!

*originally posted 4/25/06

Close Call?

2008-03-04T13:09:00.000-06:00

I stepped out on the porch on Tuesday evening intending to snap a photo of a baby robin that was sitting on my strawberry pot. This is the picture I took instead:
It's enough to make your heart skip, especially when you're not looking for it! I called my weather buff hubby outside and we watched the funnel form for a few minutes while we tried to decide if we should call someone and if so, who. There was visible rotation, but no sound and it had not touched down yet, so the panic quickly subsided. We had the girls come out and see and then they promptly went down to the basement, without being told. They know the drill. Before we actually made up our minds, it fizzled and was gone. It was a better show than anything on TV though!

*originally posted on 7/13/06

A Wind Experiment

2008-03-04T13:06:00.000-06:00

The last three days have been a bit blustery around here. Somewhere between a 2 and 3 on the WINDCON. I gave up on transplanting the tiger lillies because the wind kept throwing the dirt back in my face. I checked each day with a hand held anemometer and Tuesday the average was 28 mph (34 at night) and Wednesday it was 22 mph.
Then yesterday I decided to try something. After I took my afternoon shower (so I'd be clean and pretty when my hubby got home!), I dressed and immediately went out on the porch. With a comb. It took me exactly six minutes to blow dry my hair without the blow dryer!!. That's about what it takes me normally, I think (I've never actually timed it)!!
Thank goodness it's a bit calmer today. Back to the lillies! Only about 500 more to go!

*originally posted 4/13/06

WindCon

2008-03-04T12:58:00.000-06:00

NORAD has its Defence Condition Categories, or DEFCON. Here on our farm in North Central Illinois we have WINDCON, or wind condition categories. Just like the military, we have five.

WINDCON 1 is the normal state of affairs. Except for about a half dozen days of the year there is always some kind of breeze out here.
WINDCON 2 is a very common occurance also. This is the category of wind that makes the water in the toiletbowls suck in and out and whistles at the corners of the house. They are great days for hanging clothes outside.
WINDCON 3 is fairly common in the Spring and Fall. These are days when you think twice about the morning walk. Going would be really easy, but you're not sure you could make it back! You have to hold on to your car door or lose it and use plenty of extra clothes pins. And something in the chimney chase (that runs through the wall right at the head of our bed) squeaks and creaks.
WINDCON 4 happens several times every Spring and Fall. In this category, the wind gets a little scary. You avoid driving if you can, can't stand up to hang the clothes on the line and have to take all the porch plants inside if you want to keep them. The fiberglass bath tub creaks, and the whole house shudders along with everything in it (computer monitor, beds, pictures on walls...). We can count on first losing our satellite signal and then our electricity.
WINDCON 5-I don't even want to know!

We have an anemometer to mount on the house so that we can see just how windy it does get, but we have to wait now until it isn't so windy that Chad will blow off the roof! According to the local airport (if you can call it that) gusts over 75mph aren't that uncommon.
I don't dust much in the Spring and Fall because it just doesn't pay. Even with the windows closed, the dust off the fields gets in. In town you see lots of trampolines in people's yards. Not out here. I don't think there would be a way to anchor them well enough! On the positive side, we don't have to rake leaves in the Fall. They just blow into the next county.
I tell you all of this because we have been at condition 3 and occasionally 4 since Sunday night. And I'm exhausted. And our Missions Conference starts tonight. And there is a dinner at church beforehand. And we have AWANA tonight. And our ensemble sings tonight. And we have two days of school to do today. And the house is getting away from me. And the only way I am going to make it to tomorrow is by God's Grace and possibly a considerable amount of caffine (could it be that God provided caffine as part of his grace to us? HMMM....).
More on wind tomorrow. See? I'm already assuming that the grace will come. What an awesome thing to be able to count on!

*originally posted on 3/15/06

The Secret Lie

2008-03-04T11:52:00.000-06:00

One of two things usually happens on the nights I don’t even try to pretend that I’m going to be able to sleep. I either stay up and accomplish something or, more likely, I end up getting sucked into some ridiculously inane television show. Last night it was a new show premiering on one of the “discovery” stations, called The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom (SLSM). The premise of the show is to secretly whisk a stay at home Mom away from her family for a week and allow her to experience the dream career that she gave up in order to stay at home. In the pilot episode, the mom had gone to school to be a fashion designer, but decided not to pursue it in order to be home for their three daughters. At the end of the show she was offered a full time job with a design studio, and accepted.

Now, I can’t begin to tell you the many reasons why I disliked this show, but I am going to try really hard not to rant here. Instead, I’m just going to share a few observations that I made and have been pondering upon.

Her husband’s point of view—at one point, her husband, who is a physician, was in tears because he regretted that for the past 10 years he had been unable to give her what she needed to feel fulfilled. He let her take the job because he just wanted her to be happy. But he also praised the job that she had done at raising their children and voiced concerns about what would happen when they were sick or needed her.
When struggling with the big decision about accepting the job, she stated that she didn’t regret being home with their three girls, and wished that she didn’t have to choose.
She did design a dress that someone famous wore at the Oscars or Emmys or something like that. I know I have a completely different set of values, but I also know that would be a big deal to some people.
Two of their children were too young to understand why everyone was so excited.
The creators of SLSM gave her only a matter of hours to decide about the job offer.

Perpetuating the lie that women cannot be satisfied or lead a fulfilling life while being a stay at home mom is nothing new in visual or printed media. But more than that, what struck me was the obvious solution for this family that the show failed to offer.

The mom wanted to create and design clothing. She also was torn about leaving her family for a full time job. The dad was concerned about the impact on their home and children. Why not design fabulous clothes for children? She had three beautiful girls who would probably delight in modeling for her, and would certainly appreciate the clothing far more than an actress who would wear a dress once and toss it aside. She could design her own line and work from home and have the best of both worlds. No decision to leave her family would be necessary. Of course that option was never even brought up.

And that is because true fulfillment cannot be found in a workplace, a career, a marriage, or a home. Ultimate Satisfaction can only be found in Jesus Christ and in surrender to God’s Sovereign plan. Then it doesn’t matter if we are changing diapers, or flipping burgers or juggling spreadsheets. It also doesn’t matter if our spouse and children can’t give us everything we dreamed of or expected. And it doesn’t matter what we drive, or live in, or wear. When we are satisfied with God, regardless of our circumstances, we are:

Complete in Thee! No work of mine
May take, dear Lord, the place of Thine;
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And I am now complete in Thee.

Complete in Thee—each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.*

But you’ll never hear that from The Learning Channel.

*taken from the hymn, Complete in Thee, by Aaron R Wolfe.

We interrupt this broadcast...

2008-02-13T14:51:00.000-06:00

I want to take a moment to make a few notes here. The last 40-some posts have been moved from a previously existing blog. I have moved everything from two categories--J's story (Preemie) and Ponderings. Not that there will not be any more thoughtful posts or more stories of the girls, but that is everything from the other blog.
I have about 20 more post to move. But from here on it's more of the fun stuff. Homeschooling, pictures and BUGS!
Eventually, when I get to start posting new stuff, I am going to include recipes, Hubby's story of his struggle with Pudendal Nerve Entrapment, and my mission trip to Venezuela (eons ago).

I am taking a trip to see my brother and will be gone until next week. But I think there is enough here to keep you occupied for a day or so. All two of you that actually read this blog, that is.

Best Laid Plans

2008-02-13T14:31:00.000-06:00

"Free Will" is highly overrated, if you ask me. I find a great deal of comfort in verses like:

Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
Jeremiah 10:23 I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.
Psalm 119:133 Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me.
Psalm 37:23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way;

I know that my own heart is "deceitful above all things" (Jer. 17:9) and "only evil continually" (Gen. 6:5). It is an encouragement to me to know that if I seek to obey God and walk in his known will, that I can make my human plans with some measure of confidence (not that I don't often make mistakes!). His Sovereign control over my life will direct me in the way He chooses for me. Which is far better for me anyway. It is not my intention to stir up a debate here. But there is a great deal of Freedom in surrendering to the Sovereignty of God and allowing him to order your steps. It is a much more enjoyable ride when you don't have the responsibility of driving the vehicle.
I have probably posted this before, but its worth repeating. From the Preces Privatae of Lancelot Andrewes, 1555-1626:
Open thou mine eyes and I shall see:

Incline my heart and I shall desire:

Order my steps and I shall walk

In the ways of thy commandments.

O Lord God, be thou to me a God

And beside thee let there be none else,

No other, nought else with thee.

Vouchsafe to me to worship thee and serve thee

According to thy commandments

In truth of spirit,

In revereance of body,

In blessing of lips,

In private and in public.

*originally posted 9/10/07

In Human Terms

2008-02-13T14:26:00.000-06:00

The book of John is so rich and deep that you could probably study it for a lifetime without exhausting its truths. One of these truths recently reached out and poked at my brain and I have been pondering it ever since. Specifically, what does it mean to be God’s friend? In chapter 15, Jesus Christ is spending some quiet time with his chosen few in concentrated teaching. He tells of Judas’ betrayal and of Peter’s denial. Then he follows up with some words about bearing fruit, obeying him and being his friend. As I read “You are my friends if you do what I command you”, my mind replays scenes from the years that I taught preschool:
“If you don’t do what I want, I’ll cross you off my list of friends!!” Such juvenile phrases were a common occurrence in that setting. But as with so many other examples, we cannot try to define God in our human terms and understanding. His love is not like our love and his hate is not like our hate because they are not tainted by sin and selfishness. His motive is our ultimate good. Our ultimate good is a deeper fellowship with him, or Abiding as it is stated here in John, and glorifying him. (For a discussion on why that is not the ultimate in arrogance, click here.)
Apply that to this verse in John 15 and you have a completely different picture. Rather than a view of a spoiled, self-centered child we have a view of someone who wants us to be close to him; not because it will benefit him in any way, but because of the joy that fellowship with the highest standard of everything good in the universe will bring to us. Jesus also gives us the quickest route to that fellowship-through obedience to his commandments. Unlike the child who seeks to make others do everything his way out of stubborn selfishness, Christ actually has the authority to ask us to obey him by right of creation and redemption. By his perfection, his way really is also the best way whether we understand it at the time or not.
It stands to reason that we should also not define being friends with God in the same way as being friends with buddy Frank or best friend Amy. Even the best of human friendships are full of emotions, actions and motivations that should not exist in a relationship with God, and indeed cannot exist on his part.

To be continued…

*originally written 2/9/07

I am, therefore I Create

2008-02-13T14:23:00.001-06:00

The hobby of letterboxing, which I have mentioned before, combines spending time in God’s creation as well as doing a little creating of your own. As you hunt for the letterboxes, you get to see some very interesting things and places in nature and that always puts me in awe. The complexity and beauty of the plant and animal life is simply astounding. The natural world exists to bring glory to God and it does such a spectacular job of it that when I immerse myself in it, whether by watching a fantastic sunset or by listening to the hush of the forest around me, I completely lose myself in the face of something infinitely greater.
When I make letterboxes for others to find, I bring all of my own creative powers to bear, pathetic as they may be. The thought, time and effort that goes into carving a stamp, creating a handmade logbook, writing the clues and pulling the whole thing together on a theme exhausts the limits of my ability. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy every minute of it! And I am constantly on the lookout for new techniques, different materials and fresh ideas to improve the final product.
All of this made me think: why do we do things like this? Why do we feel the compulsion to create priceless watercolor paintings, or fabulous scrapbook pages, or colorful quilts, or hand carved walnut rocking horses, or delicious new recipes? Across history, nations and people of different walks of life and interests there runs the common thread of the need to create. I can see but one explanation: we were all created in the image of the Ultimate Creator. An image reflects the original. We reflect God, not as a mirror duplicates a reflection in every detail, but rather as a shadow reflects a shape as a dark and vague blur.
We imitate Him because we desire to be like Him. Just as a small child goes through the motions of mixing a cake or swinging a hammer in an effort to be like Mom or Dad, we create things in an effort to be like our Heavenly Father. For a child, imitating is an expression of love. For someone who holds Christ dear, creating something can mean the same expression of love. We love Him, therefore we want to be like Him.
This begs another question. Why do unbelievers create? Someone who does not love God, who is in fact his enemy, would certainly not choose to imitate him. They are still created in His image. I suspect the answer is hidden in that, somehow. But I confess, more thought is necessary before I can proceed.

