Rhetorical Answer

Rhetorical questions are dangerous. The person asking might not be expecting an answer, but that doesn't mean that my brain isn't going to devote hours to thinking about them anyway. Recently, a dear friend posed just such a question. And while I believe that she understands the depths this question plumbs, I don't know if she is expecting a response. This is for her.

The question is, can you miss someone you've never met?

My DH has several relatives that meant a great deal to his whole family, but they passed away before I met him. I wish I could have gotten to know them. So, in a sense, their absence creates a hole that cannot be filed. Does that longing mean that I miss them? I have friends across the globe that I know only through means of electronic communication. Can their distance cause pain? Do I have a right to grieve when they are gone?
Can you miss something that you never had in the first place? I dare you to ask that of any mother who has lost a child in the womb.
By extension, can you be homesick for a place you've never even seen?

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God....These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city." Heb 11:8-10, 13-16

 The writer of Hebrews also tells us that "Faith is the assurance (substance) of things hoped for, the conviction (evidence) of things not seen."  There is no need for faith where there is not a desire for things not realized yet. Look at that another way and you could go so far as to say that deep longing for what we have not experienced yet is the essence of faith. And that longing is centered around the person of Christ.

I Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
I John 3:2 Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. (Hallelujah!)

There is no doubt that there is a precedent for this idea. I know that not a day goes by when something does not remind me that this is not my true home and that my family is not complete here.
Our relationship with the Divine informs our human, earthly experience (or it should). Which brings us back to our original question.
Can you miss someone you've never met?

With every beat of my heart.

Heaven on Earth

Yesterday morning our pastor began his message with an illustration about what Heaven on Earth is like for him. If you want, you can listen to the message. While there were several things that I really needed to hear, it got me thinking. What would Heaven on Earth be for me? That is a much more difficult question than I had imagined.
It has been suggested that, for me, it would be no more doctor's visits, lots of hiking and plenty of Jelly Bellies. To that list I would also add dark chocolate and snuggling in front of the fire with my family while we read a good book together. However, when I examined that list more closely, I came to a painful realization. All of those things are an escape.
In fact almost all of things that I enjoy doing are a means of escape in some way. Sure, they serve other purposes as well; but carving, working on embroidery, or reading all require a level of concentration that shuts out reality for a time. Even chocolate creates a temporary retreat where for a brief moment you are entirely focused on savoring the silky sweetness. All else slips away, however fleetingly.
Not that my reality is all that bad, mind you; especially compared to some. So I'm not sure what it is that I'm escaping from. Laundry. Boredom. Nagging questions and bills. Watching my DH suffer. Bad weather. Sickness and death touching friends and family. Brokeness.

The point is that I do not want my thoughts of Heaven to be only that of escaping from the unpleasant things this world throws at me. There is a preciousness in learning to value the suffering in this life in order to collapse on His grace and treasure the rest that is promised. Do I only long for Heaven because it will "get me out of here"? Some days the answer is Yes. But what about the rest of the time? More than thinking about what I'm running away from, I want to be focused on what I am running toward; which is an eternity of communion with my Savior not hindered by my sin.
That leaves my original question still unanswered, but it can't be helped. My idea of Heaven is not just experiencing a moment that is the way it would be in a perfect world, but rather a restoration of the perfect fellowship between man and his Creator. And that can't be reproduced here on earth; not with all the Ghirardelli's in the world.

Christmas Contemplation

Perhaps you've seen the discussions and polls on the social bulletin board sites about whether our president should continue to call it the national "Christmas" tree or change the name to "Holiday" tree instead. While I haven't participated in those polls, I have done a great deal of thinking about this subject. Here are some of my conclusions*:

• I don't give a hoot what the president does. His life and actions as well as the actions of a large percentage of our nation do not revolve around bringing honor and glory to God. What he chooses to call the tree won't change that.
• The argument that calling it a holiday tree is just taking one more thing away from the Christians is only valid if the government is the source of the Christians' faith. If recognition or approval from the government is necessary to authenticate one's beliefs, then I would encourage a reexamination of those beliefs. Following God has never been the popular thing to do and Christians are never promised support from the leadership of our world. In fact, the opposite is true. (Ps. 20:7, 8; Gal. 1:10; Acts 4:26; I Pt. 3:14-16)
• Christians belong to a kingdom other than those represented on our globe. We are strangers and pilgrims here. Temporary exiles. If we get too comfortable with secular contemporary customs and society and we risk being like Lot's wife.
• I call into question the possibility of the Gospel being spread merely through the name of an object. The heavens declare the glory of God, but I don't think that includes an electrified evergreen on the White House lawn.
• Religious freedom...oh, I am not even going to open that can of worms.
  

*These comments are not aimed at any specific person or persons, et cetera. And by all means, feel free to disagree with me.

Giving Up

The Vally of Vision

LORD, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

LORD, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty
thy glory in my valley.

