Power Struggles without the Struggle

Life seems to be full of paradoxes for me lately, and my latest "discovery" about discipline is no exception.

If you have children, then you have engaged in a power struggle. Whether it is an infant who doesn't want his diaper changed or a teenager that wants to wear something you don't approve of, being in control seems to be a mandate for all human beings.

A couple of months ago, I wanted the girls to do something new as part of their schoolwork. They made it immediately clear that what I asked wasn't something they were willing to do. But I was tired and didn't feel like arguing and I dreaded the escalation of wills that seemed inevitable and the consequences that I would be forced to implement. So I just walked away. I told them what I expected of them, that I didn't care how it happened but that it was going to happen. And then I simply left the room. And after about 5 minutes of palpable silence in the other room, I heard them acquiesce and do what I had asked, as I had asked them. No defiance. No raised voices. No "because I said so" or "Do it or else".

I have tried this tactic multiple times since then, and rather than being a one time success it has worked the same way every time. I clearly state my expectations and then leave. Sometimes there is some quiet internal struggle, but my request is always fulfilled eventually. I'm not sure why it works. Perhaps not having someone to argue with diffuses the situation before it can even start. Perhaps walking away allows them to respond in a way that they feel is more on their own terms; allowing them a measure of control. Perhaps staying in the room gives the impression that the request is optional, or a point to be negotiated and leaving removes compromise from the table. Maybe it is simply a matter of putting the responsibility squarely on their shoulders.

Whatever the reason, I am extremely grateful for the grace that God has given my girls to make choices that glorify Him more often than not. I pray that He will give Chad and I the wisdom to raise them in a way that will encourage a zeal for His Truth.