Christmas Anonymous

Christmas Anonymous 12 Step Recovery Program *

1. We admitted we were powerless over Christmas—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. To that end we reread the Nativity story in Matthew, Luke, and John.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. (Romans 6:17, 18; Ephesians 2:13)
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves; then did the same for the pile of newly accumulated gifts, culling and assimilating as required.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. We then worked out on the treadmill and had a low fat, low sugar, low sodium, high fiber, but delicious none the less meal.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Replacing the offending gift given to Aunt Hattie and setting up a fundraiser through our favorite charity tops the list.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Christmasoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

*I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has taken part in any of the 12 step recovery programs, or to the organizations that provide such needed assistance.
Our modern day practices at Christmas, sacred and secular alike, seem to have drifted so far from the original intent as to appear in many ways strikingly similar to those of one suffering from an addiction. Weight loss or weight gain, changes in mood, behavior or sleep patterns, financial difficulties caused by the addiction, inability to fulfill ones obligations...those symptoms could just as easily be applied to someone suffering from a misuse of the holidays.
My revisions of these 12 steps is merely my attempt at tilting at windmills.

Heaven on Earth

Yesterday morning our pastor began his message with an illustration about what Heaven on Earth is like for him. If you want, you can listen to the message. While there were several things that I really needed to hear, it got me thinking. What would Heaven on Earth be for me? That is a much more difficult question than I had imagined.
It has been suggested that, for me, it would be no more doctor's visits, lots of hiking and plenty of Jelly Bellies. To that list I would also add dark chocolate and snuggling in front of the fire with my family while we read a good book together. However, when I examined that list more closely, I came to a painful realization. All of those things are an escape.
In fact almost all of things that I enjoy doing are a means of escape in some way. Sure, they serve other purposes as well; but carving, working on embroidery, or reading all require a level of concentration that shuts out reality for a time. Even chocolate creates a temporary retreat where for a brief moment you are entirely focused on savoring the silky sweetness. All else slips away, however fleetingly.
Not that my reality is all that bad, mind you; especially compared to some. So I'm not sure what it is that I'm escaping from. Laundry. Boredom. Nagging questions and bills. Watching my DH suffer. Bad weather. Sickness and death touching friends and family. Brokeness.

The point is that I do not want my thoughts of Heaven to be only that of escaping from the unpleasant things this world throws at me. There is a preciousness in learning to value the suffering in this life in order to collapse on His grace and treasure the rest that is promised. Do I only long for Heaven because it will "get me out of here"? Some days the answer is Yes. But what about the rest of the time? More than thinking about what I'm running away from, I want to be focused on what I am running toward; which is an eternity of communion with my Savior not hindered by my sin.
That leaves my original question still unanswered, but it can't be helped. My idea of Heaven is not just experiencing a moment that is the way it would be in a perfect world, but rather a restoration of the perfect fellowship between man and his Creator. And that can't be reproduced here on earth; not with all the Ghirardelli's in the world.

Christmas Contemplation

Perhaps you've seen the discussions and polls on the social bulletin board sites about whether our president should continue to call it the national "Christmas" tree or change the name to "Holiday" tree instead. While I haven't participated in those polls, I have done a great deal of thinking about this subject. Here are some of my conclusions*:

• I don't give a hoot what the president does. His life and actions as well as the actions of a large percentage of our nation do not revolve around bringing honor and glory to God. What he chooses to call the tree won't change that.
• The argument that calling it a holiday tree is just taking one more thing away from the Christians is only valid if the government is the source of the Christians' faith. If recognition or approval from the government is necessary to authenticate one's beliefs, then I would encourage a reexamination of those beliefs. Following God has never been the popular thing to do and Christians are never promised support from the leadership of our world. In fact, the opposite is true. (Ps. 20:7, 8; Gal. 1:10; Acts 4:26; I Pt. 3:14-16)
• Christians belong to a kingdom other than those represented on our globe. We are strangers and pilgrims here. Temporary exiles. If we get too comfortable with secular contemporary customs and society and we risk being like Lot's wife.
• I call into question the possibility of the Gospel being spread merely through the name of an object. The heavens declare the glory of God, but I don't think that includes an electrified evergreen on the White House lawn.
• Religious freedom...oh, I am not even going to open that can of worms.
  

*These comments are not aimed at any specific person or persons, et cetera. And by all means, feel free to disagree with me.

Missing Person

This last Sunday, DH and J stayed home sick from Church. Not a big deal, but it gave M and I a chance to have a really good conversation in the car on the way home. Pastor David's message had been about the different people in Matthew's narrative of the Birth of Christ. The one that stood out to my 7 yo was King Herod. He is such a key figure in the story, but he is often overlooked. And yet, his presence does need to be keenly felt. King Herod brought about a terrible tragedy for the nation of Israel of that day (Matt 2:18). He represents everything that Christ came to defeat with his birth, perfect life and sacrificial death. And he brought about the fulfillment of prophecy.
However, it's uncomfortable to talk about the role he played and so we tend to skip over him. After all, he butchered babies in a jealous rage. Who wants that in a play set? Come to think of it, have you ever seen him portrayed in any Nativity scene?

Oh, wait. There he is...over there on the right side. Take a closer look...

In the car M decided that we needed a figure of King Herod for their Nativity set. So with a little Model Magic, Marvy markers, paint, embossing powder and a sword that I just happened to have lying around (!!?!), we are now the proud owners of what may be the very first King Herod action figure in history. At least, I'd like to think so.

But, of course, he dies in the story, and so we had to make him reversible. On the front side he wears an evil scowl and on the back...well...he's dead.

See, that's the great thing about having a conniving, wicked liar as part of your Nativity set. He gets defeated. Our Savior, through His Father's almighty power, escapes Herod's murderous hand and grows up to fulfill God's perfect plan for our salvation.
It's not a carefully edited touchy, feely Baby story on the Discovery channel. It's a true story about a universal power struggle and the ultimate victory over Sin and Death by Christ on our behalf. How can you adequately tell that story if the antagonist isn't even represented?

Giving Up

The Vally of Vision

LORD, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

LORD, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty
thy glory in my valley.

(this is the title prayer in Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)

With a mere 50 acres of corn left in the field, the combine harvester blew out it's engine on Monday. This is a catastrophic failure that will cost my FiL a ridiculous amount of money to fix.
In the context of a much larger, not-looking-so-grand-anymore scheme of things, however, it is merely one event among many that is out of our control.
You've probably noticed that there doesn't seem to be much left that is under our control. Truth is, there never has been. It has just become much more obvious lately. Everywhere you look there is pain and disease and broken relationships. No one seems immune.
In an ever increasing way I am becoming more aware of my own emptiness. I am powerless to alleviate the pain of others in spite of how deeply I care for them. I can't fix machinery that is beyond repair no matter how desperately it is needed. I cannot heal hearts and souls regardless of how much I long to do so.
There is nothing left to do but give up.

Not quit. Give up.
Give up trying to be the hero when that was never what God intended for me in the first place. Give up striving and straining and stretching and reaching.
Give up thinking that I have something to offer in and of myself.
I need to just put it all down and come to my Savior with my empty hands extended and ask him to fill me.
Fill me with forgiveness for denying the grace that was always mine if I would just admit I needed it.
Fill me with trust that His plan is perfect even if I can't imagine how it will all work out in the end.
Fill me with a rest that is not dependent on sleep. A rest that can look past the howling winter wind and feel the warmth of the sun. A rest that can take a nap in a storm tossed boat.
A rest that believes Romans chapter 8.