(this is the title prayer in Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)

With a mere 50 acres of corn left in the field, the combine harvester blew out it's engine on Monday. This is a catastrophic failure that will cost my FiL a ridiculous amount of money to fix.
In the context of a much larger, not-looking-so-grand-anymore scheme of things, however, it is merely one event among many that is out of our control.
You've probably noticed that there doesn't seem to be much left that is under our control. Truth is, there never has been. It has just become much more obvious lately. Everywhere you look there is pain and disease and broken relationships. No one seems immune.
In an ever increasing way I am becoming more aware of my own emptiness. I am powerless to alleviate the pain of others in spite of how deeply I care for them. I can't fix machinery that is beyond repair no matter how desperately it is needed. I cannot heal hearts and souls regardless of how much I long to do so.
There is nothing left to do but give up.

Not quit. Give up.
Give up trying to be the hero when that was never what God intended for me in the first place. Give up striving and straining and stretching and reaching.
Give up thinking that I have something to offer in and of myself.
I need to just put it all down and come to my Savior with my empty hands extended and ask him to fill me.
Fill me with forgiveness for denying the grace that was always mine if I would just admit I needed it.
Fill me with trust that His plan is perfect even if I can't imagine how it will all work out in the end.
Fill me with a rest that is not dependent on sleep. A rest that can look past the howling winter wind and feel the warmth of the sun. A rest that can take a nap in a storm tossed boat.
A rest that believes Romans chapter 8.

Communion Confession

Like I have nearly a dozen times before, I sit here struggling with the dilemma of whether to write this post or not. It relates to a thought that even I find offensive, and I'm the one thinking it. Which means that others will certainly view it that way as well. I'm going to write it anyway.
From the time I was nine years old I have been participating in the Lord's Supper with other followers of Christ. For better, or worse, I have always attended a Baptist church. I tell you this not because I think that Baptists are more "right" or better than other Protestant religions, but because it colors my understanding of Communion in a certain way.
While some churches celebrate the Lord's Supper on the first Sunday of each month (or some other variation), the congregation that I am part of now makes it part of the worship service each week; a practice which, incidentally, I enjoy.
Except that this continual practice keeps this uncomfortable thought in my mind almost constantly. However, it was only recently that I came to realize that, unpleasant as it may be, it is true.

Each time we take the bread, or the cup and read the words "This is my body" or "This is my blood" and are commanded to eat or drink, I cannot help but think that it smacks of cannibalism.
Did I say that out loud? I warned you that it was offensive. But please don't stop reading now. If you do, you'll leave with the same terrible thought on your mind that I had for years.

When any human being consumes another human being, there is nothing else to call it but cannibalism. But there is more than one reason for such a practice. The one that jumps to the forefront is the cultural participation of a spiritistic or animistic society. Cannibalism as part of a pagan religion is horrifying. Mental or social deviancy would be another, equally repulsive reason.
The third reason for such an act is absolute desperation. Impending death can make even the mildest person do unbelievable things. The rugby team on flight 571 back in the early 70's comes to mind. Faced with such a dire circumstance, we look on them not in disgust but with pity.

And is that not the exact situation we find ourselves in? We are all dying in trespasses and sin (Eph. 2:1) with no hope of saving ourselves. Actually, according to the verse, we are already dead; not just dying. A dead man can do nothing for himself. The blood of Christ, shed in our place, is our only hope of rescue. Faced with impending eternal death, we come in absolute desperation and accept what he freely offers. There is no way around it.
The Communion table itself is not what saves. It is merely the reminder of what has already taken place. We come each week and remember how utterly without hope we were and fling ourselves anew on the grace of the Cross. We relish the memory of Christ's sacrifice because it means life for us.
Being humbled in such a way is offensive to our human pride. It is insulting to think that we could not have come up with a better way to secure our salvation. Romans 9:33 describes Christ as " a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense" but goes on to say "and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame." Partaking of the new covenant in his blood will not be what condemns us. It is what saves us. Even if that is a tough bit to swallow.

The Art of Illustration

Human communication is a fascinating thing. People employ methods using flags, lights, dots and dashes, music, alphabets, and a multitude of different types of sound. Some people are much better at it than others. Language is such a flexible, intangible medium. A person's skill at transferring an idea to another becomes readily apparent in many different ways, but two specifically come to mind; those of Instruction and Illustration. If you'd like to try a fun exercise testing your ability to Instruct, do the following:

1. Get together a small group of middle school children.
2. Give each of them a large blank sheet of paper and a pencil.
3. With your back to them so that you cannot see what they are drawing, give them step by step instructions for drawing a tulip. You may have one drawn up first to use as reference, but do not allow them to see your picture.
   
4. You may not use any identifying words like: flower, tulip, leaves, stems, petals, etc. You may use line and basic shape terms like: diagonal, curved, oval, short, etc.
5. When you are finished, compare their drawings with your own. How close did you get?