*originally written 2/5/07

If I could Paint

2008-02-13T14:17:00.000-06:00

If I could paint, I would paint a picture of Grace. The difficulty with that would be that my understanding of Grace develops over time, so my painting would be covered with smudges from my revisions. And let’s face it, I can’t paint. But I can write. Scratch that too. I can talk. So I will tell you what my painting would look like, if I could paint.

Start with an image of the most gorgeous sunset that you can imagine. Make it one on a pristine beach somewhere. The colors are soft and warm. There are just enough clouds to give the sky texture and break up the light into an interesting pattern. My first concrete image of Grace was just like that. John 1:16 says “and of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.” A commentary that I looked it up in described it as waves lapping on the shore, and just like that, my picture of God’s Grace toward us came into being. The water of the ocean, in all its vast immeasurability, quietly and unendingly lapping on the sandy beach, bringing a fresh supply of life-giving nutrients and water to the inhabitants on the shore is a perfect likeness of the all sufficient Grace of our Heavenly Father. His fullness comes to us not just in our times of dire need, but is constantly refilling our reservoir whether we are conscious of it or not. A dimension that a painting cannot give you is sound. Do you hear the waves? When you live near the ocean, the perpetual susurration of the water drops from your normal conscious hearing after awhile. It doesn’t stop. It just ceases to be heard. It only takes something small to bring it back into the realm of your awareness though. How very like our human “selective hearing” is our capacity to let our attention to God slip from our conscious thoughts!
There is something terrifying about the ocean too, but standing here in peace on the beach that terror seems distant and almost impossible. It is the same with the Almighty who created the oceans. When we submit to his Providential Authority, even the most difficult of circumstances came be viewed in the light and peace of His Grace rather than the terror of the unknown.
Now we’ll take a stroll down this beautiful beach. We hear the rush of the water and feel the warmth of the setting sun. A gentle breeze tousles our hair slightly. Holding our sandals in our hand, we pad in the wet sand at the waters edge. When the water is deep enough to swirl around our ankles, take a look behind you. There is nothing there. Every mark, every footstep has been swallowed by the ocean. With each lift of the heel, there is a small slurping sound and the sand and water quickly swirl in, filling each depression and covering all evidence of our passing. Romans 2:1 speaks of “the grace in which we stand”. Taking the picture of the ocean of God’s Grace one step further, we move from seeing the waves endlessly running upon the shore to a broader view; that of being completely immersed and swallowed up by that same Grace. We are surrounded by it, supported by it, and in some ways suppressed by it.
When we imagine standing on the sand watching the lapping of the water, the picture is mostly of God’s Grace coming to us and supplying us with every good thing that our Creator has at his disposal. And that is accurate to a point. But when we imagine being covered by the water and carried away, the picture of the ocean is what fills our minds. Our footprints that vanished behind us no longer enter our thoughts. The most noble and holy efforts of ours here on this earth are not worthy of the slightest glance from the great I AM.(Isa. 64:6) We could spell out the entirety of Scripture in Hebrew and Greek with coconuts on the beach and it would still be diminished by the grandeur of the ocean. While we might not think about our best deeds being erased as an act of Grace, it is. And it goes hand in hand with the Grace of the substitution of the work of Christ for us on the cross.

The next time you need to “find a happy place” in your mind, go to the beach at sunset; but not the beaches in Florida, Hawaii, or the Caribbean. Paint yourself a picture and see the water lapping at your toes, rushing past your knees and carrying you away. Get lost in the ocean of God’s Grace.

*originally written 1/10/07

Making Peace with Christmas

2008-02-13T14:15:00.000-06:00

For years I have had "issues" with celebrating Christmas. Not because I dislike it, but rather because I love it and it is such a struggle to make it the God-honoring, Christ-centered Holy Day that I want it to be. I'm sure I've even ranted about it here before.
The breakthrough came this year with a little research. No, I didn't find a way to keep that greedy gleam out of my children's eyes. And No, I didn't learn a convicting comeback to teach the girls to say to all of those people that ask them about Santa. What I found was that Christmas was never meant to be a Christian holiday. And while I have known this for a long time, this year I actually surrendered to it. Other than the rejoicing and worship that took place right at Christ's birth, the Bible never mentions any annual celebrating. His birth and life and death were hardly noticed by most. And that isn't any different today.
The annual celebration of Christmas began as and for a very long time was an excuse for people to get together and enjoy themselves during the long, boring winter. There was nothing religious about it. Then it became a way to honor the pagan gods. And then the puritans outlawed any Christian participation. Then somewhere along the way, someone decided that "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" and the Christian Christmas was born. (okay, so that is the very abbreviated version.) So, I guess it could be argued that any worship or Christ-honoring celebrating that takes place during the winter holidays is a bonus. This is what I surrendered to this year. It was not a giving in to the secular domination of Christmas, but more a realization that as Christians in this age, we have the great benefit of hindsight. We know the supreme significance of Christ's birth and can choose to celebrate it in ways that the early Christians could not.
And I actually enjoyed Christmastime this year (in spite of having that stomach flu). And now it's over and we have spent most of the day dismantling all of the decorations. The house looks like the Grinch has been here and taken it all. After lugging the last of 13 boxes plus odds and ends to the basement, I looked at J and said, "Phew! Christmas is officially packed away!" And my almost 8 year old replied (in that wise and slightly exasperated tone that an almost 8 year old can get), "But, Mom! You can't ever really pack Christmas away!" And I had to go to my room so that she wouldn't see my tears. Because she gets it.
And that is worth celebrating!

*orignally written 1/7/07

Slipping into something more comfortable

2008-02-13T14:09:00.000-06:00

I love Autumn. The smells, the sounds, the colors, the clothes...I love it all. I love the tasks of getting my flower beds tucked in for winter and of feeding "the guys" in the field during harvest. I love the crisp air, crisp apples and crisp leaves. The smells of cinnamon and leaf smoke. The fuzzy clothes and the feel of grain running through my fingers. The crackle of the fireplace that I have missed so much and the honking of the geese. Fall is such a rich sensory feast and I relish it all.
The humming of the combine in the fields around the house in the night reminds me that my best beloved is somewhere near even when I can't see him. The silver shimmer of the dew covered spider web carpet on the lawn in the morning reminds me that there is a bigger world designed by my creator that is not often thought of when we are busy, but it goes on just the same by his design. And the falling leaves and vibrant colors remind me that even death can be spectacular when it is for God's glory.
Every year I long for the change of seasons and the comforts that it brings. But more than that I long to slip into something more comfortable than the sweaters and hot chocolate of Autumn. To be in the presence of my Savior...

*originally written 9/26/06....still waiting...

The Convenience Diet

2008-02-13T14:03:00.000-06:00

In my reading a while ago, I discovered a verse (okay, it was there all the time, but I just noticed it): Proverbs 30:8b, 9. It says, "Give me neither poverty or riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say 'Who is the Lord?' or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain."

There is a lot packed in that passage, but what stuck out at me was the "food convenient for me". I knew it wasn't talking about White Hen Pantry or Wendy's. So, I've been pondering that for a few weeks. And finally, while I was stuffing my face with the sweet corn fresh out of the field tonight, it came to me.

Back when Agur (the writer of this particular Proverb) put pen to paper, they ate a little differently. Without refrigeration or freezing capacity, they ate what was in season or freshly provided. Our modern day supermarkets, international shipping, and food storage ability make every form of produce, grain, and meat a convenience any time we choose. But it has not always been so.

Another thought that relates is: Why is it that certain foods appeal to us in different seasons, but not others? Canned pumpkin is available all the time, yet not only do I not make pumpkin pie in the summertime, but it doesn't even sound good then. Why? Similarly, we eat hearty soups and stews in the fall and winter, but the thought of them on a day like today (when the heat index is at 110) almost makes me ill (or is that all that sweet corn talking?). In January I don't daydream of watermelons, and in July I don't dream of butternut squash. Why?

Could it possible have something to do with our Supreme Creator being wise enough to tailor our desires to what would naturally be available at the time?

An even bigger question is, What would happen to our lifestyle, our health, and our physique if we went back to eating what was "convenient" for us? The concordance defines the word as "an enactment: hence an appointment of (time, space, quantity, labor or usage). Other versions translate the word as needful, or my portion.

This is definately going to take some more pondering.

*originally written 8/21/06

Not Too Bright

2008-02-13T13:56:00.001-06:00

*this was originally posted after we had built and moved into our house and were still having issues finding and sealing all of the unwanted entrance points. We live in a corn field. What did we expect?

In the continuing saga of our house “guest” removal, we have been placing traps on the counter at night. The first night, the lights had only been off in the kitchen for about five minutes when the first trap snapped. Another five minutes passed and the second trap went. When I went down to empty and reload, the first trap had been slicked clean by the second mouse before he moved to the second trap. How smart is that? To eat from the trap right next to your recently departed companion and then move on to your own demise is not too bright.
But it sounds all too human. The Bible tells us “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (Rom. 15:4) How many times have we looked at the examples of the nation of Israel in the Old Testament and thought “How dumb could they be? Didn’t they remember what happened the last time they stopped following God’s commands?” How many times have we looked at the Pharisees or even the disciples in the New Testament and thought that we would have done things differently and “How could they have been so blind?”
Whether you look at the history of the world, the history of one nation in particular, or our own personal history, it doesn’t take long to realize that what teachers are so fond of saying is true. “History repeats itself because we don’t learn from the past.” Why is that? Perhaps it is because with our so-called “superior technology” and immediate access to a vast wealth of information we feel that we are in some way above our ancestors, smarter than them or impervious to the mistakes that they made. Perhaps we underestimate the power that Satan holds in this world (albeit, a power granted to him by the Almighty) or the strength with which he tries to woo us. Or perhaps it is that we overestimate our own strength and cannot accurately understand the position that our ancestors found themselves in when they made the mistakes that are so obvious to us.
Whatever the reason, we find ourselves both globally and personally making the same blunders as those who came before us. We step in the same traps they did. We’re still Not Too Bright.

Are you Plugged in?

2008-02-13T13:28:00.000-06:00

Have you ever seen the science fiction movie series “The Matrix”? If not, please don’t waste over six hours of your life! Let me give you a summary instead (since I have already wasted the time!).
Several hundred years in the future the A.I. that man created has rebelled and conquered the human race which it now uses for its sole energy source. Almost every person on the planet is unaware that they are slaves to the machines because their minds are engaged in living out normal lives in a virtual reality world that the machines created to keep the humans convinced that they are still free, and therefore passive. Of course there are rebels who are free and are trying to free the rest of humanity by “jacking in” to the matrix (virtual reality world) and convincing others to join the revolution. You get the picture.
Without trying to glorify the movie, there are several obvious parallels that could be drawn.
Our Christian lives are supposed to be radically different than that of the world. But how often do we get drawn in to the reality that Satan has designed for us instead of living victoriously and separating ourselves for the purpose of glorifying God? And I’m not just talking about all of the television and electronic distractions available. So many times I find myself doing things just because that is what everyone does or because that is what is expected of me or the way we have always done it.
We buy our children piles of presents at Christmas. Why? And don’t give me the excuse that we do it because the wise men gave gifts to Jesus. Why do we decorate our houses with lights? Why do we have a Christmas tree? Once again, the excuse that it represents the cross doesn’t hold since it was the Druids that started the tradition. Easter egg hunts and chocolate bunnies, costumes on Halloween, staying up until midnight on New Year’s Eve and many more holiday traditions have become suspect to me (and why do so many of them involve candy?!).
And holidays don’t hold the only culprits. Why do pastors feel the need to cut sermons short on Super Bowl Sunday? What is the purpose of the AWANA Grand Prix? How many of our daily and weekly habits are done just by Rote? How many of even our religious practices make Satan pleased because they are so much less than they should be?
Maybe I’m just in a mood or going through a phase, but I doubt it. I foresee some radical change in our future. I want to unplug from the Matrix!!

