They make T-shirts now that say "Because I Said So!" in big, bold letters across the front. And for some parents that might seem like the easy way to get out of explaining themselves every time they speak. Whether by habit, innocent curiousity, or intentional peevish annoyance children have a knack for making us crazy with their persistent question "Why?".
Long before they could even speak I purposed in my heart to attempt to answer all of the girls questions with a reasonable answer. How could I have possibly foreseen what that would mean or known that my head would not always be up to the task? That is when I find myself replying "Because I said so", or "Because if you don't you will be disobeying and you will be in trouble!" There are some times when unquestioned obedience is not only desirable, but urgently necessary.
This weekend my parents, both of my brothers, and their families~including two new nephews~ will be gathering in Ohio. And I'm not going. The reservations have been cancelled and the suitcase remains empty.
I'm not going because I'm not supposed to go. Because God said so. I don't have any reason beyond that. But I am going to obey. Even though it's hard and I'd like to sulk off to my room and pout. I love my family dearly, make no mistake, but in the light of an eternity in the presence of my Savior my relationship to them is a fleeting thing, like the steam rising from a tea kettle. We imagine a day in Heaven when we will be reunited with loved ones that we have lost and no longer be separated from the people we care about. But I wonder if we will even give them a second thought once we see Christ in his full glory and join in perfect fellowship with him. (Dear family, if any of you happen to see this, I hope that you will read nothing more into it than a deep longing to be truly home.) So if He asks this of me, I willingly obey if only for the sake of being made more into the image of His Son. (If only!)
One of the prayers in The Valley of Vision asks:
"Let us be at thy disposal for the duties and events of life,
submit our preferences to they wisdom and will,
resign our enjoyments if thou shouldest require it as our absolute Proprietor and best Friend."
The task at hand is to submit, resign, and place myself at my dearest and chiefest Friend's disposal. He is always generous, forgiving, and completely sufficient. He will never ask anything of me that is not in my best interest. He is never sadistic, spiteful, or cruel. He does sometimes ask us to do difficult things as his followers. But the beauty of following is that you are never alone. Christ is always with you. In fact, He is right in front. He will never leave us or forsake us. Because He said so!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Someone's at the Door!
Once again Grace comes knocking. We have been given the opportunity to rely on that deeper measure of Christ's all-sufficient, sustaining Grace in our lives.
I don't remember if I have ever written about DH's Pudendal Neuralgia before, so I'll sum it up quick. During the move into our new house four years ago, a latent condition that my husband had was stirred into conscious awareness. Since then it has become a living, breathing member of our family with a life of it's own~or it seems that way, at least. Pudendal Neuralgia, or Pudendal Nerve Entrapment (henceforth referred to as PN, or PNE) is a malady in which the Pudendal Nerve that runs through both sides of the pelvis is restricted or trapped, causing pain and a whole host of other problems. Think of it as Carpal Tunnel in your butt (Did I just say that out loud?). Any task like sitting, walking, bending, lifting or anything that requires you to use that muscle group causes damage to the nerve and subsequent pain. About 2 years ago, after an extremely frustrating time of wrong diagnosis and medical insanity, we found a doctor who not only knew what he was talking about, but is one of the world's foremost authorities on PN. DH went through a series of steroid injections, to no avail, and finally surgery for the PNE, also with negligible results.
Flash forward to this last weekend, which found us making the 400 mile trek up to the Twin Cities for the first in another series of the injections. The hope is that since the doctor is the one who arranged the nerve and surrounding anatomy in it's present position, the steroid and Heparin shots will be more effective this time.
I am reminded often of Paul's "thorn in the flesh", and this certainly qualifies. The physical pain is not my own, true. But how many times can a loving wife say "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you. You just have to trust that God knows what he is doing and will give you the grace to get through this." before it starts to sound like a trite cliche? Before "Just trust God" becomes reminiscent of "Just suck it up, man!"?
And yet, truth is never trite or a cliche. If Christ could suffer the unspeakable agony of the cross for "the joy that was set before him", surely He is able to carry us through the worst that this fallen world has to offer. We are promised as much in 2 Corinthians 4:14-18 "knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.
For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
What lies beyond it, rather than the pain, is the source of joy. Because the pain is temporary, even when it seems interminable, we can focus our attention on the face of the one we will be with for eternity. Again, in Isaiah 65:17 we are promised that in heaven the cares of this world will be obliterated from our minds. Those are the promises that we cling to because without them, we would have no hope. And Hope is a pretty powerful pain killer.
I don't remember if I have ever written about DH's Pudendal Neuralgia before, so I'll sum it up quick. During the move into our new house four years ago, a latent condition that my husband had was stirred into conscious awareness. Since then it has become a living, breathing member of our family with a life of it's own~or it seems that way, at least. Pudendal Neuralgia, or Pudendal Nerve Entrapment (henceforth referred to as PN, or PNE) is a malady in which the Pudendal Nerve that runs through both sides of the pelvis is restricted or trapped, causing pain and a whole host of other problems. Think of it as Carpal Tunnel in your butt (Did I just say that out loud?). Any task like sitting, walking, bending, lifting or anything that requires you to use that muscle group causes damage to the nerve and subsequent pain. About 2 years ago, after an extremely frustrating time of wrong diagnosis and medical insanity, we found a doctor who not only knew what he was talking about, but is one of the world's foremost authorities on PN. DH went through a series of steroid injections, to no avail, and finally surgery for the PNE, also with negligible results.