The pictures the children drew are a fun gauge of your communication skills and the results are quite obvious. It is much more difficult to determine the effectiveness of Verbal Illustration. Any time you draw comparisons you are making a verbal illustration. Public speakers, teachers, pastors, and parents use illustration often to clarify a point or give added insight. We're going to focus on pastors and Bible teachers, but not because I'm picking on them. Anyone who is trying to communicate the concepts of Scripture uses illustration to bring understanding to absolute Truth, which makes their skills all the more important.

When a Bible teacher uses an example from sports, home life or the working world to bring clarity to a text, you are going to understand that illustration because it comes from your life or something that is real to you. That is the nature of the illustration. Whether you will be able to accurately transfer the meaning of the illustration to the truths of God's Word is an entirely different matter.
For example, Holy Scripture itself speaks of God as a Father and Christ as a Son. All humans beings should understand the concept of Father and Son, so that illustration is natural and makes sense. However, each of our own personal experiences is going to color that understanding. Is your father angry, or absent, or abusive? How will that effect your view of God? You will know that a pastor or teacher effectively communicates the idea when you come away with the knowledge that we should not compare God with earthly fathers, but rather hold the Heavenly Father up as the standard to which all earthly fathers should be compared.

Because it relies on human understanding and human terms, all illustration is going to break down at some point. In the above example, the breakdown is obvious: not everyone's father is a blue ribbon Dad. In other illustrations the flaw may not be so apparent. Imagine the tragedy if the truths about Redemption, or Faith, or Grace were unknowingly communicated incorrectly.

Those of us in teaching positions need to be vigilant in our use of illustration. Are we illuminating truth, or obscuring it? Scripture often clarifies itself without the need for outside examples. It is far safer to rely on other passages to bring light to the subject than to risk introducing elements that will only confuse. On the occasions when it is necessary to expand the available information, we should be careful in our choices and make sure that our examples are understood as we intend them. That means not assuming that your audience knows what your are thinking.

Trying to communicate truth and realizing my own shortcomings (an immediate effect, I might add) gives me a great appreciation for those who do so effectively on a regular basis. Illustration is an Art. And just like drawing or painting with watercolors, it is much harder than it looks.

The Art of Silence

Somewhere out there someone knows how many personal electronic devices there are in existence. I don't really care about the particulars. For a long time, I resisted being assimilated, but now, like many others, I own an iPod. And I love it. It has given me the capacity to listen to music, Scripture, and sermons countless hours on end on the mower and treadmill, and for that grace, I am thankful.

I don't want this to become a rant against technology, but I do have one caution regarding such tools.
Without quiet, Thought becomes difficult. In the chaos of sound, the voice of the Holy Spirit can be drowned out. Creativity is distracted and meditation is impossible when it is noisy. And noisy doesn't just mean loud. Personal, human relationships are stunted when technology moves from being a tool that is skillfully wielded to a drug or a crutch that cannot be lived without. Silence is a necessity. In order to hear the "still, small voice" the whirlwind must cease.
I have not done any studies to back this up (although I'm sure someone has), but I'm guessing that our brains and bodies need quiet in order to be healthy and function in an optimum way.
Our society promotes the idea of a "green hour", or a time when you and your household stops the consumption of energy in order to help the environment. (resisting the urge to jump on that soapbox...) Imagine what might happen if you instituted a "quiet hour". How would that effect the environment in your home?
Make it a point to weave some silence into your life and the lives of your children. Unplug. Walk in the woods. Swing on the porch. Use the opportunity to preach grace and repentance to your soul. Tune in to the subtle noises in your surroundings. Have you ever been amazed by something a child hears long before it comes to your attention? You would be astounded at the cacophony of sound present in silence.
By all means, use the available tools when they can be an asset. Just be cautious that they are not interfering with relationships or hindering your thought life. Set up some guidelines and stick to them. And make sure to turn it off every now and then. I dare you.

An Unconventional Tithe

Cassette tapes are quickly going the way of the Dodo and the 8 track, but there is a beloved favorite in the van that will be mourned after it plays for the last time. One of the songs talks of

"All the Sundays the offering plate's gone by,
And as I gave my hard earned dollars,
I felt free to keep my life."

Another favorite tape holds a sermon that I heard during the first week of my college career in which Dr Fred Mortz preached from Isaiah 44:14-17.

He cuts down cedars, or he chooses a cypress tree or an oak and lets it grow strong among the trees of the forest. He plants a cedar and the rain nourishes it.
Then it becomes fuel for a man. He takes a part of it and warms himself; he kindles a fire and bakes bread. Also he makes a god and worships it; he makes it an idol and falls down before it.
Half of it he burns in the fire. Over the half he eats meat; he roasts it and is satisfied. Also he warms himself and says, "Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire!"
And the rest of it he makes into a god, his idol, and falls down to it and worships it. He prays to it and says, "Deliver me, for you are my god!"