*originally written 4/18/06

Another Weighty Matter

2008-02-13T13:22:00.000-06:00

After the heavy discussion on the weight of the world, I’ve been doing some thinking on another weighty matter. That would be me. Now, after you gasp at what I’m about to say, please, at least finish reading. I don’t think dieting is Biblical. I think our society has a very warped view of beauty and self worth, and the resulting diet and fitness craze is a huge extension of that. It is probably unnecessary to go any further on that topic to this audience.
The Christian mindset is almost as bad, however. A large majority of people who believe in the things of God adhere to the same popular diets and exercise regimens that have reached cult like proportions in the rest of the nation.

I would challenge you to study these things from a Biblical perspective. How do you picture Ruth, Esther, Deborah and the Virtuous Woman? As a size six, with long flowing dark hair, big eyes with long lashes and slender hands with perfectly manicured nails? That would be Hollywood’s influence. Think about the culture, way of life and climate that they lived in. Few modern conveniences, as we know them, existed to make their work load easier. Large extended families, a harsh climate and food types available were all contributing factors. As far I can tell, they did not have such an obsession with their weight, fat content and “Body Mass Index” either! Perhaps, as in other cultures, a “well rounded” woman was considered beautiful and a compliment to her husband’s ability to provide for his family. Don’t misunderstand. I am not saying that they were ugly, grotesque woman. I believe they were strong, fit ladies (Prov. 31 says she girded her loins with strength) who were meet representatives of their husbands as well as their God. I just don’t see them wasting a whole lot of time doing Pilates and counting calories, carbs, fat grams, or whatever else we’re supposed to count now days.

Balance seems to be the key in this as it is in everything else. Eating sensibly, working hard and looking to our health seem to be better goals than wearing a certain size or weighing only so much. There is much more in the Bible about control than there are size specifications. What sense does it make to prepare separate meals for myself apart from the rest of the family, or spend exorbitant amounts of my husband’s money on specialty foods? I should use the mind that God has given me to prepare healthy, satisfying meals for everyone and only eat what I need. I also have a suspicion that if I did half of the work here at home that needs doing, then not only would I not have time for exercising, but I would have no cause!

I Peter 3:4 says it very well: “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” No mention of dress size.

*originally written 3/21/06

The Weight of the World

2008-02-13T13:19:00.000-06:00

Here is a theoretical question with which to short circuit your children’s brains (or your own).
If half of the Earth’s population (Say 3 billion people) each lost 10 pounds, would our planet weigh 60 billion pounds less? In other words, is the weight of the world constant, or can it be changed?

“A fundamental principle of classical physics is the law of conservation of mass, which states that matter cannot be created or destroyed. This law holds true in chemical reactions but is modified in cases where atoms disintegrate and matter is converted to energy or energy is converted to matter.”
Microsoft® Encarta® Encyclopedia 2003. © 1993-2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

When we build skyscrapers or pave half of our cities with asphalt, all of the materials that we use come from the earth at some point. We are essentially creating no new matter. The entire water supply on the planet is constantly being recycled, but not added to or subtracted from.
Similarly, when we plant grain for the purpose of producing more grain or a baby grows from an embryo to a 40 year old adult, new matter is not being created, although at first glance, you’d think so. Living things reproduce tissue or reproduce themselves by converting one form of matter, water and nutrients already in existence, into another form of matter, new cells. So, in all these things, we are affecting the globe, but not its weight.

One exception to the law of the conservation of mass stated above (or should I say modification?), is when energy is converted to matter. Then your talking about the theory of relativity, E=mc2, and reactions taking place on the particulate level and very quickly you get way beyond me. However, I think I understand it enough to say that it probably isn’t going to affect the weight of the world.

When we exercise, however, we convert matter (our fat) into energy (or modification #2). Energy weighs nothing. At least I assume it weighs nothing. If enough weight was “lost” would you be able to measure the change if you had a scale big enough?

By the “weigh”, the Earth weighs 6 x 1024 kilograms. Roughly.

Now for the answer, and, Yes, I had to look it up. The weight of the earth and its gravitational pull, my weight and my gravity and that of everyone else all interact and affect each other. Weight really is more about gravity and mass, than, well…weight. If everyone on the planet got in spaceships and left, the affect would be almost unnoticeable. The total mass and gravity of humans, all six-point-something-billion of us, is insignificant compared to the Earth. And the Earth is rather insignificant in the grand scheme of this galaxy. And the Milky Way Galaxy is insignificant in the grand scheme of the Universe. Feel small yet?
God chose to love you and me and sent his only Son for us in spite of our insignificance. What’s more, he created us in His image. How’s that for a quick pick-me-up?

*originally written 3/18/06

Lying on the Wind

2008-02-13T13:17:00.000-06:00

Wind on the Hill
A.A.Milne

No one can tell me.
Nobody knows.
Where the wind comes from,
Where the wind goes.

It’s flying from somewhere
As fast as it can.
I couldn’t keep up with it.
Not if I ran.

But if I stopped holding
The string of my kite,
It would blow with the wind
For a day and a night.

And then when I found it
Wherever it blew,
I should know that the wind
Had been going there too.

So then I could tell them
Where the wind goes
But where the wind comes from
Nobody knows.

Tom he was a piper’s son
He learned to play when he was young.
And all the tune that he could play-
was “Over the hills and far away.”

Over the hill and a great way off
The wind shall blow my top knot off!

This time of year, here in the country, it is likely that you will lose at least your hat to our wind, if not your hair too! But you learn to make adjustments and enjoy the benefits-like not having to rake leaves or push your children on the swings. J
Nature has long given us pictures of the power of God. The wind is no exception. Tornadoes and Hurricanes are obvious examples, but even the slightest breeze has a refreshing effect. Are you at a point in your life where you need to be refreshed? Or perhaps you need a storm to shake things loose?
The Bible gives us many examples of how the Almighty used the wind to accomplish his purpose: drying the earth after the Flood, parting rivers and the Red Sea, driving the locust from Egypt, bringing quail to the Israelite’s camp, flattening Job’s house, chastening Jonah (twice!), and many, many more. “He rides on the wings of the wind;” Ps. 104:3, “Who has gathered the wind in his fists?” Pro. 30:4, “who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses.” Ps. 135:7 A.A.Milne might not know where the wind comes from, but we sure do. Sometimes the wind is our enemy, sometimes it is our friend, but it is always at God’s beck and call.

In my elementary years, I remember discovering that on very windy days, I could lay the entire weight of my body on the wind and not fall down. Just like a kite I could be supported by the air, but I had very little control over it. The same is true today. I cannot control the great I AM, and wouldn’t presume to try! But I can trust Him to hold me up in any circumstance, good or bad. There is one condition though. I have to lie down in order to feel the thrill of being supported by my Maker alone.

*originally written 3/16/06

Right Under Your Nose

2008-02-13T13:09:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a conversation like this?
M (age 3 1/2) comes into the kitchen and asks:
"Where is my other pink slipper?"
"Well, where did you find the first one?"
"Behind the couch in the living room."
"Then the other slipper is probably somewhere near where you found the first one." (I know this because I picked it up the night before.)
(after walking into the living room) "I can't find it."
"Did you look in the boxes of toys and doll things?"
(after looking at, but not touching the boxes) "I don't think it's there. Maybe it is upstairs."
"It is not upstairs. You need to take the toys out of the boxes and actually look for the slipper."
(several seconds later, no rummaging in boxes heard) "I can't see it. I'll just wear one."
"No, M. The other pink slipper is in the box with the doll toys and dress up stuff. Trust me. I know it is there. Just go look!"
(maybe a minute later) "It's not there. I'll just go up and get the purple one."
"I don't care if you do get the purple ones, but not until you go in the living room and find that other pink slipper!! (I'm now leading, ok, dragging her by the hand and pointing) "It is in THIS box, right where I told you it would be! I can even see it sticking out!!"
(Granted, her easy going nature and flexibility are an asset most of the time, but not when any measure of determination is called for!)

Now I'm wondering if God has ever felt the same way towards me (but without the frustration and yelling)?
"You asked me for guidance and I told you where to look."
"But I can't see it."
"It's there, but you have to actually look."
"I still can't find it."
"Trust me. It's there. Try the book of James."
And so on...

He has given us all the direction that we need, but it is up to us to search and seek and find. Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened unto you."
It's right under our noses, but we have to actively look!

*originally written 3/10/06

Defragmenting Life

2008-02-13T13:07:00.000-06:00

Every so often my computer gets the hiccups, and then I know it is time to go through the files, dump all of the junk and run the defragment program on the hard drive. Most of you probably know about defrag, but for those of you who don't (and should)... As you work on your computer, adding, deleting and moving things, your hard drive gets disorganized. Bits and pieces and fragments get scattered around and then it takes longer for your computer to find what it needs. Defragmenting puts everything back where it belongs. Ta-da!
I find that my life needs a little defragmenting now and then. Some of the problem is in the physical realm where I just need to sort through, throw away the junk and put everything else back in its rightful place. But other areas sometimes need work too, like my schedule or priorities.
The biggest indicator in my life that tells me I need to defrag is our diet. When the convenience foods start appearing on the shelves, it's time to look at my schedule. Yes, "fast food" is, well, faster and therefore easier. But it's not better and it means that I am having to take shortcuts because some other area of my time management has gone haywire.
People often have a misunderstanding of what it means to have a simpler life. It is not doing everything in the easiest way possible. It is doing the best job at the things that you do, but doing fewer things. How many of us stay-at-home moms have been told by those who aren't that they just don't think they could feel "fulfilled" doing what we are doing! I would suggest then that they aren't doing it right. There is a great deal of satisfaction in becoming proficient at the diminishing home arts. Having the mailman want to stay for dinner because he can smell the wonderful aroma from my kitchen or having a friend ask me to teach her daughter how to Hardanger (Norwegian needlepoint) are among the highest compliments that I could receive. Better yet is when my husband or children would rather that I do something for them than others because I do it better.
And since I have never been complimented on a box of macaroni and cheese, it may be time to do a little defragmenting in my life! Dump the junk, put everything back in place and Ta-Da!

*originally written 3/9/06

It's not Arrogance if it's True

2008-02-12T19:47:00.000-06:00

As sinful human beings, we often fall into the trap of thinking that the world revolves around us. It could show itself when someone is relating an experience and we must put in our two bits because we view our similar experience of more value because it was harder, more painful, more exciting, etc. (i.e., "My pregnancy was harder than yours because I was in labor for fifteen minutes longer and I did it without an epidural.").
Or maybe others feel bullied into following our suggestions because we have left little doubt that our opinion must carry more significant weight than theirs (i.e., "I have attended this church much longer than you and I took a decorating course at the local community college and so therefore my choice of color for the church bathrooms must be better.").
There are many other examples. "My hat is prettier than yours because I wove it myself from reeds in my exotic flower garden." "My child is smarter than yours because he can name all 206 bones in the human body." "My chili recipe is better than yours..."
There is way too much pride running loose on our planet.

Now here is a thought that comes close to short circuitting my brain every time: God seeks those who will worship him and give him glory. Yet, far from being sin, as it would be if I were to do the same, it is for our own good! Rather than being the epitome of arrogance, it is a selfless act.

This is how that works:
1. God wants us to have the absolute best that he can give us.
2. He is the undisputed best thing in the universe. This is not pride, because it is fact. I cannot claim to have the best chili in the world because I cannot feasibly compare mine to all the other chili recipes in the world. On the other hand, every person can and has been measured against God's standard and been found wanting (Rom. 3:23).
3. Therefore, for us to have the best, He must give us Himself. He began that when he sent Christ to the cross for our sins. But there is more than that. The cross only made a way for us to be able to experience Him. Please do not read that I am diminishing the importance of Calvary! Without Christ's sacrifice, our sin makes it impossible for us to have any part of Him!
4. In order to give us himself, often our Heavenly Father must take something else away first. You and I might take a Twinkie away from our child in order to give her a piece of fresh fruit. The child is going to complain even if we have her best interest in mind. When our Sovereign Lord takes something away from us, we often feel sorry for ourselves because we do not realize that clinging to Him in its absence is better for us than the thing we lost.
5. Worshipping and glorifying God is the way we "get" the most of Him (the best thing in the universe). John Piper says "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." Our satisfaction is most evident when things do not appear to be going our way. It's easy to be satisfied when you're lying on the beach, but the world takes notice when you sing in the dungeon. Whether it be in sickness, poverty, or persecution (times when something has been taken away from us), it really is in our best interest to glorify him most at those times. This goes far beyond merely trusting him to get you through. It's about sheer delight that God has taken something from you in order to give you more of himself. It isn't really loss at all. It's Grace.
Don't miss the opportunities when they come. Don't miss the Grace. It truly is greater than anything this life has to offer.