Flash forward to this last weekend, which found us making the 400 mile trek up to the Twin Cities for the first in another series of the injections. The hope is that since the doctor is the one who arranged the nerve and surrounding anatomy in it's present position, the steroid and Heparin shots will be more effective this time.
I am reminded often of Paul's "thorn in the flesh", and this certainly qualifies. The physical pain is not my own, true. But how many times can a loving wife say "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you. You just have to trust that God knows what he is doing and will give you the grace to get through this." before it starts to sound like a trite cliche? Before "Just trust God" becomes reminiscent of "Just suck it up, man!"?
And yet, truth is never trite or a cliche. If Christ could suffer the unspeakable agony of the cross for "the joy that was set before him", surely He is able to carry us through the worst that this fallen world has to offer. We are promised as much in 2 Corinthians 4:14-18 "knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.
For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
What lies beyond it, rather than the pain, is the source of joy. Because the pain is temporary, even when it seems interminable, we can focus our attention on the face of the one we will be with for eternity. Again, in Isaiah 65:17 we are promised that in heaven the cares of this world will be obliterated from our minds. Those are the promises that we cling to because without them, we would have no hope. And Hope is a pretty powerful pain killer.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Reformation
As a self proclaimed slacker extraordinaire, I find myself in the unusual position of feeling the need to own up to my responsibilities. It's not a good feeling either.
I got a good look at the wreck that is our house this morning. Sure, I keep the areas where we live and breathe at a tolerable level. Dishes get washed. Garbage gets taken out. Laundry gets washed, if not folded. Bedsheets get changed and the bathrooms are wiped down regularly. If I find out that company is coming, in a matter of about an hour, I can have the visible part of the house looking pretty good.
But a sequence got started this morning and I have no idea where it will end. It began when I needed to go in the bonus room (an unfinished room above the garage) for some fabric to use in a flowerbed. That led to the discovery that something has taken up residence there. *cue ominous music and a feeling of sinking dread* Which means I'll need to move the things that are stored there to the basement. But first, a space in the basement has to be cleared out. Which also caused the discovery that the girls have not been cleaning the playroom like I was being led to believe. Some of the stuff in the basement needs to go out to the garage, which barely has room for the cars in it.
While I was in the basement, I saw the enourmous pile of games and projects that I should be spending time doing with the girls too. So not only do I have the guilt of not managing my household as well as I had deceived myself into believing that I was doing, but I also have the guilt of not spending as much time with my kids as I need to be.
Obviously some changes need to be made and I don't even have a solid game plan at this point. I have already packed away all of the stamp carving and artist trading card supplies. I have also set up Atlas Quest to send mail to my email account. Until some of these other things are under control, I am going to have to swear off letterboxing. And that is going to be one of the hardest things of all.
And I probably won't be blogging too much in the next couple of weeks. But hopefully when I return, I'll have pictures of a sparkly new house, happy children, beautiful flowerbeds, and maybe a dead varmint or two. OK, so maybe no pictures of the varmints.
Wish me luck.
I got a good look at the wreck that is our house this morning. Sure, I keep the areas where we live and breathe at a tolerable level. Dishes get washed. Garbage gets taken out. Laundry gets washed, if not folded. Bedsheets get changed and the bathrooms are wiped down regularly. If I find out that company is coming, in a matter of about an hour, I can have the visible part of the house looking pretty good.
But a sequence got started this morning and I have no idea where it will end. It began when I needed to go in the bonus room (an unfinished room above the garage) for some fabric to use in a flowerbed. That led to the discovery that something has taken up residence there. *cue ominous music and a feeling of sinking dread* Which means I'll need to move the things that are stored there to the basement. But first, a space in the basement has to be cleared out. Which also caused the discovery that the girls have not been cleaning the playroom like I was being led to believe. Some of the stuff in the basement needs to go out to the garage, which barely has room for the cars in it.
While I was in the basement, I saw the enourmous pile of games and projects that I should be spending time doing with the girls too. So not only do I have the guilt of not managing my household as well as I had deceived myself into believing that I was doing, but I also have the guilt of not spending as much time with my kids as I need to be.
Obviously some changes need to be made and I don't even have a solid game plan at this point. I have already packed away all of the stamp carving and artist trading card supplies. I have also set up Atlas Quest to send mail to my email account. Until some of these other things are under control, I am going to have to swear off letterboxing. And that is going to be one of the hardest things of all.
And I probably won't be blogging too much in the next couple of weeks. But hopefully when I return, I'll have pictures of a sparkly new house, happy children, beautiful flowerbeds, and maybe a dead varmint or two. OK, so maybe no pictures of the varmints.
Wish me luck.
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