The short version is that this man takes a tree and uses it to build a fire for heat and for food and then with the garbage left over, he makes an idol to worship. The question asked of us by Dr. Mortz was "Are you giving God the garbage?"

These two tapes have been used in my life by God as tools for conviction on numerous occasions. Couple that with the realization of the magnificent amount of time that I have wasted on the computer lately and you have the makings for some radical life changes. Starting today, I am going to attempt to tithe my time. A traditional 10% tithe of a 24 hour day is just under 2 1/2 hours. That seems a bit intimidating to start out with, so I'm going to take my SiL's suggestion and try tithing my waking hours in the beginning, or 1 hours, 36 minutes...give or take a few.

DH and I have set a time for evaluation after a one month trial period. How I continue will be determined by how my family feels about it and how my house looks. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I started this practice today and still had time for school, finishing the taxes, washing windows and (don't tell) folding all the laundry. More importantly, I wonder what my life will look like?

More on this in days to come, I suspect!

A Challenge for Pastors

I Timothy 4:13
"Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching."

There is nothing that makes my spirit sink more than hearing from the pulpit, "...but we're not going to take the time for that now." This usually happens after the speaker has just referenced a longer passage of Scripture.
Forgoing the reading of these passages implies several interconnected things.

• It implies time constraints on the Holy Spirit. Sure, the Holy Spirit is allowed to work in the pastor's heart or the hearts of the people in the congregation, but he only has until straight up noon or until time for kick off.
  
• It implies that everyone in the church has ADHD and can't possibly tolerate listening to longer portions of God's Word. (There are any number of times in the Old Testament that we are told that the nation of Israel listened to the reading of Scriptures for hours at a time, all while standing.)
  
• It also implies that the speaker cuts the reading short in order to use the time for his own words. Which, in turn, implies that his words are more important than God's.

So what exactly is the challenge for pastors? Don't short sheet the Bible reading! Take the time!!

The parallel challenge for the laity? Don't short sheet your pastor's Bible reading! God's purpose for us is to be conformed to the image of his son and not conformed to this world (Romans 8:29, Romans 12:2). This world is concerned with time and fleshly pursuits (like football and whether the roast is burning). The pastor's job is to shepherd the flock in spiritual concerns. He should not feel pressured to cut out portions of scripture just to get us out "on time". Leave your watches at home. And take down the one in the sanctuary!!

There are also applications of this in our private lives as well. Do you spend more time reading what man has written about the Bible or reading Scripture itself?

**note** This has nothing whatsoever to do with anything that has happened in my church and is not directed at anyone in particular.

Desert Island Library

"If you were stuck on a desert island, what book would you want to have with you?"
Now before you spend much thought on this hypothetical question, know that I ask it tongue in cheek.

Not that the question bothers me. I know that these theoretically impossible questions are good conversation starters. The usual answer is what gives me pause. It often goes, "Well, other than the Bible, I would want such and such a book with me." Granted, the books that people suggest are often great, but this answer implies two things.
First it implies that the person answering knows that the respectable and expected answer, especially among professing Christians, is that they would want the Bible with them. So with very little thought other than saving face, they throw the Holy Scriptures into their book bag.
Yet how many of us, myself included, act on a day to day basis like we cannot live without God's Word? Is that what it would take for us to fall in love with the Bible? Being stuck on a desert island with absolutely nothing else to do?

The second implication is that the Bible wouldn't be enough. One would have to have something else to keep occupied. As if in some way the Bible isn't sufficient for us!!

Most of the time people's answers reflect (or attempt to reflect) a love of literature, philosophy or the intellectual. But given the circumstances, I would trade all the Tolstoy, Neitzsche, and Lewis for a good Boy Scout survival manual. Other than the Bible, of course.

Because I Said So!

They make T-shirts now that say "Because I Said So!" in big, bold letters across the front. And for some parents that might seem like the easy way to get out of explaining themselves every time they speak. Whether by habit, innocent curiousity, or intentional peevish annoyance children have a knack for making us crazy with their persistent question "Why?".

Long before they could even speak I purposed in my heart to attempt to answer all of the girls questions with a reasonable answer. How could I have possibly foreseen what that would mean or known that my head would not always be up to the task? That is when I find myself replying "Because I said so", or "Because if you don't you will be disobeying and you will be in trouble!" There are some times when unquestioned obedience is not only desirable, but urgently necessary.