Presumption

2008-02-12T19:42:00.000-06:00

“I want to know Christ.
I keep Him before me.
I lift up my eyes,
I drink in His glory.”
This song has been running in my head for weeks now. It truly is one of my greatest desires to be able to know my God. I long for the eternal life promised to His children if only so that I may spend that eternity beginning to understand what He is really like.

“For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through him and for him.
And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Col. 1:16, 17

How presumptuous to think that we can know what God is like, what he thinks, or feels, or will or will not do! How arrogant to think that we can know with any certainty anything about him, his plans or his character.

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! “
"For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?"
"Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?"
“For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:33-36

He needs our permission for nothing, has no cause to explain himself to us, and does not require or desire our advice. He is complete and perfect in and of Himself.

Yet we are encouraged to seek him in the Scriptures that he has left for us and we can learn of him. We can learn that He loves. The Bible, in fact, tells us that he is love. But it would be a mistake to think that his love in any way resembles human love. His love is perfect, unselfish, unconditional, and without fail. Our human love is not.
We can learn that he hates. Yet in the same way that his love is not like ours, neither is his hate. He hates without sin. His hatred is Just. What of ours?
We can learn that He is pure. Yet our understanding of purity is tainted because we live in a tainted world. We have no examples around us of true purity and therefore our very idea of the purity of God is at best flawed.
We can learn that He is light, but what do we truly know of light? Our Sun, from the very moment that Adam and Eve sinned, has been dying. Our imperfect eyes, coupled with all of the things in our atmosphere obscure its light from us. We know that the Almighty God is light and in him is no darkness at all (I John 1:5). He is pure light. Imagine being at the flashpoint of an atomic explosion. Even that is not pure light. Now imagine looking at pure light. What would happen? That light, rather than being dimmed by imperfection, would obscure all else. And that is what it would be like to see God. Only when we come to realize this can we begin to know God. When we can say that in looking at Him we are blinded, and in knowing Him we understand that He cannot be known by us, then we are free to worship Him in spirit and in truth (John 4:23,24).

Marriage is a picture of the relationship of Christ and the Church. I don’t think that any married couple would argue that no matter how long you are with someone, you find that you are just beginning to get to know them. How much more is that true of our relationship with our Heavenly Father?

Think on this, would you really love and want to serve a God who could be completely understood? How then would He be any different from us? I, for one, want to give my devotion, feeble though it may be, only to One who is bigger than myself. Unfathomable. Inexhaustible. Unsearchable. Incomprehensible.

*originally posted on 3/2/06

Sequences

2008-02-12T19:40:00.000-06:00

Patrick McManus writes a very funny story about Sequences. Basically, he wants to do something fun, like fishing, but there is a small obstacle in the way, like needing a higher test fishing line. However, in order to clear the obstacle he gets sucked into a sequence of events and never actually gets to go fishing at all. His wife wants him to pick something up in town when he goes to get the line, but in order to do that he has to return a post hole digger that he borrowed, but he hasn’t finished using it because he needs to borrow a tool from his neighbor to help with the project, but in order to do that he has to… you get the idea. In the end, he avoids the Sequence altogether and just goes fishing with the line he already has. It really is worth reading the whole story. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and the other books by Laura Numeroff are great children’s examples of Sequences.

Now, Sequences happen here all the time. This is especially true for us, since we farm. 90% of farming is working on the equipment, or tinkering. As any farm wife knows, 90% of tinkering is just staring at the thing. And it is always going to take four times longer for the men to complete the project than their initial estimated time frame. If they say it will take about an hour and then they can be back to help you hang that shelf before lunch, save yourself the nagging and just hang it yourself. And don’t start lunch until you see the whites of their eyes because they aren’t going to be back (it invariably involves a trip to Farm & Fleet) until after two o’clock and by then they will have already stopped somewhere for a “quick bite”, all without bothering to give you a heads-up. (But I digress…)
Granted, they can’t help it. It’s the Sequence’s fault. Even if you don’t farm, I’m sure you can relate. Your child needs to read a book about Abraham Lincoln, so you’re going to take him to the library to get one. But he has a science book due tomorrow and since you’d rather not make two trips, you’ll have him finish that book first. But he also needs that book to make a poster for an assignment and you don’t have any poster board…

These are innocent examples, but many times, Sin is the same way. One small thing that you did leads you to lie about it, which in turn leads to something else and before you know it a swirling vortex has opened at your feet and you feel helplessly sucked in. “But each person is tempted when he is lured by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” (James 1:14, 15)
In my Bible, I have written by this passage:

Sin will always take you farther than you wanted to go.
It will keep you longer than you planned to stay.
It will demand more than you wanted to give.
It’s “rewards” will last shorter than you thought.

Beware of Sequences!

Naughty Days

2008-02-12T19:36:00.000-06:00

J and M seem to coordinate their days so that their bad behavior tends to cluster. Fortunately, those days are infrequent. The last one included cutting the kitten Moppet's hair with pink safety scissors (M), taking the keys out of the door to the computer cpu and losing them (M), slamming the door on little sister's face (J), lots of "unsharing" and fighting (J,M) and yelling (J, M, Mommy).

At the point when I hollered "What is the matter with both of you today?", I remembered Job's wife.

Strangely enough, I like Job's wife. And I love Job's response to her. In the midst of all of the horrible things that are happening to them (she lost a lot too, remember), she despairs and says, "Why don't you just curse God and die? Just end this already." Many men would have probably smacked her at that point. Not Job. He calmly tells her that she sounds like one of the foolish women. He does not say that she is a foolish woman, just that she sounds like them when she talks that way. If I could take the liberty of editing his comment, it might sound something like, "What is the matter with you today? This isn't how you normally act. Right now, you sound like those silly, foolish women. Pull yourself together!" And throughout the rest of the book, we don't hear another word out of her. Job said exactly what she needed to hear to restore her to her former quiet, trusting self.

Job's wife reminds me that we all have our "Naughty Days"; days when we act out at those we love, days when we are selfish, proud or despairing. None of us are immune. But that doesn't have to be the norm. Sometimes we just need a reminder from Scripture or someone who loves us that "this isn't who you really are", and we can get back on track.

So, we found the keys, laughed at Moppett' s new "do" (glad that it's on the cat and not the kid), and everyone said they were sorry to everyone else. Now we're good-to-go. Until our next naughty day.

The whole book of Job is quite fascinating, but the account with his wife is in 2:9,10. Start at 1:1 for the background. John Piper has some interesting and related things to say as well.

*origianally posted 2/23/06

If I could hire three people...

2008-02-12T19:33:00.001-06:00

...one of them would spend the day following J & M around answering all of their myriads of questions. Another would be responsible for picking up, washing, drying, folding, and putting away the laundry (you know that job can keep a person busy for 8 hours a day!). The last I would keep in reserve for all of those tasks that seem to pop up out of nowhere and create lots of stress in life. Forgot that your child needs birthday treats for Awana? More library books have come in, even though you've already been three times this week? Your sister calls with a plea for an emergency babysitter? Don't worry, have the Reserve Help do it!!

On second thought, if it was someone else's job to answer my children, I would miss all of the really interesting questions. "How fast does a Beta fish's heart beat?", "Why do they always make the words in books black and not other colors?, "What does 'abrasion' mean?", "What shape is an antibody?", "What is the biggest number?", "If a polygon had one hundred sides, what would it be called?", "What does 'obliged' mean?" And on, and on, and on. And on. But maybe I should keep that job myself.
And if I had someone else to fall back on when I drop the ball or life happens, then I would have one less chance to rely on my Heavenly Father for grace and strength and the ability to come up with creative solutions. And I wouldn't be able to use those opportunities to teach my girls the life and character lessons that they contain or show them that it's alright to make mistakes and say you're sorry. So maybe I should keep that job also.

I'd still hire someone for the laundry though.

*originally posted on 2/21/2006

Calling His Bluff

2008-02-12T19:17:00.000-06:00

Most people who would probably spend the night before a week's vacation packing. I spent it writing, reading, and talking to Satan. Now, please don't bail out as fast as you can thinking I'm a lost cause. I didn't say it was a friendly conversation.

I wrote a short note to my Mommy (it included the silly little poem My Heart's Desire which might have put me in the frame of mind for what follows) and mailed it. Since I talk to her several times on most days, other than special occasion cards, I can't remember the last time I sent her something for no reason at all. Satan took that opportunity to put the thought in my mind that "perhaps it was because it would be my last. Maybe none of us would be coming home from this trip."

The devil is quite adept at playing mind games like: "what if?", "I should have...", "if only...", "does God really...?", and so on. The best defense is always scripture. And it's also okay to hide behind Christ and the Cross until he goes away. But I was tired of being bullied and so I decided to call Satan's bluff.

"Satan, I'll speak out loud, since I know you are not All-Knowing like God is and can't read my thoughts. You still might not hear me, though, since you're not Everywhere like God is. But let's just lay these cards on the table and see what you've got. What if tonight is my last night on earth? What if our plane goes down in flames tomorrow? Hmmm...let me see. Then we go to Heaven to be with the One who created us, who we want to be with more than anything, anyway, and you lose! If that doesn't happen, then your "prophecy" is false, you prove yourself a liar, and you lose! And didn't they stone false prophets?
"What else have you got? Would I have any regrets? I don't think so, but let me think a minute... Nope, I've got nothing. Sure there are people that I would leave behind, but they will all eventually be joining me, and there are a few books left to read and things to see, but nothing compared to being in the presence of Jesus Christ. I can think of nothing that I feel a desperate urgency to do or remedy or have any remorse over. So I think we're done here!"

I went to bed with the most incredible sense of peace that night thinking about the Apostle Paul and his words,
as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Phil 1:20, 21)
And unlike most nights before an exciting event, I actually slept!

*originally posted Feb 19th, 2006

The Day God Remembers

2008-02-12T19:16:00.000-06:00

Not that God would actually forget something, per se, but there are a number of passages in Scripture that talk about His remembering as well as his forgetting. When you take a closer look at them and realize what that means, it is enough to make a person pause for a long hard think.

It seems that there are about four categories that can be applied to God’s remembering. The first is a group of verses where one person, for example-King David, is praying that The LORD will remember them in their troubles and do something about it. In these verses, God has not actually forgotten them, but it seems that way to the one praying. How many times has it felt that the Lord was not paying attention and I have thought that I needed to remind him?! “Lord, remember me? I’m still here, waiting for a Little Help, if you wouldn’t mind!” Our time frame is seldom the same as His.

Secondly, there are a number of verses where someone else feels the need to “remind” God of his covenant with his people, or God himself “remembers” his covenant. God, who is Omniscient, does not truly have the capacity to forget, as we forget. These verses are merely his way of saying to us, “Yes, I remember my promises. I remember them even when you have not held up your end of the bargain. I will remember them forever.”

Now comes the interesting part. The last two categories are those of God’s remembering iniquity (Jer. 14:10) and remembering to forget iniquity (Heb. 8:12). What a terrible thing for the Almighty to remember my sin! The pain that I have caused him surely deserves all of the punishment that his perfect justice could wield! But, Oh, the sweet relief at His promise to remember it no more! The delight that fills my soul at the thought of the Eternal God putting my iniquity an infinite distance from me (Psalm 103:12) and then taking me to Himself!

What an incentive for me to “pursue holiness” (Heb. 12:14): knowing first that the judgment of God is perfectly deserved and perfectly meted out. Everyone who receives punishment from the Almighty receives it justly and with no excuses. I would not want to be in the place of one like the false prophetess Noadiah in Nehemiah 6 when the Lord “remembered” her! “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. (Heb. 10:31)”
The flip side of the incentive comes in understanding that “…He Himself knows our frames; He remembers that we are but dust (Psalm 103:14).” He is aware of our fallibility and “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9)”!!

May we pray with Habbakuk, “…in wrath, remember mercy”!

*Originally posted Feb 9th, 2006

Critical Thinking and Faith

2008-02-12T19:11:00.000-06:00

Critical thinking is one of those buzz words of the home schooling community. Several people have even told me that I am a critical thinker, but I’m not sure where they get that idea. To be honest, I’m not even sure of the scientific, dictionary definition of critical thinking. If it means being wary of taking everything at face value and always asking questions, then I stand guilty as charged. If it has something to do with super intelligence and higher brain functions, then they’ve got the wrong person.
There doesn’t seem to be any place for critical thinking when it comes to the Bible and understanding God though. At least not at first. At first, it looks like there are contradictions, inaccuracies, and just plain ridiculousness with no possible explanation. That is because God asks us to come first in faith, as a child would. One answer that always seems to satisfy my children is “Because that is the way God wanted it.” They might not understand any better (and apparently, neither do I if that is the only answer that I can give them), but they grasp that God knows best and they can let it go at that. That is what God wants of me as well. “I don’t understand, Lord, but you know best and I trust you.” Then as we accept in faith and just believe what He says, over time the pieces fall together and the picture becomes clear. What seemed to be an error now makes perfect sense. There will be things that we may not understand while we are here on Earth, but God gives us enough answers to enable us to trust him with the rest. But Faith must come first.
It is then that the critical thinking gets fun. When we believe His Word to be true, then we can begin to ask questions and scrutinize and dig for the nuggets that he has left for us. For instance, have you ever read a passage of Scripture and then put it on and wore it like a garment for the rest of the day? Imagine what it was like to be the people, absorb the flavor of the culture and see how it affects the meaning and application of the passage. What were the smells and sounds and sights of the Garden as Adam walked in the evening with the Creator? What was the physical presence of God like? How much fun was it to name all of the animals? Did it surprise Him when Eve said that the serpent spoke to her, or was that a common occurrence before the Fall? Did Adam stand witness when God slew the first animal to make clothing for him because of his sin, an animal that he had named and perhaps talked to? Did he see that first bloodshed later in his dreams? Did it help him to understand what his redemption would one day cost Jesus?
One small portion of scripture can often yield an entire day’s worth of thought. It can stand up to the most intense scrutiny and bear the most amazing results. And I am no longer surprised when I come away with more questions then when I started.

*originally posted Feb 5th, 2006

The Merrymakers

2008-02-12T15:37:00.000-06:00

I am often surprised at what I find in Scripture. It is not that I am making any "new" discoveries or that I have a special insight unlike anyone else. Sometimes it just seems that when you focus on a detail that would otherwise seem insignificant, what you find can be amazing. The following is an example:

In my Psalms reading, I have discovered another “role” that God has for His women:
Psalm 68:24, 25 says,”They have seen Your procession, O God, The procession of my God, my King, into the sanctuary. The singers went on, the musicians after them, In the midst of the maidens beating tambourines.

HMM! That’s interesting. It turns out that there is a bit more scripture on this than I had ever noticed before.

“And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances. And Miriam answered them, Sing ye to the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.” (Ex 15:20-21)
“And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she [was his] only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.” (Jud 11:34)
“And see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin.” (Jud 21:21)
“And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet King Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of music. And the women answered [one another] as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” (1Sa 18:6-7)
“And the servants of Achish said unto him, [Is] not this David the king of the land? Did they not sing one to another of him in dances, saying, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands?” (1Sa 21:11)
“[Is] not this David, of whom they sang one to another in dances, saying, Saul slew his thousands, and David his ten thousands?” (1Sa 29:5)
“Tell [it] not in Gath, publish [it] not in the streets of Askelon; lest the daughters of the Philistines rejoice, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised triumph.” (2Sa 1:20)
“Take a psalm, and bring hither the timbrel, the pleasant harp with the psaltery.” (Ps 81:2)
“Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.” (Ps 149:3)
“Again I will build thee, and thou shalt be built, O virgin of Israel: thou shalt again be adorned with thy tabrets, and shalt go forth in the dances of them that make merry.” (Jer. 31:4)

From these verses, and I would guess that there are more, I gather that it was a normal custom for the women to come out when their men returned from a victorious battle to sing and dance before the Lord in honor of His victory over their enemies. The men were probably tired from the fight, but for the women it was a Parade!
A few things pop out at me right away. The women must have had some sort of forerunner or scout that returned before the rest of the army to tell them the outcome of the battle. (as women, we are sure good at our grapevines, aren’t we?) They would have needed a little head start to freshen up their faces, put on their party clothes and grab the tambourines.
Also, if this was the custom, then Jephthah should have known that his daughter would greet him in this manner when he returned from defeating the sons of Ammon. His vow truly was rash. I learned later that there was also a legal provision that would have allowed Jephthah to redeem his daughter with silver had he known the law and taken advantage of it. His ignorance twice condemned her. (See Judges 11:29-40 for the whole story.)

These women lifted up their victorious men in such a way that other nations heard of it (1 Sam 18, 21, 29).
The custom was not limited to the women of Israel (2 Sam. 1:20).
Some times it speaks of the virgins performing the custom, and other times it does not specify. A woman's class, wealth, or station seems to make no difference in her participation.
In the passage in 1 Chronicles 15, when David brings the ark of the covenant to it’s rightful place in Jerusalem after being stolen and returned by the Philistines, he dances before the Lord in the same manner. His wife Michal despises him for this. Could it be that she saw it as “woman’s work” and her problem was not just that he was “naked” (or clothed in his ephod rather than his royal robes)? Perhaps, if she had performed the custom for her husband, there would not have been a need for him to do it himself. It is also interesting to note in 2 Sam. 6:20-23 the remainder of the incident. Michal chastises David for being undignified before his servant’s maids, who were probably dancing with him according to the custom. David defends himself quite well to her by saying that it was before the Lord that he was dancing, not man. He continues by saying that he would be humbled much worse than that in the future, but that he would be distinguished in the eyes of the maids. (Was this possibly because the lower class is always edified when those above them stoop for a time to help in their humble duties?) Michal’s punishment was barrenness until the day of her death (a sentence passed by God, or by David?).
A look in the Strong’s Concordance reveals that the word for “dances” used in these verses is the same in every case except for David’s. The definitions looked identical, but the primary root word was different. (I need to consult another source.) It used the words “whirl” and “twirl”. I don’t think that I can derive from these passages that it was an organized, choreographed dance. Neither can I imagine that it was an animal-like frenzy. A happy jumping for joy comes to mind.
What implications does this carry for me? The most obvious would be an unabashed display at God’s victories in my life. Make it colorful, loud and full of joy!
I think it can also be said that the same display needs to be given to God’s triumphs accomplished through my husband. How true that our men often come home victorious, but too exhausted from the battle to celebrate. That's when their women need to step in and step lively!

Fertile Ground, part 9

2008-02-12T15:26:00.000-06:00

First Fruits
It is always exciting to go out to the garden just for a look only to come back with that first armload of produce. My garden never ceases to astound me. No matter how much I neglect it, it still plugs away at completing it's God-programmed mission. The seeds sprout, the plants mature, the fruits appear and eventually feed our family. Granted, if I actually spend time tending the plants, they are likely to produce significantly better. But that is another discussion.

Hauling in a heap of beans and more snow peas than I know what to do with started me thinking about what the Old Testament says about "first fruits".

"The best of the firstfruits of your ground you shall bring into the house of the LORD your God." Exodus 23:19
"And behold, now I bring the first of the fruit of the ground, which you, O LORD, have given me." Deuteronomy 26:10
"Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce;" Proverbs 3:9

Many of us have had it wrong. The paycheck comes in and we designate a prescribed amount for The Lord. But that is not how the scenario works out in my garden. When I bring in the first fruits, I have no idea what the final yield will be. So to give the Lord of the first fruits of my garden would be an estimated guess at best. For that guess to be accurate-- or perhaps appropriate would be a better word--I need to consider how much time and effort I am planning on spending to make the garden a success. I also would want to err on the generous side, so as not to cheat the Lord out of what is rightfully His, especially since He provided it all in the first place.

It gets a little trickier when trying to apply the "first fruits principle" to the other things that we might tithe: time, talents, resources, etc. I know beforehand that I will have 1440 minutes in each day. I also know with a fair amount of certainty what the paycheck is going to be each week. In those cases, giving the first fruits becomes more a case of not counting the cost when I give to the Lord. Instead of setting aside 30 minutes for a spiritual quiet time in the morning, why not get completely immersed in listening to 1 Timothy and before I know it, I've finished Philemon! It might mean less time for the laundry (there I go with more excuses for avoiding the laundry!), but the payoff is immeasurable. Not only in my own life, but what kind of impact will it have on my girls when I tell them that the laundry isn't done because I was enjoying reading the Bible so much that I lost track of time?

Or a special need arises with a missionary or family in the church and instead of just plopping the allotted ten percent in the plate, why not give a little more and see what happens. Again the payoff is in the Lord's hands. It might mean we can't afford the cable tv for a couple of months, but imagine explaining to the kids why not. And imagine what it will put back into the harvest of my time!

Our lives tend to follow a pattern similar to the God-programmed mission of the garden. If we neglect our relationship with our Savior, our spiritual life suffers and so does every other aspect of our existence. Yes, we still manage to pay bills, teach our children and complete our other tasks. But when we give the Lord the firstfruits of our time and other resources, the final yield is often astonishing! When I spend that first portion of my day fellowshipping with and worshipping my Sovereign Creator, somehow the other tasks of the day seem to take care of themselves. Maybe I work more efficiently. Maybe a fresh perspective makes some of the jobs less important than I had originally thought. When I give generously to the Lord's work regardless of what the budget says, somehow the other financial responsibilities get taken care of. Maybe there is more overtime on the paycheck. Maybe a payment gets refunded unexpectedly. I can't really explain it.

But I do know that when I joyfully give of the firstfruits in my life to the Lord, the end result is always far greater than I could have imagined!

Fertile Ground, part 8

2008-02-12T15:17:00.000-06:00

Mulch

Mulch is a beautiful thing. Not just because it makes things look better either. Mulch is beneficial for the garden in many ways. It helps to keep the weeds down. Soil retains moisture longer when it is covered with mulch. It makes it easier to mow. It slowly adds organic matter to the soil as it breaks down. I could go on.
After talking about it for far too long, I finally brought home a truck load of beautiful mulch this weekend and put it on my newly weeded flower bed. And it looks great. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last forever. As it breaks down, or blows away, it must be replaced. And the weeds do still get through. It does make the job easier, but it is not a one-time, fix-it-and-forget-it solution.
The things that we do to maintain our relationship with our Heavenly Father are not one-time, fix-it-and-forget-it tasks either. It takes daily, sometimes hourly or minute by minute upkeep or the weeds get in fast and ferocious. Can you imagine if David said “Maybe next week I will pray to you”? Or imagine if Deuteronomy 6 (the quintessential passage for Christian homeschool parents) told us to teach our children about the Bible only when we felt like it or happened to remember? We can’t read a chapter one week or memorize a verse one month and expect it to last us indefinitely. That is why we have countless examples in scripture of godly people who diligently sought after God’s face faithfully. To many of them it was more important than food or even life itself.
Do we feel that way? Are we willing to carve out a little time for daily maintenance? Or, like the mulch, do we just want to throw a little down and expect miracles?
God’s Word encourages us over and over to keep scripture before our eyes. There are 774, 746 verses in the Bible. Go ahead and count them if you don't believe me! Let's make a commitment together to memorize one verse every day for the next month, okay?