This weekend my parents, both of my brothers, and their families~including two new nephews~ will be gathering in Ohio. And I'm not going. The reservations have been cancelled and the suitcase remains empty.
I'm not going because I'm not supposed to go. Because God said so. I don't have any reason beyond that. But I am going to obey. Even though it's hard and I'd like to sulk off to my room and pout. I love my family dearly, make no mistake, but in the light of an eternity in the presence of my Savior my relationship to them is a fleeting thing, like the steam rising from a tea kettle. We imagine a day in Heaven when we will be reunited with loved ones that we have lost and no longer be separated from the people we care about. But I wonder if we will even give them a second thought once we see Christ in his full glory and join in perfect fellowship with him. (Dear family, if any of you happen to see this, I hope that you will read nothing more into it than a deep longing to be truly home.) So if He asks this of me, I willingly obey if only for the sake of being made more into the image of His Son. (If only!)

One of the prayers in The Valley of Vision asks:
"Let us be at thy disposal for the duties and events of life,
submit our preferences to they wisdom and will,
resign our enjoyments if thou shouldest require it as our absolute Proprietor and best Friend."

The task at hand is to submit, resign, and place myself at my dearest and chiefest Friend's disposal. He is always generous, forgiving, and completely sufficient. He will never ask anything of me that is not in my best interest. He is never sadistic, spiteful, or cruel. He does sometimes ask us to do difficult things as his followers. But the beauty of following is that you are never alone. Christ is always with you. In fact, He is right in front. He will never leave us or forsake us. Because He said so!

Someone's at the Door!

Once again Grace comes knocking. We have been given the opportunity to rely on that deeper measure of Christ's all-sufficient, sustaining Grace in our lives.

I don't remember if I have ever written about DH's Pudendal Neuralgia before, so I'll sum it up quick. During the move into our new house four years ago, a latent condition that my husband had was stirred into conscious awareness. Since then it has become a living, breathing member of our family with a life of it's own~or it seems that way, at least. Pudendal Neuralgia, or Pudendal Nerve Entrapment (henceforth referred to as PN, or PNE) is a malady in which the Pudendal Nerve that runs through both sides of the pelvis is restricted or trapped, causing pain and a whole host of other problems. Think of it as Carpal Tunnel in your butt (Did I just say that out loud?). Any task like sitting, walking, bending, lifting or anything that requires you to use that muscle group causes damage to the nerve and subsequent pain. About 2 years ago, after an extremely frustrating time of wrong diagnosis and medical insanity, we found a doctor who not only knew what he was talking about, but is one of the world's foremost authorities on PN. DH went through a series of steroid injections, to no avail, and finally surgery for the PNE, also with negligible results.
Flash forward to this last weekend, which found us making the 400 mile trek up to the Twin Cities for the first in another series of the injections. The hope is that since the doctor is the one who arranged the nerve and surrounding anatomy in it's present position, the steroid and Heparin shots will be more effective this time.

I am reminded often of Paul's "thorn in the flesh", and this certainly qualifies. The physical pain is not my own, true. But how many times can a loving wife say "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you. You just have to trust that God knows what he is doing and will give you the grace to get through this." before it starts to sound like a trite cliche? Before "Just trust God" becomes reminiscent of "Just suck it up, man!"?

And yet, truth is never trite or a cliche. If Christ could suffer the unspeakable agony of the cross for "the joy that was set before him", surely He is able to carry us through the worst that this fallen world has to offer. We are promised as much in 2 Corinthians 4:14-18 "knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.
For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

What lies beyond it, rather than the pain, is the source of joy. Because the pain is temporary, even when it seems interminable, we can focus our attention on the face of the one we will be with for eternity. Again, in Isaiah 65:17 we are promised that in heaven the cares of this world will be obliterated from our minds. Those are the promises that we cling to because without them, we would have no hope. And Hope is a pretty powerful pain killer.

Power Trip

Frequently my mind makes comparisons with the society and lifestyle that we live with today and what it must have been like at different times in history. What impact would something that we take for granted have on someone from a distant time period? For instance, how would Mary Todd Lincoln, an adventurous sort, react if she were sitting next to me in the car on the interstate headed into Chicago? Or what would Laura Ingalls Wilder have to say about the clothing choices offered to young girls at the typical shop in the mall?

Sometimes I imagine the situation reversed. How would my life have been different if I had been born in another time period? Could I have kept my mouth shut in a time before women could vote or have any political influence? Could I have worn a corset or a bustle? Could I have dealt with housework before the convenience of electricity? I complain enough as it is.

For no apparent reason, the power went off at about 2:30 this morning and we were transported into the past several hundred years. Again. In fact, this happens so often out where we live that even in our sleep, we automatically switch into survival mode and hurry to complete the few tasks that must be done before it is too late. We run clean water into several pitchers and then put as much water into the bathtub as we can before the tank off the well loses pressure. We light candles in strategic places (all ready and waiting) to keep us from tripping in the dark. And I take a meal out of the freezer that can be heated on the gas stovetop. Eventually when it starts to get stuffy, or the sound of the dog's panting is keeping us awake, Hubby will stumble down to the basement, throw a couple of switches and then fire up the generator in the garage. We have to avoid using electronic equipment and its not enough to run the central air though. We have it so rough.