Fertile Ground, part 7

2008-02-12T15:13:00.000-06:00

Garden Clubs

Since I know absolutely no one outside of our church or Christian family, when our small town started up a garden club recently it suited my purpose to join. I attended the first meeting with some trepidation. Pictured in my mind was a gaggle of women in pastel dresses, hats covered in flowers and white gloves to the elbows sipping weak tea out of dainty china cups as they discussed the latest cultivars of geranium to be added to their porch collection. In my version of gardening, I drag 600 feet of hose around and plant trees with a loader tractor. I break spades on a regular basis and I am always sweaty and filthy. I did not think I would have anything in common with the other members of this club.
Perhaps I have been reading too much (as if!), but I was immediately relieved upon arrival. We met in the Ag department of the local high school and there was not one dress, flowery hat or pair of gloves to be seen. Some of the immediate plans for the club are: landscaping some of the local parks, having lectures on topics like pests, pruning, and wind erosion prevention and sharing perennials badly in need of dividing with other members. This is going to be a good thing. I am meeting people not only with the common bond of a love of gardening, but also with the willingness to get down and dirty in order to get the job done.
As I scrutinize gardening and compare it to our spiritual life and search for practical applications, I keep running into two repeating themes. They are hard work and a zeal for the unwanted task. Perhaps our Lord intended for the Christian life to be simple, but I don’t think he ever intended it to be easy. So much of what we need to do to maintain our spiritual integrity is just plain hard. It takes toil and pain and grief and sacrifice and no small amount of diligence and patience. It also means getting our hands dirty, and I don’t mean with sin, but rather with sinners. Discussing different cults or popular trends that fly in the face of Scripture in our Sunday School classes is all well and good, but only if we take what we learn and share it. Solving the problems of homelessness, drug abuse and teen age pregnancy around the coffee table is no solution at all. We need to open the sheltered havens that we have created for our families and let others in. We need to be willing to make mistakes and learn from them. We need to risk being hurt in order to reach out.
Yes, our Lord Jesus set aside time with the disciples to refresh himself. He spent time alone in prayer with his Father. But the example that we see is that most of the time, he was out with the people. He was touching the leprosy to heal it. He was being rejected by his own family. He was dying for us all.
What kind of influence do we want to have? What kind of example do we want our children to see in us: Pretty but with no real use, or a little on the grubby side but infinitely practical? In cultivating souls for Christ, what kind of garden club are you in?

Fertile Ground, part 6

2008-02-12T15:11:00.000-06:00

The Bird Bath

What garden is complete without a bird bath? We love watching the various interactions that take place there every morning. Birds can be so silly! Bird baths bring a great deal of delight to our yard, but there is no question that they also bring some work along with them as well. They have to be filled, sometimes several times a day. And if you don’t clean them periodically, you don’t have a bird bath. You have a science experiment.
One of my tasks this week has been keeping someone’s plants watered while they are away. At the end of the first day I filled the bird bath before I left. The second day, it was still full when I arrived. The third day, it was still full and that seemed odd. An hour after I fill mine, the birds have already come and splashed most of the water out. So I took a closer look and found a layer of yellow scum. Under that was a thick layer of brown scum. And under that was a layer of green algae scum. So I cleaned it and today when I arrived, it was almost empty. The birds had begun using it again.
Throughout the 23rd chapter of Matthew, Jesus chastises the Pharisees for doing what it takes to appear righteous on the outside, but leaving the inside as unclean as before. It seems they were always missing the point. He always came down hard on hypocrites, comparing them to blind guides and tombs full of bones and unwashed cups. Maybe the imagery of a filthy bird bath would have suited his purpose just as well.
The next time I fill the bird bath in our yard, I will be thinking about the Pharisees. And asking myself, “Am I just walking the walk, talking the talk, and doing the deeds to make myself look all spruced up on the outside?” or “Am I doing what is right because the cleansing power of the Holy Spirit has been at work in my life and I do it because I have a passion to see the glory of my God realized in the lives of others?” If not, maybe it’s time to get out the scrub brush. I really want to be useable, not just decorative.

Fertile Ground, part 5

2008-02-12T15:07:00.000-06:00

Worms

Prior to breaking ground before we built our house, our acreage was a bean field and had been farm land for generations. A common misconception is that farm land is fertile, rich soil in the prime of health. That is far from true. Because of the extensive and rigorous growing of crops, the soil is often deplete of nutrients yet full of pesticide and herbicide residuals. Yes, farmers fertilize, but it is chemical in nature, rather than natural. However, my purpose is not to bemoan or condemn current farming practices. The long and short of it is that when we took possession of this piece of land, there was not a worm on it. And that is sad.
Worms, for many reasons, are a gardener’s friends. They fertilize and aerate the soil, create passages for water to penetrate and indicate the general health of the soil. A good rule of thumb is ten worms per cubic foot of soil. That means that if you dig up one cubic foot of soil, ideally you would find at least ten worms in it, if your soil is in good shape. On the other hand, chemicals, good and bad, destroy the worm population. While chemicals can be a great help to the farmer and gardener alike, they are ultimately a short cut that must be used over and over, often more and more frequently to obtain the desired results rather than a more permanent solution to the problem.
For life application purposes, I would be hard pressed to find a verse in the Bible about worms that was suited to this discussion. However, you only need to do a search for the word “diligently” in Scriptures to see that there is not a quick spiritual fix or short cut to a holy life. Are we satisfied with just “Our Daily Crumbs” or are we willing to put the time and effort into developing real study habits? When our Lord shows us the path he wants us to take, are we willing to follow or do we balk at his direction because it seems too hard? Just as worms are an indicator of soil health, there are also indicators in our lives of spiritual health: a spirit controlled temperament, patient or even joyful response to stressors, a willingness to give when we ourselves have need… If we could dig up a cubic foot of our soul, would we find ten evidences of the fruits of the Spirit?
I am happy to report that after 2 ½ years of planting and watering and lots of work, the last hole that we dug for a tree yielded several very long, very fat night crawlers! The worms are returning. The soil that God created is very resilient and is healing itself. I am also happy to report that God created our souls that same way. Healing is possible. With patience and labor, we can begin to see fruit in our lives once again.

Fertile Ground, part 4

2008-02-12T15:04:00.000-06:00

Relief
I love a good storm out here in the country. You can see the clouds piling up and marching across the sky long before they are overhead. I love the sounds of the raindrops on the roof and the rumble and crack of the thunder. The smells present during a storm awaken something in me that I cannot fully describe, but it is both satisfied and wild at the same time.
I have heard all of the simplistic ways that parents explain thunder to their children. “The angels are bowling in heaven today.” What a trivial way to sell your kids short of the truth! We have had numerous discussions about thunder and lightning as well as about the incomparable power of God. What is the purpose of lightning? I understand what it is and why. I also know that it helps to replenish the ozone layer. But what strikes me is that God could have dealt with the ozone in many ways, but he chose lightning because he could. Imagine that after all of the raw power needed to maintain the entire universe, the Almighty has plenty left over for the incredible displays of electricity during a storm.
After the drought that we had here last year (2006), the rains this spring have been a welcome refreshment. Did you know that one inch of rain over one square foot of ground weighs 5.2 pounds? And one inch of rain over one acre weighs 113.31 tons. Imagine if God just dumped that out of a bucket all at once. There would be flooding and great devastation. The crops as well as the people would be drowned for sure.
But the rain is a perfect picture of God’s grace. He measures it out to us just as we need it and when we need it most. And like the cooling rain, our Savior’s tender grace brings with it a life giving relief to the dry, fallow ground of our hearts. It can soak in and awaken new life in our soul, if we have sown the seeds by storing his Word in our hearts against lean times.
The next time it storms in your area, get as close to it as you can (or dare!) and talk or think about the power of God and his restraint of that power. Find verses that describe his grace. Or have a “water music” concert by singing as many Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs that talk about water as you can think of while you watch the rain. You just might find yourself longing for those drippy-have-to-stay-indoors days!

For you left brainers that need to know how I came up with my figures for the weight of rain, click here. http://www.ag.ndsu.nodak.edu/dickinso/research/2004/range04c.htm

Fertile Ground, part 3

2008-02-12T15:01:00.000-06:00

The Weapons
Many products have been developed in recent years and added to the arsenal of weed prevention and elimination. There are methods that are chemical, mechanical and manual. Some of them even work…for awhile.
Chemical warfare has a great deal of appeal. Just spray the little buggers and sit back on your porch swing and imagine them twitching and spasming as they gasp their final breath. It is very satisfying to just “nuke ‘em”. It can also be expensive and the practice is beginning to create “super weeds” that are more and more resistant to the herbicides. There is also much debate and protest about the effects that the chemicals have on humans. (Note that I am not taking sides here. I see both the need and the harm in chemicals. Realistically though, I have three acres that I am trying to control. Poast, Roundup, and Weed-Be-Gone are three of my best friends!)
Another relative in the chemical family of weapons is the pre-emergent variety. Put it down and the weeds can’t even begin to grow. But neither can any other kind of seed. And there is a residual effect in the soil in subsequent years. All in all, the chemicals are quick and effective, but costly in more ways than one.
Mechanical methods are a little different. Tillers, mowers, cultivators and the like require more effort on our part and the return is not always very good. You have to know your enemy. Rototilling a patch of dandelions or thistle is actually about the best thing that you can do…to help them. Some weeds can duplicate themselves from very small pieces of the original plant. Cutting them up only multiplies them. Knowing whether a weed is perennial or annual and how it will respond to mechanical cultivation goes a long way in making your efforts effective.
Even though it is the hardest, manual weed removal is my favorite. I named my hoe “Manuel Trabajo”. (A Spanish/English pun-a hoe named manual labor-get it?) I also do a lot on my hands and knees. When you pull a weed out by the root, you know that one, at least, isn’t coming back. There is also something about being alone with your thoughts and your Creator that makes weeding by hand doubly worth while. You’re already on your knees. You might as well make the most of the time. Take the opportunity of the quietness of your heart (no head phones allowed!) to hear the things that your Heavenly Father would say to you. See the application of Scripture in the work before you. There is a greater understanding of what it means to be “rooted and grounded” as you care for the plants in front of you. A stubborn weed brings new meaning to the “root of bitterness” that the Bible talks about. You can become intimately acquainted with everything in the patch of soil you are working with, from the worms (which you are happy about) and slugs (which you are not), to the Bells-of-Ireland that traveled across the yard. You can get to know your Savior a little better at the same time.
There is a parallel to our Christian lives here as well (surprise!). Just as the weeds themselves are a picture of what sin can be like, so the methods of removing them can also be like our ways of dealing with sin. There is no “quick fix” for sin. You can’t just spray it and walk away. You also can’t just get rid of some of it. The whole thing has to go or the bits and pieces left behind can make a bigger mess. There is much prayer and diligence ahead when you want to eliminate the things in your life that God hates. And when you finally conquer something that has taken control of part of you, there is great satisfaction.

Fertile Ground, part 2

2008-02-12T14:54:00.000-06:00

Turning three acres of farmland into a thing of landscaped beauty is fast becoming one of the more difficult endeavors of my life. Henbit, lamb’s quarter, velvet leaf, pig weed, thistles, dandelions, purslane, knotweed-You name it, I’ve got it. Grass, trees, shrubs, flowers-I’m still working on them. Little did I know that I was not drawing up a landscape plan just over two years ago. I was drawing battle plans.
I have since learned a great deal about the enemy, fighting strategies, and the weapons specific to this particular war. I’ve also learned a few other lessons on the way. I’d like to share some of them with you.

The Enemy
Weeds come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Some of them have even befriended our children in an effort to end our zealous attacks against them. By my definition a weed is any plant that is not where it belongs. If the Mexican Primrose spreads too far, it becomes a weed, although I have a difficult time hating it. True weeds, the ones that inspire feelings of animosity, all share several characteristics: they grow rapidly, spread quickly and are difficult to get rid of. The field clover that I battled with yesterday were not there last year and now they are all over the yard and the roots are often two feet deep or more. Yet, the plants that I want to grow wilt at the thought of frost, don’t like wind, have to be watered constantly, and take forever to get big enough to even bloom.
That reminds me of sin. It seems that sin often springs up overnight, needs no encouragement whatsoever, and has a way of spreading just like weeds. It takes no time at all for sin to embed its roots deep in our lives and it is very hard to get rid of once it is there. Yet, all of the good habits and things that I want to cultivate in my life require a great deal of time and effort and die at even the slightest hint of neglect.
How frustrating! I love how the Apostle Paul puts it.” I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.” (Romans 7:15-21)
But there are ways for dealing with both weeds and sin!