I wonder what the Proverbs 31 woman would think.

*originally posted 8/12/07

The Secret Lie

One of two things usually happens on the nights I don’t even try to pretend that I’m going to be able to sleep. I either stay up and accomplish something or, more likely, I end up getting sucked into some ridiculously inane television show. Last night it was a new show premiering on one of the “discovery” stations, called The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom (SLSM). The premise of the show is to secretly whisk a stay at home Mom away from her family for a week and allow her to experience the dream career that she gave up in order to stay at home. In the pilot episode, the mom had gone to school to be a fashion designer, but decided not to pursue it in order to be home for their three daughters. At the end of the show she was offered a full time job with a design studio, and accepted.

Now, I can’t begin to tell you the many reasons why I disliked this show, but I am going to try really hard not to rant here. Instead, I’m just going to share a few observations that I made and have been pondering upon.

• Her husband’s point of view—at one point, her husband, who is a physician, was in tears because he regretted that for the past 10 years he had been unable to give her what she needed to feel fulfilled. He let her take the job because he just wanted her to be happy. But he also praised the job that she had done at raising their children and voiced concerns about what would happen when they were sick or needed her.
  
• When struggling with the big decision about accepting the job, she stated that she didn’t regret being home with their three girls, and wished that she didn’t have to choose.
  
• She did design a dress that someone famous wore at the Oscars or Emmys or something like that. I know I have a completely different set of values, but I also know that would be a big deal to some people.
  
• Two of their children were too young to understand why everyone was so excited.
  
• The creators of SLSM gave her only a matter of hours to decide about the job offer.

Perpetuating the lie that women cannot be satisfied or lead a fulfilling life while being a stay at home mom is nothing new in visual or printed media. But more than that, what struck me was the obvious solution for this family that the show failed to offer.

The mom wanted to create and design clothing. She also was torn about leaving her family for a full time job. The dad was concerned about the impact on their home and children. Why not design fabulous clothes for children? She had three beautiful girls who would probably delight in modeling for her, and would certainly appreciate the clothing far more than an actress who would wear a dress once and toss it aside. She could design her own line and work from home and have the best of both worlds. No decision to leave her family would be necessary. Of course that option was never even brought up.

And that is because true fulfillment cannot be found in a workplace, a career, a marriage, or a home. Ultimate Satisfaction can only be found in Jesus Christ and in surrender to God’s Sovereign plan. Then it doesn’t matter if we are changing diapers, or flipping burgers or juggling spreadsheets. It also doesn’t matter if our spouse and children can’t give us everything we dreamed of or expected. And it doesn’t matter what we drive, or live in, or wear. When we are satisfied with God, regardless of our circumstances, we are:

Complete in Thee! No work of mine
May take, dear Lord, the place of Thine;
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And I am now complete in Thee.

Complete in Thee—each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.*

But you’ll never hear that from The Learning Channel.

*taken from the hymn, Complete in Thee, by Aaron R Wolfe.

Best Laid Plans

"Free Will" is highly overrated, if you ask me. I find a great deal of comfort in verses like:

• Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
• Jeremiah 10:23 I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.
• Psalm 119:133 Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me.
• Psalm 37:23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way;

I know that my own heart is "deceitful above all things" (Jer. 17:9) and "only evil continually" (Gen. 6:5). It is an encouragement to me to know that if I seek to obey God and walk in his known will, that I can make my human plans with some measure of confidence (not that I don't often make mistakes!). His Sovereign control over my life will direct me in the way He chooses for me. Which is far better for me anyway. It is not my intention to stir up a debate here. But there is a great deal of Freedom in surrendering to the Sovereignty of God and allowing him to order your steps. It is a much more enjoyable ride when you don't have the responsibility of driving the vehicle.
I have probably posted this before, but its worth repeating. From the Preces Privatae of Lancelot Andrewes, 1555-1626:
Open thou mine eyes and I shall see:

Incline my heart and I shall desire:

Order my steps and I shall walk

In the ways of thy commandments.

O Lord God, be thou to me a God

And beside thee let there be none else,

No other, nought else with thee.

Vouchsafe to me to worship thee and serve thee

According to thy commandments

In truth of spirit,

In revereance of body,

In blessing of lips,

In private and in public.