Fertile Ground, part 1

2008-02-12T14:35:00.000-06:00

*Fertile Ground is an ongoing devotional of sorts that springs from times spent with the Lord in the garden. Some of the most valuable lessons for me have been whispered to my heart when I am alone, on my knees, in the dirt.

The Plan
You want to start a garden. Maybe you have in mind a lush green lawn surrounded by beds of tumbling and cascading fountains of color, with each season bringing new variety. Or perhaps your idea is of soldier-straight rows of vibrant green plants each bearing mounds of perfect produce that would make even Burpee envious.
So, you throw out some seed and hope for the best? No! Whether simple or grand, you must start with a plan. Some gardeners begin in January, curled up next to a cozy fire with an avalanching pile of seed catalogues. They make lists, draw diagrams, check and recheck. When spring finally arrives, they are ready. They head out with new gloves, clean spades and hoes, and carefully using stake and string they plot their patch. With textbook precision they plant each seed, and precisely on cue, each seed sprouts perfectly spaced and identical. They wouldn’t dare do otherwise.
The rest of us start about two days before our frost free date. That’s because each year we have to look up when it is safe to plant and it always sneaks up on us. So we end up running to Wal-mart, picking a handful of seed packets that look interesting and haphazardly tossing them in rows we scratched with the blunt hoe that still has last year’s clods on it. We get a lot of “help”, so in the end, we’re not even really sure what is in each row. But at the end of last season we were sure we were going to do it right “next year” and we had a plan, even if it was just a fantasy.
There is another kind of gardener, though. This gardener spends time learning about different kinds of plants that they might want to grow. They order their seeds in advance and get their tools ready. They might even have a picture in mind of how they intend to plant this year, but they are open to the idea of changing that plan. They make allowances for the little people that help with and spend time in their garden as well as for the wildlife that might visit there. And they delight in surprises like a butterfly chrysalis found or the unexpected flower planted by a bird. When something doesn’t work, something else is tried. A great deal of care is given, but there is also a great deal of joy.
Have you sensed where I’m going with this yet?
Every life needs a plan, and I don’t mean careers and relationships either. Simple or grand, we all need a spiritual plan. Will it be regimented and strict? “A place for everything and everything in its place” but no tolerance for anything outside of our plan and no joy either? Or will it be a slap-dash mess? Hastily thrown together at the last minute because we forgot and we’ll do better next time?
There is another way. It requires a different kind of mindset. Make a plan, but be open to the Holy Spirit’s leading in other directions. Be willing to drop everything in order to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves with the little ones and allow time to share with those whose lives touch yours only briefly. Enjoy the surprises. Work through the mistakes. Be vigilant, but be flexible. And there will be joy!

I'll Take a Side Order of Abnormal, Please!

2008-02-12T14:17:00.000-06:00

For those of you who have read J's story here, I want to clarify something. I do not want people to feel sorry for us that we experienced her birth in such a way. I don't want sympathy that I didn't get to be a "normal" Mom.
There are so many things that I would have missed out on if she had been a full-term, 7.5 pound, 21 inches long baby girl.

If I had carried her in my womb, I would not have gotten to watch the miracle of God's design take shape in front of my very eyes.
If I she had waited and I had gotten to hold her right away (instead of having to wait 6 1/2 weeks), I would have missed the priviledge of holding her for hours at a time before most Moms even get to see their babies.
I would have missed the delight of meeting the people who have dedicated their lives to extending the limits of birth instead of cutting it short. (Some abortions still take place when our daughter was born!)*This was true when I originally wrote it, but I don't know if it still is.
I would not have the level of comfort with leaving her in the care of others that I do now, if I had not gotten so much practice in the beginning.
Every mother experiences God's Grace upon the birth of her children, but (and I hope this doesn't sound cocky) I believe that I am aware of a deeper measure of that Grace because her circumstance was completely out of our control and beyond our ability to "cope".
I got a chance to heal and recoop before I brought the newborn home.
And don't be jealous, but she was practically sleeping through the night the day she came home (the monitors and breast pump weren't, but that's beside the point)!
I can think of others, but the biggest is that I would not have the confidence to raise her with the knowledge that God must surely have a purpose for her in mind since he went to such great lengths to make sure she survived!

Yes, it was a difficult time, but I would not trade one second in the NICU for all the stretch marks and labor pains in the world (yes, there's a little gloating there) and the chance to experience a little of the "Abnormal" or "God's normal instead."

*Today is J's 9th birthday. She will always be smaller, and there are a few things that she struggles with, but they are all very minor compared with where she has come from! I will never be able to thank our Heavenly Father enough for supporting her every breath when there was nothing anyone else could do. He alone is the reason she is alive today and He alone deserves the praise and glory. I did send flowers to the NICU though. ;)

Flash Forward

2008-02-01T13:44:00.000-06:00

The story does not end there, but I will spare you the long, drawn out version. Suffice it to say that J is thriving in her one-of-a-kind way! She will always have an issue with vision, but that is minor. She also has Sensory Integration Disorder which serves to keep life interesting for all of us. She is still doing some catching up in the large and fine motor areas as well as emotional maturity, and she will always be smaller in stature. All of those things, while they do cause some frustration (when I am operating in the flesh and not by the Holy Spirit), are small potatoes when I remember where God has brought us from!
You would think from what I have written so far that J is our only child, but that is not so! Stepping out on faith alone, we decided to try again. After all, J needed a sibling! And with only a few bumps along the way, we had our second daughter almost four years ago. MR could not be more different than her sister! They are both unique and wonderful testimonies to the continued creative genius of our Lord! And whether J would admit it to anyone or not, M has been a blessing to her. She relates to her imagination as only a three year old could, comforts her, pushes her buttons in all the right (and sometimes wrong!) ways, and gives, gives, gives.
With the addition of two cats, fourteen fish, and the hope of a dog this year, our family is now complete. As exciting as the first leg of our trip on this Path of Grace was, I look forward to finding out what God has in store for us in the days to come!

Sola Fide!
Sola Gratia!

J's Newborn News, pt. 2

2008-02-01T13:28:00.000-06:00

Issue 3 5/12/99
Month three already! Can you believe it? It seems like we were just finishing the last issue of the newsletter only days ago. Once again, you all have been faithful in praying and God has been faithful in answering. I am constantly reminded of the verse "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think..." (Eph. 3:20).
Progress Notes
If all of you had seen J when she was born, you would not recognize her now. She currently tips the scales at 2 pounds, 12 1/2 ounces and is over 15 inches long. She has been successfully weaned from the steroids and most of the time is in 25-28% oxygen. She takes part of her feedings from a bottle three times a day and is almost ready to come out of her isolette into an open crib. She pulls the oxygen prongs out of her nose, pulls the feeding tube out of her mouth and holds her pacifier in with her hand. She smiles, interacts with us, and is generally just extremely cute in her too big jammies.
She has had 19 blood transfusions since birth. Because of all of the tests they have to draw blood for, it only makes sense that every once in a while they have to give it back! All preemies get type 0- blood regardless of their own blood type.
There are basically only four issues left for J to deal with before she comes--dare I say it?--HOME! 1.) She must be able to maintain her own temperature. 2/) She must be able to take all of her feedings from the bottle. 3.) We are trying to determine if she has Reflux (a condition very common in even term babies--that would not prevent her from coming home). She is currently on Zantac and Reglan just in case. And 4.) J has stage 3 of a condition called Retinopathy of Prematurity, or ROP. This is a condition where, because of prematurity (and possibly high concentrations of supplemental oxygen) abnormal cells form at the edge of the retina at the back of th eye. If it progresses too far, the cells can hemorrage, causing scar tissue to form, which, in turn, can cause detachment of the retina and blindness. 75% of the time, ROP resolves on it's own, or laser surgery can be perforned to correct the damage. Please pray with us that God would have His way in this also.
Named by God
Although we did pray about what to name our baby, we chose "J" after her Great Grandmother on her Dad's side of the family. We did not know it's meaning until she was two months old. Through the diligent research of some friends, we have learned that the Scandinavian name means "The one God loves". I truly believe that in spite of the family associations, God chose her name. And I no longer worry about the outcome of all of this. What message could be more comforting than that of His love for her?
I realize that this part is a repeat of a previous post, but at this point, I am just typing the newsletters as they went out.

Issue 4 7/12/99
You all probably thought I had completely forgotten about the next issue of our newsletter, didn't you? I didn't exactly forget, but J is HOME now and you know what it's like to have a new baby in the house! I'm lucky if I get breakfast before noon! Well, maybe it's not quite that bad, but sometimes I do wonder where the time has gone. Oh well. I'll worry about windows and floors when she's gone off to college. Right now, I'm making up for lost cuddle time!!
Catching Up
So many things have changed since our last update, I hardly know where to begin. J now weighs a chubby 5 pounds, 13/12 ounces, and is 18 inches long. She is still on oxygen, but I have her off for as much as 13 hours at a time and hope to be giving that up soon. She has eight different meds: two to help remove extra fluid (diuretics), sodium and potassium (electrolytes-because of the diuretics), iron, a multi, and the Zantac and Reglan for reflux. When she comes offf of the oxygen, she should lose half of her meds.
On May 27th, J did have the laser surgery for Retinopathy in both eyes. It went very well and she has recovered quickly.
The biggest news, however, is that on June 12th, exactly four months from her birth, J was sent home from the hospital!!!!!!! Never having slept in a dark or quiet room, she was pretty restless the first night. By the second night though, she had adjusted. She continues to sleep very well at night, for which we are grateful.
Moving On
As we look forward, there are a couple of remaining issues. 1.) The retinopathy will always be an issue for J. There are a couple of things that we are watching closely for the time being, but she will always be at a greater risk for retinal detachment. Also, any eye problems, like nearsightedness, could likely be worse than they would have been otherwise. Fortunately, there are solutions to all of those things.
We continue to be obsessive about her nutrition and risk for infection, and we cope with the monitor (I will refrain from calling it names for the time being), and oxygen daily. Someday we will be able to get in the car with only the typical baby periphenalia and not the additional fifty pounds of support gear!
After a month at home, we have settled into a delicate balance between routine and mayhem. The steady stream of visitors and support crew is a welcome change to the drudgery of hours on the road and a seeming eternity in the NICU--although I can't possibly fit another thing in my fridge! If you want to stop by for a short visit, call us. We'd be more than happy to show off our little answer to prayer!!
Many Thanks!!
There are a few people that we would like to extend our gratitude to:
WP--How can I ever thank you, W, for all you have done? You provided a haven for both body and spirit when I needed it most and a ready friendship when I was so far from home. May God richly bless you for your willingness to help.
R and T V--We thank you for the fellowship and cheering up when we needed it and for giving us a chance to forget why we were in Peoria for awhile.
All our family and friends--You provided a steady stream (and sometimes a flood!) of encouraging notes, "gas money", and prayers. We could not have done it without you.
It goes without saying that we will be forever grateful to the doctors, nurses and staff at St. Francis. There could not have been a better place for our daughter.
Most of all, we extend our meager praise to our Lord, who provided an experience that would cause us to grow and allow us to partake of a deeper measure of His love and grace.
Even after almost seven years, I feel the gratitude to these people as deeply as ever.

That was the last newsletter to go out. We did have the opportunity to visit a number of the churches that were on the prayer and mailing lists and what a blessing that was!

J's Newborn News, pt. 1

2008-02-01T13:24:00.000-06:00

The following are the "Cliff Notes" to time we spent in the NICU. It comes from the newsletter that we sent out regularly to a rapidly growing body of people praying for J after she was born.

Special Edition
Greetings from Peoria! And Welcome to the first edition of J's Newborn News, a monthly newsletter (we hope!) dedicated to updating all of those we know are thinking of and praying for our little Micro-Preemie (we have been informed that she is too little still to even qualify as a preemie.).
On February 12th, at 6:32pm, JL Christian was born by an emergency, 45 second cesarean section. She was 16 weeks early and weighed just 1 pound, 1 1/4 ounces and was 11 1/2 inches long. The last month has been one of the longest of our lives, but at the same time we can't believe it went so fast.
J has been busy. She has had one helicopter ride, three infections, seven ventilator changes, eleven medications (not counting I.V. electrolytes, nutrients and fluids) and who knows how many lab tests. If you can guess how many X-rays she has had to-date (3/17), we will send you an autographed photo--when she learns how to write! :)
J did not have any of the cerebral hemoraging that is possible in such tiny babies and the doctors were able to close her PDA (patent ductus artery--which shunts blood away from the lungs in the womb where they are not functioning) with medication. She did, however, develop a condition called PIE, or pulmonary interstitial emphysema, where the little alveoli in the lungs burst and leak air into the surrounding tissue. It is caused by trauma to the lungs, which in this case, was probably a combination of pneumonia and the ventilator. But...X-rays have shown no sign of PIE for more than a week now!
The only continuing problem that she has had is what is called Chronic Lung Disease. Although it is serious, it is also not unexpected. A baby this age would not even be in contact with oxygen in the womb, but since the ventilator support is unavoidable, the oxygen that keeps her alive is also toxic and can cause damage. It is possible that J may come home on some type of oxygen support, and it may take her until she is about three to grow out of it completely. Currently, steroid treatment to help with the inflammation and lots of milk and a little time to help her grow are the orders of the day. There are some side effects to the steroid, including an increased risk of infection, and stunted growth (ha-ha!).
The other thing that the doctors are trying is nitric oxide therapy. NO is an experimental gas that acts as a vosodialator (or opens up the blood vessels to give a better exchange of oxygen). If it is effective, it will work well in conjuction with the steroid to help relieve J's lungs.
In all of this, God has supported and sustained us and shown Himself mighty in our lives. Just the way He helped us to discover how sick I was and provided for us to deliver Jurene at the optimum time staggers me when I think about it. And the way He has upheld our daughter...I cannot even put it into words. All along the way, He has given us reassurances that He is taking care of us. When I asked for a verse to cling to, He gave me Job 33:4, which says, "The spirit of God hath made me, and the Breath of the Almighty hath given me life." It doesn't matter what the ventilators do or don't do. As long as our Sovereign God chooses to support her, J will be fine. And what a party we are going to have when she comes home!!
A special thank you to all of you who have sent cards, gifts, and "gas money". We can't even begin to thank you all. Knowing that God's people are praying for us is one of the things that make it possible to face the NICU each day. We love you all!
Going to press we have learned that J now weighs 1 pound, 11 ounces! Wow!
Just a note from hindsight: I am amazed that I even spoke of her coming home in this first newsletter. I know that we had faith and were trying to be positive, but they had only given us a 20% chance of survival. Daily, we wondered it that would be the day we would say Goodbye. What a poke in the eye for the whole idea of "chances"! There are no chances with a God who never sleeps or slumbers and is never taken by surprise!

Issue 2 4/12/99
Wow! What a month this has been! As we celebrate J's two month "birthday", and I reflect on the progress she has made, at first it is hard to believe that she has come this far. But then I remember who our God is, and how He loves to surprise us by answering our prayers in ways we never would have dreamed of.
This month we have had some dark nights, great relief, spiritual lessons, and many firsts. And through it all, you have continued to pray. Will I ever be able to express to you the great peace and calm that God sends each time the prayer chains are started?
The Journey
One month ago, the settings on J's ventilator were as high as they could go, and it still wasn't enough. I made a dumb mistake then. I took the matter out of God's hands and asked the doctor what his "gut" feelings were about her prospects. And he told me. He was "very pessimistic about her survival." I forgot that gut feelings don't count when God is in control. The next twenty-four hours was very black for all of us. They wanted to try an experimental gas (the Nitric Oxide I mentioned in the last issue). We signed the consent forms and waited and prayed. And the NO began to take effect!
Next, they added the steroid, Decadron, to J's list of medicines. In conjunction with the NO, it worked wonders. In short, last week J came off of the ventilator and onto a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure), and yesterday she graduated to a nasal cannula! She is only getting 25-29% oxygen now. The air we breathe is 21%. What a long was she has come!
The next step in the plan is to wean her off of the Decadron so that she can grow faster. After losing a little, J has managed to gain some weight, and now weighs a hefty 1 pound, 13 1/2 ounces! She continues to do well with her feedings and might get to try a bottle feeding in a week or so.
Last month, I gave you the opportunity to guess the number of J's X-rays from birth through March 17th. The correct answer is 74!

Some Firsts
Chad and I have both gotten to hold J!*
I gave her her first bath! She hated it!
First real tears
First unassisted breaths
We can see her whole face now!

Out of the mouth of...
"That baby needs some steak!" Eric, age 11--on seeing J's picture for the first time.
"How is that Baby? Has she outgrown that wedding ring yet?" Amy, age 6*

More on holding her later! A picture in the next post will explain the last comment.

Discovering the Path of Grace

2008-02-01T13:19:00.000-06:00

Opportunities for grace, depending on our perspective, often feel like being hit with the rushing water from a broken dam. When we are going our direction in life and God changes our direction, that change can seem none too gentle. It is only after we submit to our new direction that we have the chance to look around and enjoy the path. Not unlike the difference between flowing with the river instead of fighting against the rapids.
God really does intend all things for our good and his glory (Rom. 8:28-30, Rom. 5:2), which, incidentally, are one and the same.

J was in the NICU in Peoria for 17 weeks. I saw her for the first time two days after she was born. I was by myself. That was a mistake. There is no way that the pictures I had seen could have prepared me. All of the tubes and monitors and machines didn't phase me. I had worked in hospitals from Jr High on. But her size floored me. Her head was smaller than my fist and I wear a size 5 ring. Her fingers were as thin as a cooked spaghetti noodle. I could barely breathe. I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't touch her. I was terrified of her. And yet, like a lioness, I wanted to throw my body over her and protect her from everyone and everything in that room.
Over the next several days, I became accustomed to life in the surreal world of the NICU. It has a pulse and breath of it's own and time stands still in it's dim light. I learned to touch my daughter and found my voice. I sang, told stories and talked to her. Then they sent me home. I cried the entire two hour drive away from Peoria. I am crying now as I tell you about it.

The next several weeks were very hard. I tried to be there as much as I could, but I was still recovering from being very ill and having surgery. Finally, things settled into a routine. I would leave Monday morning and stay in Peoria until Wednesday afternoon. Then I would drive home, make sure Chad had clean laundry and food (someone had to stay home and work-they told us she would probably run up bills near the half-million mark!), and then drive back Thursday. Friday night, I would come home again so that Chad and I could go down on Saturday together. I stayed home on Sunday to be in church and rest. I can never express how the prayers of others sustained us during that time. The prayer chain that was started while I was in the helicopter had continued until over sixty churches worldwide were praying for tiny J. It was during this time that we began to learn about surrenduring to our circumstances in order to benefit from His Grace. We all receive God's grace, but are we aware of it? This is what I call the Path of Grace. More on that later!

We sent out a newsletter to update people. I am going to attempt to include them here!

His timing, not ours

2008-02-01T13:04:00.000-06:00

For three days I dealt with the headache, vision problems and heat wave from the Mag. Friday morning came and the peace was gone. I felt like the bottom could drop out and we could lose control of the situation. I said as much to Dr. L (the Perinatalogist) and he listened. A few tests confirmed that I was right. We couldn't wait any more. I was going to have my baby that day.
Maybe later I will have my Mom write about that day. I was too busy being sick to remember much of it.
Everything was set. I had an epidural and was going to get to be awake to see J. Chad was going to be in the delivery room and was getting dressed. But before the epidural was running J started to crash and they put me out. Fast. Forty five seconds later, our daughter was born. At 23 weeks, she weighed 1 pound, 1 1/4 ounces and was 11 1/2 inches long. They tell me that she cried like a newborn kitten.

Now, the trouble with a blog is that you don't see the growing pile of kleenex beside me as I type and you don't get the feeling of the long pauses when I have to go down and interupt what my girls are doing to hug them tight! Even after seven years, this still affects me profoundly. I pray it always will.
God's Grace is evident even in the timing of J's birth. Because I had been sick for so long without knowing it, J had been under a great deal of stress in the womb, which actually helped her to develope a little faster. When I woke up that Friday with no sense of peace about waiting, neither I nor the doctors could have known that her placenta was about to fail. If that had happened, she would most likely have died before they could deliver her. God knew that she had been in my womb as long as she could benefit from it and it was time for Him alone to take over.
This is the first picture taken of J. The bottle next to her holds 2 ounces.

Microwave Baby

2008-02-01T13:00:00.000-06:00

The phrase "bun in the oven" didn't apply to my first pregnancy. I used a microwave instead! And just like some food in the microwave, our daughter didn't brown on the outside and wasn't completely cooked on the inside when she was born.

I am one of the world's worst pregnant women. The only glow I had was the reflection from the porcelain. I don't remember one day of actually feeling good and being expectant at the same time. So in February, at 22 weeks, it did not surprise me that my body was once again rebelling. But this time, I believe by the whisperings of the Holy Spirit, I couldn't just rest and ride it out. I had been flushing in the face and on the neck for some time, but dismissed it because it happens sometimes in reaction to things I eat. On a Sunday night, I had my nurse mother-in-law check my blood pressure. It was high. I called the doctor, but since I didn't have a headache, he told me to lay on my left side and come in first thing in the morning. By then, it was higher. So, he laid me down, turned the light off and told me to rest while he made a phone call. When he returned, he said they were going to send me over to the hospital. Thinking 24 hours of observation was in order, I went. I checked myself in and walked up to OB. Five minutes later, Dr. R walked in. (I should have clued in to the fact that he had left a very full waiting room of patients behind.) They drew blood, ordered an ultrasound...
Dr. R told me that he had talked to a Perinatalogist and they were going to send me down to Peoria. I was still thinking consultation and I'd have to get gas in the car first, when his nurse asked if she should order the ambulance and he responded, "No, she's too sick. We need to get the chopper up here right now."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What? Wait a minute... And all of sudden, I did have a headache, and I was terrified, and I cried the whole time that Dr. R explained about Preeclampsia and how dangerous it was for both me and the baby. I called Chad and Carol (my mother-in-law). We couldn't reach my parents. I was given steroids to speed up the baby's lung development and a bolus (Big dose) of Magnesium Sulfate (I shudder just typing the words) to prevent labor and seizures. After Chad arrived and everything was explained to him, he had to go in the hall and put his head between his knees to keep from falling down. A matter of minutes later, I was whisked into the Life Flight helicopter and waved as we took off. I felt a sense of peace come over me and completely relaxed. I knew that by then the prayer chain at church had been started and I had seen what happened when those dear people put their mind to praying!

Forty five minutes later the real whirlwind started. Doctors, lights, tests, needles, and more drugs. Somewhere in all of that, family arrived. Chad and his parents came first with my Mom and Dad shortly behind them. And we learned that the baby was a girl! Oh, Joy! A girl would have a better chance of survival and we had wanted a girl.

The medicine helped and my blood pressure stabilized. Magnesium Sulfate has some really wicked side effects, like feeling like a rotisserie chicken, but I knew God would help me deal with it. So I prepared to settle in the hospital until the baby could be safely born. I was two hours away from home, and I knew I would get stir-crazy, but it was worth it for our child. Our little J.

What's in a Name?

2008-02-01T12:45:00.000-06:00

When J was two months old we finally learned what her name meant. We had named her after my husband's Norwegian grandmother, but could not find the meaning. After much searching, a distant relative in Norway contacted us. The name Jurene means "the one God loves". It was the final assurance we needed that all was the way it should be. As if God had named her himself. We did not know the outcome of that path we were on, but He loved her and that was enough.
And now, I suppose I shall have to tell you her story!

Starting Over

2008-02-01T12:23:00.000-06:00

Several years ago, I created a blog on homeschoolblogger.com. I do not have any problems with that website or the people there. I do, however, have several other blogs here at Blogger and in the interest of convenience, I am going to start moving select posts from there to here.
The purpose of the blog will remain the same: a place for me to post some serious contemplations and some serious silliness as we make our journey down the path of grace that God has set for us.
Some of the themes that are likely to pop up now and again, in no particular order, are: homeschooling, having a preemie and the challenges that follow, thoughts on God and the Scriptures, letterboxing and related topics~like hand carving rubber stamps, raising two girls, and recipes, among others.

Shall we, then?