*originally posted 9/10/07

In Human Terms

The book of John is so rich and deep that you could probably study it for a lifetime without exhausting its truths. One of these truths recently reached out and poked at my brain and I have been pondering it ever since. Specifically, what does it mean to be God’s friend? In chapter 15, Jesus Christ is spending some quiet time with his chosen few in concentrated teaching. He tells of Judas’ betrayal and of Peter’s denial. Then he follows up with some words about bearing fruit, obeying him and being his friend. As I read “You are my friends if you do what I command you”, my mind replays scenes from the years that I taught preschool:
“If you don’t do what I want, I’ll cross you off my list of friends!!” Such juvenile phrases were a common occurrence in that setting. But as with so many other examples, we cannot try to define God in our human terms and understanding. His love is not like our love and his hate is not like our hate because they are not tainted by sin and selfishness. His motive is our ultimate good. Our ultimate good is a deeper fellowship with him, or Abiding as it is stated here in John, and glorifying him. (For a discussion on why that is not the ultimate in arrogance, click here.)
Apply that to this verse in John 15 and you have a completely different picture. Rather than a view of a spoiled, self-centered child we have a view of someone who wants us to be close to him; not because it will benefit him in any way, but because of the joy that fellowship with the highest standard of everything good in the universe will bring to us. Jesus also gives us the quickest route to that fellowship-through obedience to his commandments. Unlike the child who seeks to make others do everything his way out of stubborn selfishness, Christ actually has the authority to ask us to obey him by right of creation and redemption. By his perfection, his way really is also the best way whether we understand it at the time or not.
It stands to reason that we should also not define being friends with God in the same way as being friends with buddy Frank or best friend Amy. Even the best of human friendships are full of emotions, actions and motivations that should not exist in a relationship with God, and indeed cannot exist on his part.

To be continued…

*originally written 2/9/07

I am, therefore I Create

The hobby of letterboxing, which I have mentioned before, combines spending time in God’s creation as well as doing a little creating of your own. As you hunt for the letterboxes, you get to see some very interesting things and places in nature and that always puts me in awe. The complexity and beauty of the plant and animal life is simply astounding. The natural world exists to bring glory to God and it does such a spectacular job of it that when I immerse myself in it, whether by watching a fantastic sunset or by listening to the hush of the forest around me, I completely lose myself in the face of something infinitely greater.
When I make letterboxes for others to find, I bring all of my own creative powers to bear, pathetic as they may be. The thought, time and effort that goes into carving a stamp, creating a handmade logbook, writing the clues and pulling the whole thing together on a theme exhausts the limits of my ability. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy every minute of it! And I am constantly on the lookout for new techniques, different materials and fresh ideas to improve the final product.
All of this made me think: why do we do things like this? Why do we feel the compulsion to create priceless watercolor paintings, or fabulous scrapbook pages, or colorful quilts, or hand carved walnut rocking horses, or delicious new recipes? Across history, nations and people of different walks of life and interests there runs the common thread of the need to create. I can see but one explanation: we were all created in the image of the Ultimate Creator. An image reflects the original. We reflect God, not as a mirror duplicates a reflection in every detail, but rather as a shadow reflects a shape as a dark and vague blur.
We imitate Him because we desire to be like Him. Just as a small child goes through the motions of mixing a cake or swinging a hammer in an effort to be like Mom or Dad, we create things in an effort to be like our Heavenly Father. For a child, imitating is an expression of love. For someone who holds Christ dear, creating something can mean the same expression of love. We love Him, therefore we want to be like Him.
This begs another question. Why do unbelievers create? Someone who does not love God, who is in fact his enemy, would certainly not choose to imitate him. They are still created in His image. I suspect the answer is hidden in that, somehow. But I confess, more thought is necessary before I can proceed.

*originally written 2/5/07

If I could Paint

If I could paint, I would paint a picture of Grace. The difficulty with that would be that my understanding of Grace develops over time, so my painting would be covered with smudges from my revisions. And let’s face it, I can’t paint. But I can write. Scratch that too. I can talk. So I will tell you what my painting would look like, if I could paint.

Start with an image of the most gorgeous sunset that you can imagine. Make it one on a pristine beach somewhere. The colors are soft and warm. There are just enough clouds to give the sky texture and break up the light into an interesting pattern. My first concrete image of Grace was just like that. John 1:16 says “and of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.” A commentary that I looked it up in described it as waves lapping on the shore, and just like that, my picture of God’s Grace toward us came into being. The water of the ocean, in all its vast immeasurability, quietly and unendingly lapping on the sandy beach, bringing a fresh supply of life-giving nutrients and water to the inhabitants on the shore is a perfect likeness of the all sufficient Grace of our Heavenly Father. His fullness comes to us not just in our times of dire need, but is constantly refilling our reservoir whether we are conscious of it or not. A dimension that a painting cannot give you is sound. Do you hear the waves? When you live near the ocean, the perpetual susurration of the water drops from your normal conscious hearing after awhile. It doesn’t stop. It just ceases to be heard. It only takes something small to bring it back into the realm of your awareness though. How very like our human “selective hearing” is our capacity to let our attention to God slip from our conscious thoughts!
There is something terrifying about the ocean too, but standing here in peace on the beach that terror seems distant and almost impossible. It is the same with the Almighty who created the oceans. When we submit to his Providential Authority, even the most difficult of circumstances came be viewed in the light and peace of His Grace rather than the terror of the unknown.
Now we’ll take a stroll down this beautiful beach. We hear the rush of the water and feel the warmth of the setting sun. A gentle breeze tousles our hair slightly. Holding our sandals in our hand, we pad in the wet sand at the waters edge. When the water is deep enough to swirl around our ankles, take a look behind you. There is nothing there. Every mark, every footstep has been swallowed by the ocean. With each lift of the heel, there is a small slurping sound and the sand and water quickly swirl in, filling each depression and covering all evidence of our passing. Romans 2:1 speaks of “the grace in which we stand”. Taking the picture of the ocean of God’s Grace one step further, we move from seeing the waves endlessly running upon the shore to a broader view; that of being completely immersed and swallowed up by that same Grace. We are surrounded by it, supported by it, and in some ways suppressed by it.
When we imagine standing on the sand watching the lapping of the water, the picture is mostly of God’s Grace coming to us and supplying us with every good thing that our Creator has at his disposal. And that is accurate to a point. But when we imagine being covered by the water and carried away, the picture of the ocean is what fills our minds. Our footprints that vanished behind us no longer enter our thoughts. The most noble and holy efforts of ours here on this earth are not worthy of the slightest glance from the great I AM.(Isa. 64:6) We could spell out the entirety of Scripture in Hebrew and Greek with coconuts on the beach and it would still be diminished by the grandeur of the ocean. While we might not think about our best deeds being erased as an act of Grace, it is. And it goes hand in hand with the Grace of the substitution of the work of Christ for us on the cross.

The next time you need to “find a happy place” in your mind, go to the beach at sunset; but not the beaches in Florida, Hawaii, or the Caribbean. Paint yourself a picture and see the water lapping at your toes, rushing past your knees and carrying you away. Get lost in the ocean of God’s Grace.

*originally written 1/10/07

Making Peace with Christmas

For years I have had "issues" with celebrating Christmas. Not because I dislike it, but rather because I love it and it is such a struggle to make it the God-honoring, Christ-centered Holy Day that I want it to be. I'm sure I've even ranted about it here before.
The breakthrough came this year with a little research. No, I didn't find a way to keep that greedy gleam out of my children's eyes. And No, I didn't learn a convicting comeback to teach the girls to say to all of those people that ask them about Santa. What I found was that Christmas was never meant to be a Christian holiday. And while I have known this for a long time, this year I actually surrendered to it. Other than the rejoicing and worship that took place right at Christ's birth, the Bible never mentions any annual celebrating. His birth and life and death were hardly noticed by most. And that isn't any different today.
The annual celebration of Christmas began as and for a very long time was an excuse for people to get together and enjoy themselves during the long, boring winter. There was nothing religious about it. Then it became a way to honor the pagan gods. And then the puritans outlawed any Christian participation. Then somewhere along the way, someone decided that "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" and the Christian Christmas was born. (okay, so that is the very abbreviated version.) So, I guess it could be argued that any worship or Christ-honoring celebrating that takes place during the winter holidays is a bonus. This is what I surrendered to this year. It was not a giving in to the secular domination of Christmas, but more a realization that as Christians in this age, we have the great benefit of hindsight. We know the supreme significance of Christ's birth and can choose to celebrate it in ways that the early Christians could not.
And I actually enjoyed Christmastime this year (in spite of having that stomach flu). And now it's over and we have spent most of the day dismantling all of the decorations. The house looks like the Grinch has been here and taken it all. After lugging the last of 13 boxes plus odds and ends to the basement, I looked at J and said, "Phew! Christmas is officially packed away!" And my almost 8 year old replied (in that wise and slightly exasperated tone that an almost 8 year old can get), "But, Mom! You can't ever really pack Christmas away!" And I had to go to my room so that she wouldn't see my tears. Because she gets it.
And that is worth celebrating!

*orignally written 1/7/07

Slipping into something more comfortable

I love Autumn. The smells, the sounds, the colors, the clothes...I love it all. I love the tasks of getting my flower beds tucked in for winter and of feeding "the guys" in the field during harvest. I love the crisp air, crisp apples and crisp leaves. The smells of cinnamon and leaf smoke. The fuzzy clothes and the feel of grain running through my fingers. The crackle of the fireplace that I have missed so much and the honking of the geese. Fall is such a rich sensory feast and I relish it all.
The humming of the combine in the fields around the house in the night reminds me that my best beloved is somewhere near even when I can't see him. The silver shimmer of the dew covered spider web carpet on the lawn in the morning reminds me that there is a bigger world designed by my creator that is not often thought of when we are busy, but it goes on just the same by his design. And the falling leaves and vibrant colors remind me that even death can be spectacular when it is for God's glory.
Every year I long for the change of seasons and the comforts that it brings. But more than that I long to slip into something more comfortable than the sweaters and hot chocolate of Autumn. To be in the presence of my Savior...

*originally written 9/26/06....still waiting...